In expecting him to pick me up from the airport?

[dramallamamx]

I'm currently travelling alone in Mexico and I realised I had made a mistake with my coach times to get home from the airport as I forgot about the time difference. A new ticket is £40 and a 6 hour coach journey returning home at 8pm by which time I will have been travelling for around 24 hours and I am back at work the next day. I rang my partner and asked if he could give me a lift from the airport , it is about a 2 and a half hour drive. He says he has a meeting at 10am and I land at 11:15, I said ok I don't mind waiting at the airport for you to arrive, he says he will be too tired as he drove 5 hours to Devon yesterday for a music show and he doesn't know how long the meeting will last so he can't do it and it's my fault that I fucked up the times. I said he was being selfish as I would go out of my way to help him in this situation. Who is being unreasonable here?

Would you have given him the £40 you would have spent in the coach for the petrol/time?!

I find it hard to believe that someone traveling around Mexico by herself is precious tbf.

DH lived in the US for a couple of years for work and we had exactly this - airport just about 2.5 hours from our house. He got the coach every time and neither of us ever considered otherwise.

The new ticket for the other coach is £40 it's going to cost that in petrol. Just get the coach and nap, 8 isn't that late to be getting home. If he has a meeting at 10 and doesn't know how long it's going to last, even if he leaves at 12 he won't be there until 2:30 and that's giving him no time to stop it have lunch so could be closer to three. Then 2.5 hours plus home you're looking at 5:30/6 he's missed nearly a whole day of work (being self employed doesn't mean your work isn't important), he's had two days on the trot of 5 hours driving and the difference to your arrival home is negligible.

Do people really think that OP would be prepared to drive the return journey if her boyfriend did drive to her? She would surely plead tiredness and be unable to drive?

I'd never ask anyone to do a 5-hour round trip for me. Especially not somebody I love. You're an adult, organise yourself.

No, but it's a bit disappointing that she reverts to 'helpless little woman' mode once her plane lands in the UK.

If this post is for real then true.

It's fine to ask the question.
It's fine for him to say no.
It's fine to feel a bit frustrated that he said no (who doesn't feel frustrated when things don't go our way from time to time).
It's even fine to come online for a bit of a whinge about it.

It's not fine to punish him for saying no.
It's not fine to keep a score of favours in a relationship.
It's not fair to try and guilt trip him into doing what you want him to do.

I don't think you should be doing favours for anyone unless you are willing to forget about them. Once you start complaining about them and asking for ridiculous things in return, they cease to have any value.

My dh would do it for me and I him.

Exactly this. It’s not a competition

I would probably do it for my partner of 7 years now, but I wouldn’t have after 7 months and even now I wouldn’t if it impacted work.

a few years ago I flew from a local (40 minutes away) airport and my sister dropped me off. Plans changed and I flew back into an airport 2 hours away instead - so I hired a car to get back as I wouldn’t have dreamt of expecting her to do a 4 hour round trip!

I can it understand wanting someone at an unspecified time because they are working/ in a meeting, to then have to drive 5 hrs last minute, because you don't feel like doing 6 hrs in a couch, which you were always going to do. There was never an arrangement before you went that he'd pick you up, and last minute you asked, he said no.

But the DP would have five hours of travelling to safe the OP six hours of travelling. Hardly seems worth the effort IMO!

It's worse than that. It would only save the op 3.5 hours of travelling.

I wonder if it was money, rather than time, people would still think that op is in the right. If she wanted him to spend £50 so she could save £35, for example. Instead of op spending £60, she would spend £25 and he would spend £50?

Given the saying 'time is money', and the fact that he's self employed, it's not too ridiculous a comparison imo. I'm sure someone will be along to disagree with me shortly though 😜

You want him to drive for five hours because you don't want to sit on a coach for 6 hours? That's unreasonable.

It's not about the money paying for a new ticket it's that the new coach takes an hour and a half longer and has a change due to a different route. He hasn't changed his mind anyway so I've left it.

Username checks out.

Genuinely, why?

My DH is wonderful and considerate, and I know he would do it if I asked. I would never dream of asking him though, unless it was an emergency and I had no other way home. I'm not going to take advantage of his good nature just because I can't be arsed with public transport.

Likewise it wouldn't even occur to him to ask me, when there's a coach available. He wouldn't want to put me out.

I honestly don't understand why anyone would ask their partner to do this in OP's circumstances. Unless it's some kind of power thing, making the man prove himself to her (which seems to be the gist of a few comments here).

But you expect him to do a longer round trip? Can you seriously not see the issue there?

In your first post you came across as expecting a bit much/maybe being a bit naive. The subsequent have just solidified how selfish you are.

I've been with my partner for 4 years and I wouldn't expect him to do this for me - by the time he allows parking time and finding you time, you're expecting him to do the same amount of time as you are on the coach home.

You are a bit of a CF, sorry.

Yup. When a relationship becomes transactional it's over imo.

Would he ask you to in those circumstances though? and would you ask him to in those same circumstances as OP?

@dramallamamx I feel sorry for your partner, your expectation of him and subsequent responses to the majority saying you're being unreasonable is ridiculous. Like you still expect it? When we're all telling you that it's unreasonable.