To think the young gf/wife gets a raw deal

[gutfightinghead]

I’m 15 years younger than my DH. We have been married a year and have a 4 month old baby. I’m 25, he’s 40 and we’re both in great careers, have our own home, financially stable, unbelievable sex life and genuinely happy. We have our disagreements like everyone else but on the whole it’s a healthy, happy relationship.

however - I still find I get a lot of sneers and as if I must be a young bimbo for being much younger, like I’m a silly wee girl. We got a lot of ‘oh she’s a silly young girl’ or ‘she’s his mid life crisis’, ‘it’ll never last’ etc.

just recently we had an appointment with our solicitor about something and he apologised and we said why? And he said he got us all wrong on paper he expected some young dope not someone with career, sensible etc

ive also noticed on mumsnet itself a lot of younger gf/wives etc get a bad name or labelled very quickly.

if they’re the other woman I completely understand as I know that sometimes is the case when there’s a younger gf/wife but apart from that I don’t understand why we get labelled so badly or as if we are silly/naive/stupid??

OP if you can't really can't take a step back and think 'my relationship is perfectly healthy, it's completely normal that this 36 year old man was interested in a 21 year old girl however I can completely see why others might find that strange and older women with substantially more life experience than me may caution it's not all a bed of roses' then you are not as worldly as you think you are. The ability to be open minded about this, of the lack of, is what marks you out as naive.

There's only 4 years between me and DH but occasionally we'll have a conversation where I'll be like 'I did this thing did you?' or 'do you remember such and such?' And we'll work out that he doesn't because I was 18 and he would have been 14, and honestly it is a little weird and it would be ridiculous to deny that.

Oh and most importantly, I wouldn't take advice from the twat of a solicitor. Any professional foolish enough to say that is foolish enough to make other mistakes.

@Totalwasteofpaper Come back in ten years and tell us how amazing your life is... 👍

And yet there are several people who are 10....20 years older than the OP who are in her future situation who are saying they are really very happy so 👍🏼

There's the same age gap between my mum and dad. He did have a first marriage which failed before they met in her early 20s and they've just celebrated their 40th anniversary. Love is love and there can be unhealthy relationships at any range of ages. It sounds like you're good together, ignore them!

I'm not suggesting the younger partner is shallow, for goodness sake - stop projecting. I am pointing out that an age gap that wide can lead to a lot of difficulty when the older partner gets past 60. It's been a difficult adjustment for me and I am only 8 years younger than my DH, who developed cancer in his early sixties. Twenty years ago I didn't give a thought as to how that age difference might play out as we aged. It probably wouldn't have changed my mind about him, but I was naive not to think about it at all.

I think the fact that this is all so concerning to you speaks of your age... Sounds like a great relationship. Who cares what others think?

Thing that would put me off is being 55 and with a 70 year old! Can't help who you fall in love with though I guess.

age 20 i moved in with my 30yo dp. My dad appeared at door. He looked at him and said "you know exactly why am here.sure tolerable is-head over heels/hopelessly devoted.i can SEE THAT.but you?youve been around the block man-you KNOW exactly why am here.
dp- said-i'm not having this conversation. dad said. Yeah,much as i thought.
At the time i was enraged\embarassed\hurt at lack of shared happiness\support\pretty much reduced to nc of entire family.
He was promoted at work,then i was.we had beautiful home,multi holidays,carefree and true love.then..age 22..a son.
my dad was 1st visitor at hospital. couldnt see who was for flowers,baloons etc..The absolute adoration n pride is not debateable.
By time i turned 30-me n dp was long over,(he is still the best dad to our son),my own dad had passed away, regardless of either of those facts
the reality of EXACTLY what my dad meant at "been round block" became absolutely clear. I do not know how to express it any better tho. You cant\dont n wont know for a goodwhile yet.
that doesnt mean you\dp wont be happy ever after-othing is set in stone.In time..you will realise tho.that sounds so condescending. is what it is tho

He has a kid with his ex.

So to be clear if your 20 year old child brought home their 40 year old partner you’d think that was perfectly normal?

or better yet if you and DH part ways you’ll be dating 20 year olds?

@benoticanarsed He has a kid with his ex.
Where does it say this?

You can search usernames on google to see previous threads

I don't know exactly but if you read all of the op posts you will see.

To be clear I would not care, I met my DH at Work and I did not even ask his age or find out until we had been dating for a long while. I honestly done care about ages.

I have had a wonderful life with him, if people like you cant handle that I could not give two shits.

@anomaly2 Advanced search shows he has a DC with his ex, and their relationship is difficult.

I certainly didn't do that. I hate it when people read your other threads and try to catch you out.

I didn't say you did, but you can't blame people for curiosity

I’d be devastated if either of my Dds had such a big of an age gap. Without wanting to be patronising, these kinds of relationships rarely last, it’ll have fallen apart by 30.

quite. Any decent solicitor would never say this

Yeah, it's bollocks. Professionals do not go around insulting their clients. Not if they want to keep the business, anyway.

You’ll understand when you’re older.

He has an ex partner and child.

@anomaly2 Actually the OP hadn't said this. Another poster saw it on a previous thread sorry.

No one is disputing your great life.

Just being realistic about most peoples initial thought and overall scepticism about older people (often men) intentions towards younger adults.

I'm not judging the age gap, I've had many a big age gap relationship!

However, respectfully, OP you really do not come across as mature in your posts/comments. Nor does not liking going out or not drinking make you mature. When I was your age, I was in a well-paid job, I thought I was so mature and experienced...but come ten years time, you'll look back and be embarrassed at how immature you actually were.

Your age gap relationship/marriage may very well work out, none of us know, but it will most certainly change. There will come a time when you see that your age differences do have a (negative) effect on your marriage. Take my last one, I was in my prime and he was winding down, we were at completely different stages in our lives and sometimes the mutual love isn't enough to work through that. There will most certainly be times you look back and re-evaluate things.

I have a feeling in years to come you'll look back at this thread and cringe at your lack of maturity.