Why are parents so keen on Santa?

[separableRogueries]

Posting from the UK.

My husband told our 3.5 yo that Santa isn’t real. She’s previously asked whether various other things were real (unicorns, monsters etc), and we’re always honest with her, so he didn’t realise Santa might be special).

I was a bit bummed because I quite enjoy the whole Santa thing, but I didn’t think it was the end of the world. I told some friends and one said she would be really upset if her partner did that, and another told me to expect a message from my daughter’s nursery if she mentions it today. I checked mumsnet and found parents of 8 and 9 year olds (!!!!!) agonising over whether to tell them The Truth, and it seems that many parents have Very Strong Feelings about Santa.

My question is, AITA for not understanding the Santa hysteria? Why is Santa held on a pedestal over, say, unicorns and God? My daughter LOVES unicorns and dragons, and knows that they’re not real. And nobody has side-eyed me for telling her that we don’t go to church because we (her parents) don’t believe in God.

Do parents of faiths who don’t celebrate Christmas warn their kids to never discuss Santa at nursery in the UK?

Would love to know your thoughts (and hopefully find at least one parent who doesn’t gasp in horror at a 3.5 yo knowing The Truth 😅)

What do you mean that Santa (or Father Christmas) isn't real? Of course the guy dressed up in a tatty red suit in the shopping centre isn't really Santa, and kids know this pretty early on, but the idea of Santa - the spirit of Christmas - is very real. 'Santa' is about putting others above yourself, 'Santa' is about giving gifts without any expectation of receiving. 'Santa' is the wonderful magic of other's enjoyment.

My kids have never actually been told that Santa isn't real - they figure that out for themselves. They also figure out that actually, we are all Santa.

My point was that Christmas can be magical without believing in FC . Often on here I read people saying that Christmas is less magical when their kids stop believing and that is not the case for us .

I agree with this but then we're Irish and it's very unusual here for parents to adopt such a hardline approach. There was a little boy in dc1s class years ago who tried telling everyone in juniors. Loads of parents complained abs thr teacher had a quiet word with his parents but regardless I noticed he was definitely excluded from parties and play dates afterwards as parents were afraid of him saying anything further .
I remember the magic of Santa very fondly and would be so disappointed if someone spoiled it for my kids .

Despite the stereotype of MN posters, which some posters seem to revel in, that MNetters are middle or upper class, high-earning, highly-educated, well-travelled and informed; there's an extremely large number who can’t possibly contemplate that not everyone is like them.

That other cultures, experiences, practices, behaviours, opinions, thoughts and views other than their own either don't exist or are somehow inferior.

How odd...

Christmas was absolutely magical for me as a child. I remember sitting up trying to listen out for Santa with my sister or getting up early and sneaking downstairs to see if he'd been and racing upstairs to tell my parents. Every Christmas I still get that feeling of magic, it's stayed with me ever since.

I want my children to experience those feelings and the pure joy it brings. My DN found out there was no santa just after Christmas when he was 8 and when he was 9 he told me he wasn't as excited that year because he knew there was no Santa so it definitely takes some of the joy out of it.

I'd be furious if my DH told our kids there was no santa before they were the age where they started to work it out for themselves.

I imagine it's different for children who never believe in Santa though. Their Christmas will always be a different experience to children who believe and then experience Christmas for the first time knowing the truth.

Likewise. Our adopted son moved in just before the end of the Christmas term in year one. Promptly told all the class they were ridiculous to still believe in Santa. Would not let it lie as just couldn't believe they were such babies. I had a lot of complaints. We all lived to tell the tale.

This is exactly my point - if I tell my kids I don’t believe in God, no one says they’re not allowed to tell their religious friends that he isn’t real. I’d happily tell a Christian, Muslim, Jew etc that I don’t believe in their religion.

If I refuse to tell my kids that Santa is real, somehow I also have to stop them from telling anyone else? He’s the deity that cannot be denied.

It is like a compulsory religion, and the idea that Christmas isn’t magical without it just shows how little imagination some people have.

Whereforartthoudave · Today 16:03

Oh, you’re THOSE parents.
well done you, I admire anyone who thinks they never lie to their kids…

My daughter drew a picture of me this morning and I told her it was the best drawing I’d ever seen. Of course I lie to my child, and I didn’t claim otherwise.

