In expecting him to pick me up from the airport?

[dramallamamx]

I'm currently travelling alone in Mexico and I realised I had made a mistake with my coach times to get home from the airport as I forgot about the time difference. A new ticket is £40 and a 6 hour coach journey returning home at 8pm by which time I will have been travelling for around 24 hours and I am back at work the next day. I rang my partner and asked if he could give me a lift from the airport , it is about a 2 and a half hour drive. He says he has a meeting at 10am and I land at 11:15, I said ok I don't mind waiting at the airport for you to arrive, he says he will be too tired as he drove 5 hours to Devon yesterday for a music show and he doesn't know how long the meeting will last so he can't do it and it's my fault that I fucked up the times. I said he was being selfish as I would go out of my way to help him in this situation. Who is being unreasonable here?

You can’t be real! You would rather be in a car than a coach. So you think he should be delighted to spend 5-6 hours driving? Because you don’t want to be on a coach for 6 hours?

It’s not even going to save you that much time.

It’s really entitled to say ‘actually I don’t want to be a passenger on a coach anymore. So you, a boyfriend of 20 weeks, should be jumping at the chance to drive 5-6 hours so I can be more comfortable. Ignore that driving 5-6 hours is tiring and not comfortable for you and that you also have a job. Prioritise my preference…..and be delighted by it’

In all honesty, I wouldn’t work then take the rest of the day off to drive 5-6 hours to pick dp up because he no longer wanted to get the 6 hour coach, cause he feels he would be more comfortable in a car while I drive. In fact he wouldn’t even ask. He wouldn’t expect me, at short notice, to do that because he would feel a tad more comfortable in the car.

If you have done it for him and he is not willing to do it for you I believe you have your answer he is not a keeper.

I sort of wondered this especially paired with the mum offering to pay for a taxi. There are some people I know who absolutely hate public transport and will go to quite extreme lengths to avoid it.

So you want him to drive 5hrs, so you don't have to do a 6hr coach journey? Just because someone is self employed, doesn't mean he would have had the rest of the day off after his meeting. After this, he might be reevaluating his relationship with you also.

YABU - No way would I ask DH or anyone to do this for me, not at 10am! If it were 10pm and you’d be stranded, maybe, but you’ve all day to get back. Don’t be silly.

If I were the partner then I would be watching the OP more carefully for any more selfish demands when she'd made a mistake, she is asking him to drive 5 hours awake to save her from a 6 hour journey asleep!

Honestly I' think it was a bit rich if you to ask him. I wouldn't ask my dh to drive that far on a work day just because i didn't want to do a coach trip.
Collect me when I'm stranded . Absolutely collect me cause I don't fancy the coach . Not a chance

I'm really intrigued as to what time the original coach was.
I think 2 hrs 45 mins is about the right gap between plane arrival and the coach departure. It takes time to get off the plane, go through immigration, collect luggage, go through customs and then get to the coach station. In fact it may not be long enough.

This just doesn't make sense. By the time his meeting has finished and you factor in waiting time your return journey by car could end up being longer than 6 hours.

Regardless, whilst I'm sure you'd prefer to be in a car for 2.5hours to avoid a 6 hour journey, it is pretty cheeky to to expect your relatively new boyfriend to do almost the equivalent journey due to your mistake unless the lifts you're referring to were long and very inconvenient to you (in which case you could and should have said no).

The airport that I picked him up from was about an hour away, not the same one. I will take on board that he doesn't have any obligation do it but it would still have been nice and would have shown that he cared about me, I will definitely be more wary of doing him any favours in the future and keep an eye on it if we do work things out. It was his birthday a couple of weeks ago and I booked a weekend away and paid for it and drove there and back and I'm wondering if I'm doing too much for him and if I should take a step back.

Seems like too much for so early in a relationship. You should be going halves on weekends away at this stage, not doing them as birthday presents. IMO.

Yes, that was too much effort for someone you’ve been seeing since April. Did he even offer to contribute?

What did he do for your birthday, or has it not been yet?

But all the things you’ve mentioned are run of the mill things, even dropping someone off at an airport an hour away, it’s nothing in the grand scheme of things, to solidly drive for 5-6 hours is asking far too much of someone when you could get back at the same time, without putting anyone else out, if you were stranded, that’s completely different.

this isn’t him showing you he doesn’t care about you, you’ve shown him you don’t care about him by asking (fair enough) but then getting stroppy and manipulative when he says no, I would 100% bin you off for that level of selfishness.

I think you should take a step back and see how much he is investing in your relationship, how is he really present and involved, does he show he is building something, does he have those traits and qualities you want/need etc. it's early days and don't let your own feelings make you over invest. Give him a chance and space to lead and see if he is the man for you,

You'd be out the door if you made me feel guilty for saying no. I'm sure those times you've picked him up weren't time or sleep sensitive.

I don’t think he’s being unreasonable but it would have been nice. But I don’t think you should expect him to pick up after you’ve made an error.

It sounds like you’re not an experienced traveller.

It’s pretty daft planning to arrive home after a long trip and then go to work the next day. Or rather, it’s daft if you’ve planned it that way, and then complain about it. And also to fuss about another few hours on tne coach from airport to home. By that point it makes little difference.

It won’t kill you to go to work the next day. Sleep and doze as much as possible on the flight home. You’ll survive.

I wouldn’t even ask my husband to do this unless there was some type of emergency.

This is not an emergency. You just prefer a bit a of extra comfort and shorter journey time.

I think it's a big ask. £40 is nothing compared to the cost of a holiday. Whilst I get travelling for 24hrs isn't pleasant it's doable. Asking him to make a 2.5hr trip (presumably 5 both ways) to airport is a big ask in the middle of the day with no prior notice. You think he should use 5hrs of his time plus petrol so you can save 3.5hrs of your time and £40....for your mistake?
Your mum sounds like she has more money than sense.
You're being unreasonable

I'd not be overly impressed at his response. He could take your car, you could drive back so he'd only do half the driving, you pay the fuel of course...

I'd expect my partner to do it, perhaps grumpily, he's not good with changes of plans but I'd expect him to understand that a lift home is a LOT nicer than dragging your arse 6 hours via two coaches to get home...

For those making out its no different, what planet are you on?

6 hours on a coach, with likely no chance to get decent sleep, plus a change... is not in ANY way comparable to being picked up, even with a wait, in relative comfort at an airport, and then being driven with company/driving your own car back with company, for a couple of hours.

OP clearly states his only work committment is 1 meeting, not a full days paying work so he's losing his spare time not paid hours.

If you begrudge a partner a few hours of your time to help them out, whats the bloody point?!

Just buy a new ticket. You made a mistake, suck it up. I’m sure 5 hours of his time + petrol is more than £40 and quite frankly you’re a CF for expecting him to do it.

A 5 hour drive on a working day- yes YABU. Your solution means that for that leg of the journey you’d be 2.5 hours sitting in a car chilling, he’s got to do a 5-6 hour drive on top of a day’s work. I would do this for my partner if there was literally no public transport but otherwise I’d expect them to make their own way home-for at least some of the journey.

I wouldn't want my partner to spend 5.5 hours driving, just so I could save 3.5 hrs of my own time. Bit selfish IMO.

So instead of you sitting on your arse for 6 hours, you want your boyfriend to drive you for nearly 6 hours instead?

What a charmer,

I think you need to stop thinking of whether you do too much for him, and actually consider what the majority of people are saying on here and that YBU. Otherwise what was the point in asking on here.

DH is very generous with his time but I would never dream of asking him this as it's too much