Why are parents so keen on Santa?

[separableRogueries]

Posting from the UK.

My husband told our 3.5 yo that Santa isn’t real. She’s previously asked whether various other things were real (unicorns, monsters etc), and we’re always honest with her, so he didn’t realise Santa might be special).

I was a bit bummed because I quite enjoy the whole Santa thing, but I didn’t think it was the end of the world. I told some friends and one said she would be really upset if her partner did that, and another told me to expect a message from my daughter’s nursery if she mentions it today. I checked mumsnet and found parents of 8 and 9 year olds (!!!!!) agonising over whether to tell them The Truth, and it seems that many parents have Very Strong Feelings about Santa.

My question is, AITA for not understanding the Santa hysteria? Why is Santa held on a pedestal over, say, unicorns and God? My daughter LOVES unicorns and dragons, and knows that they’re not real. And nobody has side-eyed me for telling her that we don’t go to church because we (her parents) don’t believe in God.

Do parents of faiths who don’t celebrate Christmas warn their kids to never discuss Santa at nursery in the UK?

Would love to know your thoughts (and hopefully find at least one parent who doesn’t gasp in horror at a 3.5 yo knowing The Truth 😅)

mine too, but it's much faster to write Santa than to write Father Christmas. I stick to Santa on forums...

did you present every "belief" every time you teach your kids something?
Flat earth and the like.😂

@MuckyPlucky we are six pages in and I seem to be the only person who has mentioned St Nicholas.
'Saint...Ni...cholas"
"Sant....a.....cl...aus"
Don't you see where the name came from. It's nothing to do with "Americans" 😂

DC is too young at the moment but we will 'do' Santa. I'm not going to expect other DC's who might not believe to play along, it isn't their responsibility and DC will learn very quickly with school etc that families are different, have different opinions and a random DC at school not believing doesn't have to take away what they believe in.

Terry Pratchett had a good take on it:

HUMANS NEED FANTASY TO BE HUMAN. TO BE THE PLACE WHERE THE FALLING ANGEL MEETS THE RISING APE.

"Tooth fairies? Hogfathers? Little—"

YES. AS PRACTICE. YOU HAVE TO START OUT LEARNING TO BELIEVE THE LITTLE LIES.

"So we can believe the big ones?"

YES. JUSTICE. MERCY. DUTY. THAT SORT OF THING.

"They're not the same at all!"

YOU THINK SO? THEN TAKE THE UNIVERSE AND GRIND IT DOWN TO THE FINEST POWDER AND SIEVE IT THROUGH THE FINEST SIEVE AND THEN SHOW ME ONE ATOM OF JUSTICE, ONE MOLECULE OF MERCY. AND YET—Death waved a hand. AND YET YOU ACT AS IF THERE IS SOME IDEAL ORDER IN THE WORLD, AS IF THERE IS SOME...SOME RIGHTNESS IN THE UNIVERSE BY WHICH IT MAY BE JUDGED.

"Yes, but people have got to believe that, or what's the point—"

MY POINT EXACTLY.”

I'm with @PerspiringElizabeth - it's not a lie, it's a game of pretend for a world we all wish was real so we all join in and that makes it sort of real. Then when you are too old to believe the pretend you get to join in pretending and be part of making it almost real.

What now?
Maybe read my comment in the context of the comment I quoted and you will understand why your response is going off on a tangent.

Oh, for goodness' sake.

Anyway, back to the OP - I'm with you. I was aware from very early on - probably about age 4 - that Santa wasn't real, and still loved Christmas Eve and waking up in the morning to my pillowcase of presents. I've always done Santa* for my children very much as a nice, fun story, but just that - a story. I don't see at all how that has ever impacted on their excitement and joy at Christmas. Tbh, I think it augments them, because it lowers the stakes. They don't have to 'believe', at all costs, in something logically impossible. And there is no painful shattering of illusions.

My older two are late teens now, but my youngest is 8 and lives in a perpetual world of stories and imagination. She knows she's not a baby dragon, or a cat, or the queen of the dinosaurs, or whatever else it is. It doesn't make it any less real and joyful to her. The joy of stories is in suspending (not giving up for good) our disbelief, surely?

*I'm not American either. Neither am I from any of the many other English-speaking countries and regions that use 'Santa'. But I can't stand the snobbery (from some English people) over how Father Christmas is the only 'correct' term and anything else is frightfully non-U.

It’s an odd thread. Why do you care if others even celebrate Father Christmas, or Christmas at all for that matter.

We love it. If you’ve decided to do it differently, that’s up to you but why start a thread which you know will create some negativity? Very strange.

come on, your comment was silly and you know it.

If you talk to a little kid about angels, or fairies, or santa, elves, whatever, you are not starting to explain that not everyone believe in those 😂

talk about ruining the moment. You know you were not being serious.

Why do you keep goi g on about unicorns? Yeah, your dd likes them but knows their not real. We get it.

'If you’ve decided to do it differently, that’s up to you but why start a thread which you know will create some negativity? Very strange'

Isn't that how most of MN operates though? Sad, but true.

As I said, read it in the context of the person I was quoting. You have chosen to make points because you chose to go off on some random tangent.