But when she looks me dead in the eye and asks me a straight question I always try to tell her the truth, in an age appropriate way. I didn’t trust my parents and I want her to trust me.

Too many parents gaslight their kids.

I think Santa might be Northern England as well.

I just asked my mum and she told me Santa and Father Christmas are originally two different myths. Santa was St Nicholas and came here as a Christian mythology import, Father Christmas was a pre-existing Pagan belief originally depicted more like a Green Man. They got merged.

Not suggesting I asked her because she was around in pagan times 😂she just knew a bit more than I did about it.

AITA for not understanding why you’re even celebrating Christmas if you don’t believe in God?

wow, it's the OP who mentioned "hysteria", not me, but indeed....😂

I think there are a whole host of reasons:

1. People do believe in god/jesus.
2. People were brought up to believe in god/jesus and still wonder about it all at times like Christmas, Easter etc
3. People were brought up with Christmas being a special time
4. People celebrated other festivals around the same time and a lot of these have sort of 'merged together'
5. Societal/familial pressure
6. Why not? We need something to cheer us up in the middle of winter!

There may well be other reasons too, these are just the first which come to mind!

Why do you think this is directed at you? Am I missing something? I did think the quoted comment was a bit random tbh.

What males you think people don't tell their children not to go around inflicting their parents' beliefs about God on other children? Part of bringing up your children in a multicultural society is teaching them that people have different beliefs and different thoughts on God/ a higher power, and that this is a subject where everyone is entitled to their own thoughts.

I would put telling other kids about Santa right up there alongside telling them things like "Your mother is fat" or "Your granny looks funny because she has no teeth" or "Your dad looks old enough to be your mum's grandad".

These are all potentially true comments but none of them are necessary, and all of them are rude and unkind, and the only justification for supporting this kind of remark is the idea that everyone needs to know exactly what you're thinking and you're entitled to tell them your version of the truth every time you wish to, or to make yourself feel superior to someone else because you're in on something they don't know.

Another example of the category of revelations I would place telling other kids about Santa in is 'where babies come from'.

There are people who do not value politeness, or respect for the developmental appropriateness of information they see fit to impart, and who place themselves at the centre of every situation.

Because Christmas is cultural more than religious for many people. They grew up with it so their kids will too.

Not hard to understand really.

Maybe you live in SE England?

In about 3/4 of the rest of the UK he's Santa, and the same goes for Ireland.

It is like a compulsory religion, and the idea that Christmas isn’t magical without it just shows how little imagination some people have.

no, we are good, we have years - decades even - of Christmas without Santa being "real". We don't cancel Christmas the day the kids know for sure, we celebrated Christmas long before they were born, and will keep enjoying the season.

What I'd love to know, is WHY you would want to spoil someone else's Christmas because they chose to do it differently?

I wouldn't find it acceptable if my kids were trying to shut down a friend doing a religious presentation by stating "God/Jesus/Allah..." are not real. Who does that?

This is completely disingenuous. There is no equivalent to Christmas for unicorns or dragons. Santa is a major figure for children across the world.

I simply said to my kids when they asked ‘what do you think?’Do I think that would make them not trust me if I had lied to them about it? No I absolutely don’t. What utter shite. It’s a harmless bit of magic. Why people insist on being so Ernest about it all is beyond me.

I’m sure some might do but not over Father Christmas.

Because it's actual magic! My parents didn't really do Santa with me so I never really believed. The excitement on Christmas morning, the look on my youngest's face when he sees the "footprints". Nothing compares to it. My 8yo is definitely wavering, but it's still huge fun

Let me introduce you to the human race. They love a fable or a tradition, even better if they can turn it into an excuse to celebrate. Belief in the reasons for the celebration aren’t an automatic requirement although blatant disrespect of the origin of the celebration is frowned on.

Because unicorns and dragons do not represent the spirit of one of the most celebrated holidays in the world, a holiday with different meanings for all of those who celebrate it, from the birth of Jesus (for religious people) or at the very least the season of giving and enjoying with family. It's ok that you want to be honest with your daughter and it's your prerogative to tell her the truth, but to say you were not aware people were going to be precious about it is plain denial 😂