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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that my boyfriend is being really muggy?

290 replies

DeepDishCookie78 · 22/09/2023 10:23

I have been with my boyfriend about a year now. We live about 1 hour 45 minutes away from each other. I have one child and he has none. I have my own home whereas he has had to move back home for a while because his ex got him into some financial difficulties (he is 28 years old and I am 27).

He had booked a surprise weekend for us that was meant to be today until Sunday. It was obviously a surprise when he booked it but he had to give me a few weeks notice to arrange the childcare and for the pets to be looked after.

He has had a really stressful last couple of weeks so said that he wanted to go alone. I was disappointed as it had been booked weeks in advance, I had gone to the trouble to arrange the childcare and for the animals and we don’t get to see each other on our own for quality time very much.

Fast forward to today and he is now taking his dad with him (the trip is to watch a sports game as I have wanted to watch one live for ages). He is definitely going with his dad as I could hear them speaking in the background when he rang.

AIBU to feel really pissed off and mugged off about this? He knows that I still have the childcare and everything arranged (my child still wanted to go and stay with relatives so I kept the plan the same for that) and instead of taking the opportunity to spend quality time with me, he has now suddenly decided that he doesn’t want to go alone but has chosen his dad instead?

OP posts:
NeverDropYourMooncup · 23/09/2023 21:08

Garihairy · 22/09/2023 10:30

he has had to move back home for a while because his ex got him into some financial difficulties

Beware the man who blames his ex for whatever. That might not be the case here, but just be aware that this is a potential red flag.

I suspect the financial difficulties were more to do with him spending money on going to sports fixtures and 'weekends away' with other women the lads when there were bills to pay.

You can do better than this specimen.

littlemiss85 · 23/09/2023 21:11

Ooooft give him the boot!

Pherian · 23/09/2023 21:12

dump him and find a whole man who doesn’t live with his parents. Sorry to be that b. You deserve better.

BluebellsForest · 23/09/2023 21:14

Pherian · 23/09/2023 21:12

dump him and find a whole man who doesn’t live with his parents. Sorry to be that b. You deserve better.

Edited

The only thing you should apologise for is not RTFT. Just the OP's would have saved you from a redundant post.

RampantIvy · 23/09/2023 21:14

Pherian · 23/09/2023 21:12

dump him and find a whole man who doesn’t live with his parents. Sorry to be that b. You deserve better.

Edited

Read the OP's updates

Olika · 23/09/2023 21:15

For those who haven't read updates: OP already dumbed him.

Pherian · 23/09/2023 21:17

you ok ?

sodthesodoff · 23/09/2023 21:25

DeepDishCookie78 · 23/09/2023 19:51

So, I got home from a lovely day out and he rang me twice trying to justify himself… told him to stick it where the sun doesn’t shine and I’m not changing my mind and I’m moving on - feeling very proud of myself right now as before I would have given in! 💐

Yes!!! Best update ever!

That's just fricking amazing.

Glad you've had a lovely day with family. Have a brilliant rest of the weekend

Onwards and most definitely upwards! Flowers

Takeabreather23 · 23/09/2023 21:44

OP why did he block you last night? For what reason?
That made me think possibly with another female and didn’t want you calling.

So glad you have dumped him, onwards and upwards !

QueenBitch666 · 23/09/2023 21:49

DeepDishCookie78 · 23/09/2023 19:51

So, I got home from a lovely day out and he rang me twice trying to justify himself… told him to stick it where the sun doesn’t shine and I’m not changing my mind and I’m moving on - feeling very proud of myself right now as before I would have given in! 💐

So proud of you !!! ✊

MysteryBelle · 23/09/2023 21:52

I think it’s the end of the relationship. He said it was a special trip for you two then out of the blue claimed he was stressed out and wanted to go by himself (red flag + that is just terrible behavior to renege like that) and now is bringing his father (rude to you).

I couldn’t feel the same about him.

MysteryBelle · 23/09/2023 21:52

I didn’t see that you’d dumped him. Well done, op!! So happy for you. There are better and brighter men out there.

Sunandsea26 · 23/09/2023 21:56

Would deffo be a huge red flag for me. Should be a really lovely time for you both having one on one time and he’s ruined it. An old ex of mine years ago started to ghost me and it ended shortly after

MsRosley · 23/09/2023 22:01

OP, men who are long term relationship material are dependable, clear in their communication, and not prone to pulling the rug from beneath you at a moment's notice. You choose.

MsRosley · 23/09/2023 22:02

Apologies, I see now you did choose. Well done!

ThistleTits · 23/09/2023 22:03

Garihairy · 22/09/2023 10:30

he has had to move back home for a while because his ex got him into some financial difficulties

Beware the man who blames his ex for whatever. That might not be the case here, but just be aware that this is a potential red flag.

This ^ proceed with caution ⚠️

Emotionalsupportviper · 23/09/2023 22:10

Whatifitallgoesright · 22/09/2023 10:28

That's shit of him. Very rude and selfish. You are not on his priority list. I'd advise ending it completely because I don't see how he can explain himself here. He's a dick.

I'd feel the same.

This is a very twattish thing to do - especially when he knows that you have had to go to a lot of trouble to arrange child and pet care.

I'd tell him to bugger off, myself.

Just read that you have dumped him

I think that you are very wise.

Catsafterme · 23/09/2023 22:19

Well done OP for standing your ground, you'll find someone who's genuine and dependable I'm sure.

AllHopeandRainbows · 23/09/2023 22:25

For those who cannot wait to jump on with “RTFT” just because OP has said she’s dumped does not mean it’s over for good, sometimes people act on impulse then later forgive. It’s good for OP to see multiple posts saying “LTB” and expressing their opinion on the original post in order to for her to stay strong in her decision!

MarrymeJM · 23/09/2023 22:35

Do you think he has gone back to his ex? Perhaps his father pushed him back with her . Or he found your anxiety issues to much work for him. Sorry that sounds harsh but some men don't find needy women that attractive long term. He probably wanted to support your for some time but felt it was going to be too much effort you going away with him for a weekend. He didn't want to be your therapist. But on the bright side he did do a good job getting you back on your feet !

Lolasgame · 23/09/2023 23:13

@MarrymeJM

You tryna get her back on a downer or what 👀

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 24/09/2023 00:32

MarrymeJM · 23/09/2023 22:35

Do you think he has gone back to his ex? Perhaps his father pushed him back with her . Or he found your anxiety issues to much work for him. Sorry that sounds harsh but some men don't find needy women that attractive long term. He probably wanted to support your for some time but felt it was going to be too much effort you going away with him for a weekend. He didn't want to be your therapist. But on the bright side he did do a good job getting you back on your feet !

Even if what you suggest were true, it doesn't justify him standing the OP up nor lying to her.

And I don't think that what you suggest is true in any case. It's far more likely that he's taken advantage of the OP's low self-esteem to piss her about and get away with it, both in the early days and now. He was taking advantage of what you call "needy" behaviour, not being repelled by it.

Way to go to blame OP for her ex's shitty behaviour.

kerryelaine100 · 24/09/2023 01:04

SOME thing going on there babe … but it might just be he fancies some time alone ❤️

Needmorelego · 24/09/2023 01:36

@kerryelaine100 read the thread for pity's sake 🙄

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 24/09/2023 02:36

dump him now as he has let you down big time and you had arranged childcare and for your pets also. This is a massive red flag and I would not be with him as he has shown who he really is. He is not reliable at all and does not put you first and it would have been time for you to spend together which you said do not get much of. He sounds like an inconsiderate immature idiot. You deserve better.