As it is, it's not the difficult to introduce the general concept of different people believing in different things - be that Santa, religions and so on, even young children are fairly accepting of these things. It's also good to teach them to question, so that they can learn.

Oh god, I’ve got a 3.5 year old and I’ve been thinking the last few weeks about how I’ve only got a few christmases with him while he really believes (4 or 5 if I’m lucky) and been thinking I must really make the most of it. I’m so excited for this Christmas, childhood passes so quickly and I’d be devastated if he found out santa isn’t real now.

But we’re all different and if it doesn’t bother you or DH then fine. I just think it’s a bit of a shame that that part of Christmas is over for your DD before it’s really begun. I’d also have kept up the pretence in case she tells others at nursery that might be very upset about it.

In fairness, the reverse comes up on here all the time, people frothing at the mouth about how a classmate or friend heinously ruined their child’s innocence and ended the magic of Christmas forever to the point where they may as well hang a black wreath on the door and dig a reindeer grave on the lawn..

It’s fairly clear from the high emotion of the replies that very little of it is to do with the children. It’s adult projection and some post-religious ideas about belief and ‘innocence’. I haven’t quite figured out the correlation with adult perceptions of children understanding the mechanics of sex ruining their innocence, but there’s definitely a connection.

We didn't do Santa. Presents came from parents. However,child did not believe us! He believed his little buddies at preschool. When we asked him why he didn't get presents from Santa, he explained that "mama and daddy are stealing the presents from Santa and switching the tags." Okay. He figured it out a couple years later. I will say that as he grew up, the question "Have Mom and Dad ever lied to you?" was a useful parenting tool.

This

What seems to me ‘miserable and joyless’ is how clenched and uptight people are about compulsory belief in FC/Santa. I mean, unclench. I can’t imagine imposing my vision of Christmas n other people, or thinking my Muslim friends were miserable and joyless because they opened their shop as usual on Christmas Day.

Because it can be a really special, magical belief to have and for the family to indulge in. Which is a lovely thing that the DC and parents will always look back on fondly.

But this is MN where you'll always get posters sneering about it and saying it's not the only way for Xmas to be special or magical, despite no-one saying it was.

And for all the millions of people who say it was a lovely part of their childhood that wasn't harmful in any way, there's always a poster or 2 who'll claim that finding out the truth made them realise their parents were liars and their childhood was shattered and they haven't trusted anyone since or some other nonsense.

Just do you.

It's like f-ing clockwork on MN this time of year, you get the Santa questions early then the 'Halloween wasn't even a thing when I was growing up, it's American' and all the complaints about Halloween and how DC shouldn't be trick or treating or if they are, should be given raisins and cherry tomatoes instead of sweets.

Then the complaints about people putting their Xmas decorations up too early. And the complaints about fireworks night being antisocial.

Then complaints about advent calendars because chocolate ones containing 2g of chocolate a day contain too much sugar but little gifts each day or non-chocolate advent calendars are too many presents and spoiling DC.

And North Pole breakfasts, December or Xmas Eve boxes are just too ridiculous, common, tacky, performative, and lead to spoiled DC.

Then all the other arguments about how many gifts DC should get and what should be in a Xmas stocking as otherwise it's just extra presents and not a stocking if it isn't an orange, a toothbrush, school socks or whatever.

Then all the arguments about whether adults should get or expect presents. About whether family at Xmas means you, DP and kids or other people. How much is acceptable for DCs to get at Xmas with some spending hundreds and others doing the 4 presents max 'something they want, something they need, something to wear and something to read' trope and railing about not having plastic tat in their house and all their kids get 2nd hand wooden, educational or biodegradable toys. And the "just wrap up an empty box, they'll enjoy that just as much as a toy" advice for any DC under 2 and even wanting to buy a under 2 year old a present is pointless, excessive and a bit common.

Then 26th of December the complaints start about people taking their decorations down 'too early".

Same every year.

In Ireland and most of Scotland, in Santa and always has been. Some mainland European countries also.

Perhaps if you travelled more..

We've never done Santa.

What can be more amazing than the Son of God being born?

@AhNowTed yes indeed.....
"Santa Claus"
Based on St Nicholas....or as they say in DUTCH "Sinterklaas" 😂
Those Americans get blamed for everything.

@separableRogueries Just poked myself to double check I'm not 'make-believe' and can confitm that witches are definitely real ⭐

Well, if you believe in that it is pretty amazing.
The reality is that many people don't believe that either, choosing no religion or a different one.
Christmas has expanded to include more than the religious aspects, in fact some of it was probably borrowed from other winter festivals to start with, and people now celebrate it for a whole host of reasons.
I think whatever it means to you is what's important, there is no absolute right or wrong, we just need to respect different views on the matter.

In Ireland and most of Scotland, in Santa and always has been. Some mainland European countries also.

Perhaps if you travelled more

I was going to say. But the ignorance of the English shines though on these threads 😂

I think perhaps @separableRogueries was referring to the story book image of an old ugly wrinkly villain with boils on her nose, and who runs about boiling toads and scaring children, as opposed to someone who actually follows that sort of faith?