Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In expecting him to pick me up from the airport?

388 replies

dramallamamx · 23/09/2023 16:01

I'm currently travelling alone in Mexico and I realised I had made a mistake with my coach times to get home from the airport as I forgot about the time difference. A new ticket is £40 and a 6 hour coach journey returning home at 8pm by which time I will have been travelling for around 24 hours and I am back at work the next day. I rang my partner and asked if he could give me a lift from the airport , it is about a 2 and a half hour drive. He says he has a meeting at 10am and I land at 11:15, I said ok I don't mind waiting at the airport for you to arrive, he says he will be too tired as he drove 5 hours to Devon yesterday for a music show and he doesn't know how long the meeting will last so he can't do it and it's my fault that I fucked up the times. I said he was being selfish as I would go out of my way to help him in this situation. Who is being unreasonable here?

OP posts:
category12 · 23/09/2023 23:11

xyz111 · 23/09/2023 22:52

I think you need to stop thinking of whether you do too much for him, and actually consider what the majority of people are saying on here and that YBU. Otherwise what was the point in asking on here.

Show quote history

No, I think OP should be rethinking what she's doing for him and her expectations in return.

At less than six months in, running him around when his car's in the garage, giving him lifts to the airport, paying for a birthday weekend away is a lot to be doing as a new girlfriend

Meanwhile, she's never asked him for a favour in return. When she does, it's a big one, but considering what's she's put in, it's not completely off the wall to think he might do for her.

I think she's been completely overboard and consequently her expectations of him are too.

asecretslob · 23/09/2023 23:14

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Allin4 · 23/09/2023 23:14

Fuck me 😂

friendlycat · 23/09/2023 23:27

It is rather ironic that you don’t want to sit on a coach for six hours but you expect your new boyfriend to drive for over five hours to collect you on a working day when he already has commitments.

WiddlinDiddlin · 24/09/2023 03:57

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Jolly good.

The way you personally attack me with no actual argument makes you seem quite ghastly as well.

TiredCatLady · 24/09/2023 04:14

You want a boyfriend of five months to take time out of work, do a five hour round trip drive to pick you up because you messed up your timings for the coach? And it’ll cost you another £40? It will cost him more in fuel never mind having to make up the working hours.

Yep YABU.

marcopront · 24/09/2023 05:16

The AIBU from his point of view.

My girlfriend of 5 months is asking me to drive a 5 hour round trip to save her from a 6 hour coach journey. I have told her I don't know when I will be able to get there as I have a meeting in the morning.
She has done a couple of two hour trips for me and thinks that is the same.

Am AIBU to think she is a bit spoiled?

WiddlinDiddlin · 24/09/2023 05:54

What if the reverse is this though?

" My GF of five months is starting a new job tomorrow. She has fucked up travel arrangements getting home from a trip away, and has asked me to drive 2.5 hours to get her so she can avoid a 6 hour coach trip involving a change. I can use her car for this and she can drive us home or use my car and she'll cover fuel costs.

She has given me lifts, including two airport pick ups (not so far away though), she has given me lifts and the use of her car whilst my car is in the garage too.

Whilst it is annoying, I only have one meeting today and no other work on as I am self employed and had nothing else scheduled for today.

AIBU to tell her to make her own way home?"

I reckon that'd get a different response!

Lahdedahiam · 24/09/2023 06:04

WiddlinDiddlin · 23/09/2023 22:29

I'd not be overly impressed at his response. He could take your car, you could drive back so he'd only do half the driving, you pay the fuel of course...

I'd expect my partner to do it, perhaps grumpily, he's not good with changes of plans but I'd expect him to understand that a lift home is a LOT nicer than dragging your arse 6 hours via two coaches to get home...

For those making out its no different, what planet are you on?

6 hours on a coach, with likely no chance to get decent sleep, plus a change... is not in ANY way comparable to being picked up, even with a wait, in relative comfort at an airport, and then being driven with company/driving your own car back with company, for a couple of hours.

OP clearly states his only work committment is 1 meeting, not a full days paying work so he's losing his spare time not paid hours.

If you begrudge a partner a few hours of your time to help them out, whats the bloody point?!

But the DP would have five hours of travelling to safe the OP six hours of travelling. Hardly seems worth the effort IMO!

marcopront · 24/09/2023 06:54

@WiddlinDiddlin

Yes that is another way to look at it.

However I still think expecting someone to drive for 5 hours to save someone else a 6 hour coach journey is a sign of being spoiled.

disappearingfish · 24/09/2023 06:57

I think you've made some poor choices and now you want other people to run round after you. You should have taken an extra day's holiday after long haul travel. But now you just have to make the best of it. Choose your attitude, get as much sleep as you can on your flights, don't drink any alcohol and then mainline black coffee when you get to work.

