In expecting him to pick me up from the airport?

[dramallamamx]

I'm currently travelling alone in Mexico and I realised I had made a mistake with my coach times to get home from the airport as I forgot about the time difference. A new ticket is £40 and a 6 hour coach journey returning home at 8pm by which time I will have been travelling for around 24 hours and I am back at work the next day. I rang my partner and asked if he could give me a lift from the airport , it is about a 2 and a half hour drive. He says he has a meeting at 10am and I land at 11:15, I said ok I don't mind waiting at the airport for you to arrive, he says he will be too tired as he drove 5 hours to Devon yesterday for a music show and he doesn't know how long the meeting will last so he can't do it and it's my fault that I fucked up the times. I said he was being selfish as I would go out of my way to help him in this situation. Who is being unreasonable here?

I don't know how you messed up as flight arrival times are always local time. If it's work trip, and you have to work the next day, then work should pay for a taxi.

There's nothing to suggest this is a work trip.

You seem extremely entitled.

I hope the coach breaks down and it takes you ten hours to get home 🤭 that'll teach ya

Clearly not a work trip as she is starting a new job the next day

A 5 hour round trip on his working day, plus a substantial cost for him v a 6 hour trip and relatively low cost for you, who made the mistake, who organised the holiday and went without him, who presumably found the time and money OK to go.

I'd be annoyed you'd asked TBH.

These replies! I'm shocked.

My DH would be more than happy to pick me up from anywhere, because he loves me. I'd happily pick him up too, if I was able.

This is not her "DH" this is her boyfriend and a relationship of not much more than a few weeks overall.

I am in along term, 20 year plus relationship myself but I respect my husband enough to think that I would rather take the coach for six hours than have him drive a five hour round trip.

I am definitely in the minority here, but I'm actually with you OP. You've been away, its a newish relationship, but a good way into it. I think it shows something about him that he isn't willing to put himself out for a couple of hours to come get you - especially as you've been away!

I do know that in my reltionship I went away for a weekend about 6 months in to our relationship, and had a few train issues getting back, and my dp insisted on coming to get me (it was over a 3 hour drive - each way) and he arrived with flowers, snacks and my favorite drink.
Because he missed me.

I do find it odd how so many people are saying you are so unreasonable for expecting a loved one to help you out - your fault - you sort it.
Glad i'm not in one of those relationships. We help each other out here, and yes sometimes that means perhaps rolling your eyes and doing something you'd rather not be doing. But doing it anyway because the person you care about needs your help.

My husband would have no problem picking me up, he'd much rather a 5 hour trip (half of which we'd be together in the car) he'd bring snacks and we'd enjoy the time/trip) rather than me having a 6 hour journey.

I'm not saying I'd expect it though, and if I fancied a solo return trip to chill out and read a book/music/podcast I'd make the most of it. But I think OP said she's already going to have been travelling for hours and hours...so I get why she asked, not entitled at all.

So I don't think it's unreasonable, but that's just me, I see I'm in the minority here!

Well I have more respect for my husband's time than you do for your's clearly. But you are still missing a big point. This is a boyfriend of not much more than a few weeks, not a husband!

Goodness sake. Switching the roles. If a female poster started a thread saying that her new boyfriend has messed up his flight times, didn't want to spend £40 on a coach ticket, had arranged to start a new job the day after he got back from his holiday and wanted her to drive for five hours rather than him spend £40 and sit on a coach. Well .. we know how those responses would have gone!

DH did go out of his way to support me in the first few months of our relationship (I needed surgery unexpectedly) so I have no doubt he'd have had no issue picking me up, or the other way around, in this situation, I'd definitely help if I could...but that's just us and our relationship.

We can disagree, that's fine, I'm just sharing my thoughts from my perspective!

But why would you need to be helped out? You're not a damsel in distress. There's a perfectly good coach available!

I just find it absolutely nuts that anyone would even ask this, let alone get in a strop over it.

YANBU OP - considering the amount of similar favours you’ve done for him. I don’t think he sounds like a keeper!

sorry but i wouldn't even need to ask my other half he would be there to pick me up even before i'd considered booking a coach even if it was a 5 hour drive

Bonkers.

@Sakura7 how is it bonkers? it's just what people in a loving relationship do...i'd never dream of making my partner use public transport when i'm fully able to get him myself and he would be the same. I find it weird that people are not willing to put themselves out for each other.

absolutely! people saying they respect their partners time too much to ask them to pick them up too... how strange- half of that time would be shared together and presumably you miss each other after a trip

During a period when my GF was laid up after surgery (for weeks), I had to work away for 3 weeks. The work site was 2.5 hours away each way. Work would have organised overnight accommodation and was prepared to pay my travelling expenses to get there and back once a week. The problem was that my then GF would have only had her DM for company in the evening which was not desirable putting it mildly (but that's another thread). Instead of staying away Mon-Fri each week, I travelled there and back every day setting off at 5am and not getting back until around 7pm in the evening. Work wouldn't pay me for the additional travelling expenses (even though I was saving them hotel and meal expenses) but it didn't matter, I still did it for 3 weeks... because I care for her. We've been married for over 28 years now.
Op - he doesn't sound like a keeper.

I’m one of those who said that I respect my husband’s time too much to put him in this situation, and I can’t see anything strange about it.

People have so many demands on them already. My first thought would be who is going to collect our children from school. Secondly, he also has to, you know, work.

If my husband were to take time off from work, I could think of better ways to spend time together than sitting in a car with him for a couple of hours.

Anyway, I can’t imagine anyone taking time off work for something like this. What a complete waste of annual leave.

Do people honestly have a spare 5 hours on any given day to do something like this?

This is not in any way a similar or comparable situation.

Why not just book a new coach ticket?

Have you even checked to see if you can get on an earlier one than booked?

Never suggested that the situation was similar in any shape or form. The travelling time each way is the same so that is comparable for sure. My situation though is also completely different in that it involved much longer working days and repeated journeys over a period of time. The point is that less than 6 months into my relationship, I was prepared to do this for my girlfriend. Op's boyfriend clearly wasn't. Don't people make any effort any more?

Also... I was never asked to do this by her. I volunteered.
Even though Op had cocked up her travel times, if she had been my GF I would have gone to the airport and collected her rather than say "nope your fault... sod off"

I agree with most.
You are being v unreasonable to expect him to drive for 5 hours (potentially more as he is likely to get caught in built up traffic on the way home) on a working day, when there is no real need to, as you can get a coach.

Being self employed doesn't mean "I can just not do any work whenever I fancy it, without it having any impact". You seem a bit confused about that.