To think the young gf/wife gets a raw deal

[gutfightinghead]

I’m 15 years younger than my DH. We have been married a year and have a 4 month old baby. I’m 25, he’s 40 and we’re both in great careers, have our own home, financially stable, unbelievable sex life and genuinely happy. We have our disagreements like everyone else but on the whole it’s a healthy, happy relationship.

however - I still find I get a lot of sneers and as if I must be a young bimbo for being much younger, like I’m a silly wee girl. We got a lot of ‘oh she’s a silly young girl’ or ‘she’s his mid life crisis’, ‘it’ll never last’ etc.

just recently we had an appointment with our solicitor about something and he apologised and we said why? And he said he got us all wrong on paper he expected some young dope not someone with career, sensible etc

ive also noticed on mumsnet itself a lot of younger gf/wives etc get a bad name or labelled very quickly.

if they’re the other woman I completely understand as I know that sometimes is the case when there’s a younger gf/wife but apart from that I don’t understand why we get labelled so badly or as if we are silly/naive/stupid??

Maybe not middle aged married men, but they do for middle aged men.

They go for pretty young men

What gave you that opinion?

why aren't we reading lots of posts from women married to men half their age

Just because you're not seeing any posts about it on Mumsnet, doesn't mean it's not happening believe it or not. Britney Spears is all over the news about this exact situation.

What gave me that opinion?

The fact that I was once a young woman myself, and was friends with other young women. None of us were lusting after men old enough to be our fathers.

And the statistics support me on this. The majority of people form long term relationships with people within about 5 years of their own age. There will always be exceptions, but generally speaking young women do not want to get shacked up with middle aged men, no matter how much you wish this to be true.

Surely she is a dreadful example? She is so unwell to have been unable to manage her own life, she probably is like a teenager despite her age and kids due to her life experiences being stalled at that age.

Maybe not middle aged married men, but they do for middle aged men.

Yeah, exactly. It's really not unusual to take a liking to someone older. It's a private feeling in your head.

To involve yourself in an affair with an older married man possibly with children? Yeah, less common. That takes more effort/emotional commitment, and also banks on the man being willing to cheat and risk divorce.

I’m neither jealous or bitter, possibly out of touch and definitely wiser, which you’re possibly interpreting as ‘out to spoil things’

Definitely older and wealthier.
So very, very happy to no longer be fertile 😂

@McIntire I can’t work out if you think I am saying these thing or not!? 😅

just to be clear, I’m 32. I do not think these things, although apparently a lot of MN seem to… and need calling out on it

@McIntire

That poster was saying the same thing you are - that women are labelled those things very wrongly.

Surely she is a dreadful example?

It's an example nevertheless. The point is, it happens.

@IcedPurple

None of us were lusting after men old enough to be our fathers

And that's fine. It's your own personal experience. And, like you, I have had my own experiences which are the opposite of that. I've seen it happen.

The majority of people form long term relationships with people within about 5 years of their own age

I agree with that.

There will always be exceptions

I would say it's a minority rather than exceptions.

Generally speaking young women do not want to get shacked up with middle aged men, no matter how much you wish this to be true.

Unfortunately, you don't speak for all women. There's been plenty of posts from women on this thread clearly stating they are with older men, no matter how much wish this not to be true.

And that's fine. It's your own personal experience.

No it's not. As I said in my post, statistics show that the vast majority of people have partners close to their own age.

Unfortunately, you don't speak for all women. There's been plenty of posts from women on this thread clearly stating they are with older men, no matter how much wish this not to be true.

Did you miss where I wrote 'generally speaking'?

You'll always find exceptions, but my point still stands. Most young women simply aren't interested in middle aged men. It stands to reason that on a thread about age gap relationships there will be posts from women who are with older men, but the majority of women prefer men close to their own age.

Threads about younger women/older men are always going to be of interest to women in those relationships so there will obviously be an over representation of women who are attracted to older men.
They also act as a call to arms for certain types of old men who desperately want to believe they're attractive to young women and think that by coming onto a female dominated forum and repeating it enough, somehow it will be true.
For most of us, all we need to do is have a quick reflect on the relationships we know, and a look around in public to see who's with whom, to know perfectly well that in most circles, its extremely rare for young women to be interested in older men.
People aren't pointing this out because they wish it were true, but because it is true. And the sooner more men faced up to that, the sooner young women could go about their lives free from the nuisance of their advances.
And they are a nuisance. Because most of them are not wealthy wise silver foxes. They're ordinary older blokes who delude themselves. And the pretence that large woman younger age gaps are oh so attractive to women just encourages them.

No it's not. As I said in my post, statistics show that the vast majority of people have partners close to their own age.

I did agree with you on the point that "vast majority of people have partners close to their own age".

However, you clearly stated, "None of us were lusting after men old enough to be our fathers". Again, this doesn't apply to everyone. This is you and your circle.

My point is simply, it does happen. It's not in the majority as you said, but you can't rule out the number of people who are in these relationships.

Just found this thread, I feel sorry for you OP, people can be judgey. I'm in my mid-40s, married but open, and I'm dating a 29-yr-old and also have a FWB who's 25. My DH (41) is dating a 21-yr-old - on a dating app he would have said no due to age, but meeting and getting to know her over several months he realised she was more mature than he expected. Tbf he's also keen to meet 40s and 50s women but there's not so many on the poly scene. I feel my age compared to my younger partners, but I get on really well with both of them and love their company (and they are adults after all).

Thanks for sharing all this information about your sex life - I’m sure it was thrilling. But it’s in no way comparable to the OP’s situation, so I’m afraid you might not have found the audience you were looking for.

This is so gross.

I tend to agree. It’s one thing to have lots of ONSs, but having regular sex with three different people - eeew.

@KimberleyClark and the ages.

@lilkitten sounds fun. And if it works for you guys then why not?

@KimberleyClark @Disturbia81

What you find unacceptable, is perfectly normal for others. Stop judging grown adults. I'm sure there are aspects of your lives people find gross too.

I wouldn't call a 21 year old a 'grown' adult. I think it's gross too

My DH (41) is dating a 21-yr-old - on a dating app he would have said no due to age, but meeting and getting to know her over several months he realised she was more mature than he expected.

Because it's her 'maturity' he's shagging. My eyes are rolled back so far I can see my brain.

Being over 18 is a grown adult in the UK. What you think doesn't matter.

No, that's a legal adult, not a grown adult.

And it does matter actually, because people can and do pass judgement on things like this despite you trying to make out that that's not allowed 😂
And one thing that stops some people for going for it with barely legal or very young adults is what other people think, so negative opinions should be expressed and they DO make a difference sometimes 😃

Well firstly, the person in question is 21, not 18. So they're not barely legal. Far from it.

Secondly, yes people can pass judgement on things like this, which is fine. You're entitled to your opinion. But that's all it is, an opinion. Will it make a difference?
Maybe, maybe not. Strong minded individuals don't care what others think.

You only think it's gross because it doesn't fall in line with your values.