DH thinks he’s done nothing wrong and calls me crazy

[cantstopeating1]

Latest fight: Wednesday morning told him I will make something nice for our dinner and what time will he be home he replied 7pm. I was trying to make things better as for a few years it’s just been me focusing on kids, home and I’ve gone back to work 2 weeks ago. He’s been focused on work. Come 7pm no sign, waited till 8 nothing, sent a text no reply. Called no answer. He came home at 12am! Next day I didn’t speak to him properly (he worked from home). Today he came home in a huff and puff as I “didn’t cook dinner for him yesterday”. Argument got heated (kids: 8 and 4 were in bed so not around). I told him I’m fed up how he treats me, he disrespects me often, takes no interest in the kids life or my life. Never asks me how I am etc, I do everything, the cleaning, cooking, childcare, life admin everything, he called me crazy and a few other things.

no I can’t leave as he pays the mortgage, I have a very low paid job (teaching). He works in a very high paying job, I have no savings so leaving would be very selfish as would destroy my kids life currently and future. He wouldn’t fight me for custody he would just let us leave, I’ve looked into the financials. He would dispute and court case would drag on for years (he’s a lawyer) I have jo family support and when I called a Womens shelter they were not very helpful at all. Basically told me the shelter is a short term solution and as I’m working I should be able to rent a place. Council was not helpful either.

My mum didn't take a new partner for a while. If she'd gone to a violent abuser after the divorce then of course it would have been worse, that's self-evident. When writing to the OP, I did so with the reasonable assumption that she would steer clear of men for a while.

One of OP's kids is eight, so more than old enough to understand that mum and dad dislike each other. At eight, I was creeping out onto the landing to listen in on the argument and by ten I was tryjng to console a terrified seven year old when I didn't understand myself why our parents were acting like that. The divorce was a relief because they sat down and told us what was happening, what we should expect, and that them splitting up didn't meam they didn't love us.

I'm sorry that your parents were not as considerate of you as mine tried to be.

how did he expect dinner at 12am ? @cantstopeating1

I'm in the same boat, though in my case my parents divorced when it was still rare and had a huge social stigma attached. Even so, it was an immense relief when my parents split up, even though I had to remain with my narcissistic mother. At least the fights stopped, and I didn't have to be constantly watchful and tense waiting for the next one to blow up. And yes, they did try to hide it, but it was bloody obvious their marriage was shit.

Well done you. Have a biscuit.

You can leave - i did. Husband took anything i had of worth and sold it, used my savings, forced us to split living costs 50/50 even though he earned 3 times more than me. I had literally nothing. I was on unpaid maternity leave at the time. It wont be a luxury life but it will be free from your ex.

When the come home at 12am and still expect you to have dinner waiting... they have a bit on the side.

He isnt interested in you or the kids, isnt coming home like some kind of tom cat, complaining you dont do things when you are doing far more than 50% of the day to day work. He basically is treating you like a live in maid.

Not acceptable.