To expect DD16 to be kinder

[IsItUs]

DD16 asked me to go with her to local supermarket as she wanted various things - conditioner, ice tea, etc.
Walked there and, as usual, I ended up carrying most of it back although DD reluctantly carried a few of her bits.
Somehow on the walk back along a main road I fell on the uneven pavement landing face down. I laid there quite winded, to hear DD shriek "why did you fall over". Rolled onto my side slowly and a man had jumped out of his car and helped me up. As I got to my feet, DD is holding out my (heavy'ish) bags for me which I took.
Thanked the man and headed off with DD again, turning into an alley to home after a few metres where I burst into tears. Not badly hurt - knees and hands cut and bruised, and shoulder jarred, but I think I was shocked and embarrassed. DD says in a hostile tone "what are you crying for!?" I told her to just leave me alone and she shouted "you're fucking mental" and stormed off home without me.
Not a word to me since. I made myself a cup of tea but I just feel really tearful. It's the latest in a line of cold hurtful behaviour and I do so much for her. I think this has made me realise how cold to me she is.
Am I unreasonable to expect a little concern from a 16 yr old. That she might have carried my 2 bags, made me a cup of tea or asked if I was ok? Or is this normal for a 16 yr old?
I'm sorry this sounds trivial, I don't know why I'm so upset.

Fuck that
Dreadful behaviour

Hi, that's sounds really tough. I have two daughters, both now in their 20s. But at 16, had I fallen in front of them they would have been concerned and supportive. You are not being unreasonable. I guess your DD was embarrassed as teenagers easily are. Maybe worth a chat later when she's calmed down. She probably didn't mean to mean. Hope you are feeling better now.

No it’s not normal. Teens are selfish , but your dd is on another level. Stop pandering to her. She owes you an enormous apology don’t make excuses for her
Hope feel better soon

Agreed.

Honestly she sounds horrible. I wouldn't be doing anything for her with an attitude like that.

I hope you're feeling ok now. 💐

Ah OP I think she got really scared and fear makes us angry. Underneath her teen bravado she's still a little girl who saw her mum keel over and might have thought you'd had a heart attack.
She'll call down and apologise I'm sure

This ! Honestly

Unless she has an identified SEN or a condition which makes empathy difficult, this is not normal behaviour.
My ASD son probably would have panicked and walked off
Both of my daughters would’ve probably been embarrassed to be fair, but their first concern would be for me. My daughters were/are tricky teens but they wouldn’t have behaved like that. I’m sorry.
I hope you are ok ❤️

Thank you. I did consider that she was embarrassed and managed to hold my tears until the alleyway (where we never see anyone). No reason to be embarrassed at home though. And I realise no excuse not to make me a cup of tea or check on me.
She's gone for a sleepover at a friend's. She just stuck her head round my door and said "I guess you're in no state to drive me, I'll get the train". Nothing else.
DH is away all day for work today unfortunately but back later.

Well you know what to say next time she asks you to go to the supermarket with her buy her stuff.

You're absolutely right to be upset - I'd be devastated if my 16 year old was so rude, selfish and unkind.

That said, Why did you go with her? Why did you carry her stuff?

I mean she sounds completely foul but you're letting her treat you like a servant.

She does have ADHD but it's honestly mild and no ASD. I don't believe that's why as she's very caring towards friends.

Don't try to minimise how upset you are at being treated like this. Don't protect her from the natural consequence of her actions, which is that she has made her mum cry. Teenagers can indeed be incredibly self-absorbed, dismissive and callous, but they are capable of learning from their behaviour and apologising properly when pulled up for it.

What a horrible experience for you, I hope you're not too badly bruised after the fall.

I do appreciate stern words actually - I do too much but i didn't expect this lack of care.
I will change, today has been an eye opener.

I have a 16yo DD who is snappier to me than she was a year ago and more self absorbed, but she’d definitely have carried the bags for me and helped me up. Actually she would have been carrying at least half in the first place. My DD frequently surprises me with her lack of compassion at the moment, but your DD’s behaviour today was horrible.

My son is autistic and would never treat me - or anyone else - like that.

It's nothing to do with being neurodiverse.

That's disgusting behaviour. Maybe when the dust has settled you puke bring it up and frame it as a 'is everything ok with you? It's just when I fell over the other day, your reaction isn't what I expected. You were hostile towards me and seemed annoyed. Why is that? Is there something in your life making you angry?'

I wouldn't let it slide. It definitely needs to be addressed and she needs to know she has upset you.

You need to tell her how disappointed you were with her selfish behaviour.
My sons are usually quite kind and thoughtful but if they're not then l will pull them up on it. Next time make her carry her own bags, take a step back so she has to start doing more for herself. If your too tired to go to the supermarket say No. The more you do for people the less they respect you.

She sounds a selfish girl I get teenagers are but I think you need to address her behaviour and no more going to the shops for her I mean not even carrying a bag !

Stop doing so much for her and start speaking up for yourself. When she handed the bags to you after you fell, instead of meekly taking them you could have said "Are you kidding me? A little concern would be nice."

Is she always so selfish and uncaring? I know the word 'entitled' is bandied about a lot but it does seem to apply here.

*you COULD bring it up (not puke!!)

Oh ouch OP! Falling like that is always such a horrible shock and it’s doubly upsetting not to receive any sympathy from your DD. I’d love to give her the benefit of the doubt and say she was just masking worry/shock but she does seem quite cold even after time has passed. Think you need to have a word with her.

You do realise that not all neurodiverse people function in the same way?

I think she was scared and is ultimately probably not a terrible person but a thoughtless one. You need to tell her how upsetting her behaviour was.

Thanks all, I do appreciate every comment. I feel like a pathetic mug, but I also feel cross as I know I deserved better from her. I felt it was horrible behaviour but I needed to hear it objectively.
I'm ok - knees took the brunt and a little stiff elsewhere. I'm 55 and it made me feel old! I'm actually reasonably fit.

I do realise that @Grapewrath. Just pointing out that autism isn't an excuse to behave like a cunt