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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that my boyfriend is being really muggy?

290 replies

DeepDishCookie78 · 22/09/2023 10:23

I have been with my boyfriend about a year now. We live about 1 hour 45 minutes away from each other. I have one child and he has none. I have my own home whereas he has had to move back home for a while because his ex got him into some financial difficulties (he is 28 years old and I am 27).

He had booked a surprise weekend for us that was meant to be today until Sunday. It was obviously a surprise when he booked it but he had to give me a few weeks notice to arrange the childcare and for the pets to be looked after.

He has had a really stressful last couple of weeks so said that he wanted to go alone. I was disappointed as it had been booked weeks in advance, I had gone to the trouble to arrange the childcare and for the animals and we don’t get to see each other on our own for quality time very much.

Fast forward to today and he is now taking his dad with him (the trip is to watch a sports game as I have wanted to watch one live for ages). He is definitely going with his dad as I could hear them speaking in the background when he rang.

AIBU to feel really pissed off and mugged off about this? He knows that I still have the childcare and everything arranged (my child still wanted to go and stay with relatives so I kept the plan the same for that) and instead of taking the opportunity to spend quality time with me, he has now suddenly decided that he doesn’t want to go alone but has chosen his dad instead?

OP posts:
Olika · 23/09/2023 14:04

Stay strong and don't go back to him. You are worth so much better. And d the sooner you get rid of wrong ones, the sooner you can meet the right one.

RampantIvy · 23/09/2023 14:19

He didn't even have the balls to end it. Just blocking someone is a despicable thing to do.

I'm sorry he has treated you like this @DeepDishCookie78 Flowers

Gmary20 · 23/09/2023 16:15

He doesn't want to be with you, take the hint.

Lovemusic82 · 23/09/2023 16:20

I think you’ve had a lucky escape. He obviously didn’t care about you and treated you badly. If he wanted to be with you he would jump at any chance to spend a weekend with you. I know you probably feel a bit rubbish about it right now but you will find someone who appreciates you and is excited about spending time with you.

literalviolence · 23/09/2023 16:29

Oh dear OP what a horrible experience. You have had a lucky escape though. There can be no true happiness with a man like that.

DottyLottieLou · 23/09/2023 16:29

It might not feel like it now but it really is better to be by yourself than with someone who doesn't treat you the way you deserve. He might try and wangle his way back in with lots of promises but don't fall for it. Remember he reverted to type in the end. There will be someone better round the corner ( normally when you stop looking) All the best.

sodthesodoff · 23/09/2023 16:30

Hey @DeepDishCookie78 thinking of you. Hope you're having a lovely weekend.

I know it's shit right now. But I think he's done you a favour. You deserve way more.

Enjoy your weekend. Looks after yourself. Do all the things you want to do but never have time. Ice cream officially has no calories this weekend. Get some sun on your face. Get a good film/box set on.

This is the start of your future. You're so much better off without him Flowers

Original poster
DeepDishCookie78 · 23/09/2023 16:34

Thank you so much everyone for your kind words 💐 it hasn’t hit me as much yet, I haven’t had a cry yet, I think I’m still just so angry at how he has treated me and the cheek of it really!

But, I’ve had a lovely day out with my family and my daughter that’s taken my mind off of it, I can see now that I was blinded by the good parts of him - him being good with my daughter, him helping me with my anxiety - but there will be other people out there that can do that too AND want to spend quality time with me and make an effort without having to be asked let alone begged!

I hope you’re all having a lovely weekend! 💐❤️

OP posts:
Aprilx · 23/09/2023 16:42

Needmorelego · 22/09/2023 11:09

@AutumnFroglets the OP hasn't given any indication this is his normal behaviour. So once in a year of dating he has changed plans.
Once.
So there must be something else going on.
Doesn't mean he is a dick/bastard/waste of space/whatever.

This is a bit more than a change of plans!

azlazee1 · 23/09/2023 16:45

Dump him.

NalafromtheLionKing · 23/09/2023 16:47

GodDammitCecil · 22/09/2023 10:56

He’s just not that into you.

Please - ensure your contraception is water tight.

No contraception needed if he were my (STBX) BF

Catsafterme · 23/09/2023 16:51

@DeepDishCookie78 Glad you are feeling positive and had a nice day out. Anger is normal and so is crying so if and when that comes roll with it, all part of the process.

There will be someone better suited thats worth it and this period won't even be a second thought.

MarvellousMonsters · 23/09/2023 17:15

Needmorelego · 22/09/2023 10:51

@ManateeFair what....you've never had a situation come up with a parent that they really need to spend some time with you so plans change?
There could be 1001 reasons.

Why does he need to go away for the weekend to spend time with his dad, when he lives with his dad?? Are you serious??

However it is possible to have your finances/credit rating screwed by a partner, it's happened to me, and to a man I know. If you have joint finances and debts occur you can end up bailing them out and get shafted. And, this isn't the issue here.

He's invited you away, then, when you've gone to great lengths to be able to go, he's uninvited you (rude) and is taking his "dad" instead. Yeah, right. Nope.

LTB

Move on.

MarvellousMonsters · 23/09/2023 17:17

DeepDishCookie78 · 22/09/2023 23:21

Well he ended up randomly blocking me anyway 🤷‍♀️😂 so I sent him one last text on my other phone telling him what a twat he was and that he was never welcome back in my life and that I’m definitely due an upgrade - definitely won’t lower my standards like that for a person again!

Thank you all for your lovely replies and responses 💐

It’s going to be hard adjusting to life without him for a while but it’s probably a lot easier in the long run than being upset every single weekend when he never wants to do anything with me and every single child free night I have i’m sat by myself! X

It wasn't random. He's a fuckwit. You've dodged a bullet.

BotterMon · 23/09/2023 17:46

Oh well done OP. You'll be fine, It takes guts to do what you have done in view of the anxiety you spoke about. Glad you have a lovely day and here's to many more 💐

RampantIvy · 23/09/2023 17:53

Well, it's obvious that a few posters haven't read the OP's updates.

Onwards and upeards @DeepDishCookie78

AllHopeandRainbows · 23/09/2023 18:00

Well he sounds like a right keeper…not 😏
And as for the whole “my ex got me into financial difficulty” 🙄🤨

LTB

AllHopeandRainbows · 23/09/2023 18:01

You’re well rid x

Mumof3confused · 23/09/2023 18:08

He has been really stressed and then uses this as an excuse not to be with you? Says he wants to go alone and takes dad instead.

  1. he let you down
  2. he lied to you
  3. he treats you like a doormat and expects you to be ok with it

It’s a no from me.

RampantIvy · 23/09/2023 18:12

@Mumof3confused read the OP's updates.

OrdinaryGirl · 23/09/2023 18:30

So sorry, OP, this hapless manchild is just not that into you.
My recommendation: Thank u next!

PoisonCookie · 23/09/2023 18:31

Um.. just here to say my ex fiancé blamed his first ex fiancée for all his debt and bankruptcy.. once I moved in with him I learned the hard way it was all his doing because he did to me what he did to her. Now he's got 2 ex fiancée's that "put him in debt".
Talk to him seriously about it because if my partner planned something for us then ditched me last minute to take his dad I'd be very hurt and confused!

CherryCokeFanatic · 23/09/2023 18:40

YANBU That is well muggy and I’d be pranging hard if I were you. He has proper snaked you and mugged you right off. He better get grafting to make it up to you.

RampantIvy · 23/09/2023 18:58

And posters are still not reading the OP's udates.

Just how hard is it?

Peachee · 23/09/2023 19:11

I would be fuming and wouldn’t stand for it

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