PosterBoy · 24/09/2023 07:03

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

how brave, keyboard warrior

Redditchcycler · 24/09/2023 07:18

In five months you have been to Mexico and he has been on two trips abroad. How long have you actually spent together?
I would okay you have friends who you know better and could have asked

WandaWonder · 24/09/2023 07:31

No way would I expect anyone to pick me up in this scenario, mind you seems to happen a bit on here there was a similar situation a couple of months back

Eleganz · 24/09/2023 07:41

Just get the bus OP and plan your trips better next time.

FitAt50 · 24/09/2023 07:45

Motomum23 · 23/09/2023 16:05

I agree not a response from a loving partner... I would personally be taking a step back from the relationship at this point... why put effort in if you don't get any back.

I would take a step back from a relationship with you, after this answer.

CherryCokeFanatic · 24/09/2023 07:56

WiddlinDiddlin · 24/09/2023 05:54

What if the reverse is this though?

" My GF of five months is starting a new job tomorrow. She has fucked up travel arrangements getting home from a trip away, and has asked me to drive 2.5 hours to get her so she can avoid a 6 hour coach trip involving a change. I can use her car for this and she can drive us home or use my car and she'll cover fuel costs.

She has given me lifts, including two airport pick ups (not so far away though), she has given me lifts and the use of her car whilst my car is in the garage too.

Whilst it is annoying, I only have one meeting today and no other work on as I am self employed and had nothing else scheduled for today.

AIBU to tell her to make her own way home?"

I reckon that'd get a different response!

You miss the point where OP was perfectly happy to plan and get her own coach home until she realised the mess up and doesn’t want to spend £40 to rectify it. Then uses the journey on the coach etc as an excuse - when that was always the plan!

Cosyblankets · 24/09/2023 08:18

Redditchcycler · 24/09/2023 07:18

In five months you have been to Mexico and he has been on two trips abroad. How long have you actually spent together?
I would okay you have friends who you know better and could have asked

I thought that

DirectionToPerfection · 24/09/2023 08:48

With some posters I'm not sure if it's an insane level of entitlement, or just a desire to take the woman's side in an argument no matter what.

There is literally no justification in asking for this lift when OP had always planned to get the coach anyway.

It's also incredible that people seem to think self employment isn't real work. He has to make a living and would presumably have to make up the time he lost in order to get his work done.

Aprilx · 24/09/2023 08:53

dramallamamx · 23/09/2023 16:08

Been together since April .

So he is a new boyfriend, not your partner for a start.

And yes you are being very unreasonable. Sounds like there is a perfectly good and cheap option available (the coach). I honestly wouldn’t even ask my husband of twenty years to come and pick me up if it involved a five hour round trip when I could just take a coach.

theleafandnotthetree · 24/09/2023 09:00

gamerchick · 23/09/2023 16:13

Well not anymore. Remind him of this when you get home. Don't do it to guilt him into it.

Tbh I wouldn't even have to ask my husband to come and get me. He would just do it so he knew I was getting home safe and he would see me sooner.

Show quote history

God that sounds smug....and I don't think 'getting home safely' comes in to it. We're talking about a coach from an airport not the fall of Saigon.

wednesdayatone · 24/09/2023 09:02

Why can't you get a train or coach?

StampOnTheGround · 24/09/2023 09:11

dramallamamx · 23/09/2023 21:01

The airport that I picked him up from was about an hour away, not the same one. I will take on board that he doesn't have any obligation do it but it would still have been nice and would have shown that he cared about me, I will definitely be more wary of doing him any favours in the future and keep an eye on it if we do work things out. It was his birthday a couple of weeks ago and I booked a weekend away and paid for it and drove there and back and I'm wondering if I'm doing too much for him and if I should take a step back.

Okay, so this has highlighted you are even more unreasonable - he may well have come and got you from the one that's an hour away, but that's a lot closer than 2.5 hours.

Don't punish him for your mistakes, as most of us have mentioned, our husbands who we've been together for years wouldn't pick us up in the same circumstances. Never mind someone you've barely been with!

Summerbay23 · 24/09/2023 09:31

Inkyblue123 · 23/09/2023 22:33

Just buy a new ticket. You made a mistake, suck it up. I’m sure 5 hours of his time + petrol is more than £40 and quite frankly you’re a CF for expecting him to do it.

This. You’ve only been going out for a few months, I don’t think it’s fair to expect it. If you’re independent enough to travel then you should sort this yourself. If you weren’t keen on a long bus journey you should have asked him way in advance if he could pick you up.

RightSaidFred72 · 24/09/2023 09:43

Mistressanne · 23/09/2023 16:57

Hope you haven't bought him a pressy op.
Your dm sounds lovely.

And probably the reason OP is precious and entitled.

Swipe left for the next trending thread