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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that my boyfriend is being really muggy?

290 replies

DeepDishCookie78 · 22/09/2023 10:23

I have been with my boyfriend about a year now. We live about 1 hour 45 minutes away from each other. I have one child and he has none. I have my own home whereas he has had to move back home for a while because his ex got him into some financial difficulties (he is 28 years old and I am 27).

He had booked a surprise weekend for us that was meant to be today until Sunday. It was obviously a surprise when he booked it but he had to give me a few weeks notice to arrange the childcare and for the pets to be looked after.

He has had a really stressful last couple of weeks so said that he wanted to go alone. I was disappointed as it had been booked weeks in advance, I had gone to the trouble to arrange the childcare and for the animals and we don’t get to see each other on our own for quality time very much.

Fast forward to today and he is now taking his dad with him (the trip is to watch a sports game as I have wanted to watch one live for ages). He is definitely going with his dad as I could hear them speaking in the background when he rang.

AIBU to feel really pissed off and mugged off about this? He knows that I still have the childcare and everything arranged (my child still wanted to go and stay with relatives so I kept the plan the same for that) and instead of taking the opportunity to spend quality time with me, he has now suddenly decided that he doesn’t want to go alone but has chosen his dad instead?

OP posts:
LilyTheSavage · 22/09/2023 16:22

He should be an ex-BF by now. You deserve better.

Yalta · 22/09/2023 16:23

You are worth more than this

If he did it to you at the beginning of this relationship, then that was testing how far he could go

Now he feels more comfortable he is testing you again.

Who needs this shit.

If he feels testing you is appropriate behaviour then throw him back out there and teach him it is not.

bowlingalleyblues · 22/09/2023 16:31

I wouldn’t do what he’s done to you to a single one of my friends.

PhantomUnicorn · 22/09/2023 16:34

he'd be my ExBF unless he did some very fast talking at this point.

I'm a single mum, my BF lives a good 2.3hrs away, so any time we get has to be pre-arranged, if he mugged me off, then took someone else on our planned weekend, i'd be well pissed off and you should be too.

Ask him WTF he is playing at.

belgiumchocolates · 22/09/2023 16:37

he has also helped me a lot with my anxiety and encouraged me to go out and do things by myself and I’ve made such a lot of progress

Leave the relationship now with this under your belt. Uninviting you is rude and humiliating. There are also other red flags re his finances, the ex, and living with his parents.

Hold your head up high and move on.

Good luck OP

Nonplusultra · 22/09/2023 16:45

DeepDishCookie78 · 22/09/2023 11:10

@Needmorelego he used to do it a lot in the beginning (first 3-4 months), always cancelling plans to spend time with friends and family instead, then he got better and now it looks like it’s going back to how it used to be again 🤷‍♀️

Why did you accept this? I don’t mean this unkindly but you absolutely are worth far more than this.

The best way to find a great partner is to eliminate the disappointing ones out of your life as quickly as possible

junbean · 22/09/2023 16:49

DeepDishCookie78 · 22/09/2023 11:46

I think a lot of people have just echoed exactly what I’ve been thinking but I’m just so scared of not having him in my life anymore. I had such bad anxiety before I met him and on the one hand, he has let me down A LOT even when he knows how upset it makes me but he has also helped me a lot with my anxiety and encouraged me to go out and do things by myself and I’ve made such a lot of progress, I think I’m just scared I’m going to go back downhill without him having some sort of presence in my life if that makes sense?!

This is what therapists are for!

LightSpeeds · 22/09/2023 16:50

Dump him.

He doesn't sound reliable, trustworthy or like HE GIVES A SHIT about disappointing you!

Snds43 · 22/09/2023 17:16

Red flags all over.
Besides You've made the progress with your social anxiety that you talk about. Not him. He might have encouraged you, but you've done the work. You can keep on doing it without him.

amispeakingintongues · 22/09/2023 17:23

He sounds like a prat OP. You deserve better

samestyle · 22/09/2023 17:31

It's a dumpable offence, and quite cruel to let you arrange time off, childcare etc just let you down for a silly reason that he wants to go alone, sounds spoilt and selfish, obviously doesn't want your company so why stay with him.

Lolasgame · 22/09/2023 18:06

@SomeCatFromJapan

Are you a man ? The thing is straight women usually have experience with being on the shitty end of the stick with these types of men. If it walks like a duck and all that.

GodDammitCecil · 22/09/2023 18:18

mayorofcasterbridge · 22/09/2023 13:11

If it were me, I wouldn't require any contraception.

He wouldn't get a second chance to diss me again.

He lives with his bloody father - why does he need to go away with him?

He's up to no good. Dump him.

Show quote history

I could not agree more.

It’s just that these threads are always depressingly predictable. Young women with babies, and now onto another feckless loser not worthy of her time. It clearly needs to be spelt out: water-right contraception- so that life is not made even harder.

Lolasgame · 22/09/2023 18:32

@DeepDishCookie78

You mentioned your boyfriend wasn’t very respectful towards you in the beginning. I know it sounds crazy but did you have any proof he booked the weekend away, some men think it’s funny to build a woman up, then pull the rug. It gives them a sense of power and control over you. As you mentioned you suffer with anxiety he’s picked up you have low self esteem, and thinks he can play you about as you’re vulnerable. Is there any way you could track his ex down and get some truths out of her ? Failing that he’s sending you a very clear message without voicing it, pay attention. You don’t want to wake up at 40 ( comes sooner than you think) and realise you’ve wasted your best years on half arsed relationships/men.

heartofglass23 · 22/09/2023 18:34

He's telling you he doesnt want to be with you. Hear him.

SomeCatFromJapan · 22/09/2023 18:37

Are you a man ? The thing is straight women usually have experience with being on the shitty end of the stick with these types of men. If it walks like a duck and all that.

Ha ha I am not. I've met those men and put up with their crap as a younger woman, I certainly wouldn't now and would advise no other woman to.

CherryMaDeara · 22/09/2023 18:39

MrsSkylerWhite · 22/09/2023 10:25

It’s not ideal but I wonder whether his dad pressured him and he felt obliged because he’s living in their house.
Just ask him why.

He didn't need to tell his dad at all.

He clearly resents spending money on OP.

whatamess100 · 22/09/2023 18:49

I'd be livid!!! He wants to dump you but is too weak so hes hoping you do the dumping!

Clymene · 22/09/2023 19:07

He's treated you like shit since the beginning. And now he's really trying to end it but he's too lazy and weak to do it.

Just block him. He deserves nothing more.

Nagado · 22/09/2023 19:25

DeepDishCookie78 · 22/09/2023 11:46

I think a lot of people have just echoed exactly what I’ve been thinking but I’m just so scared of not having him in my life anymore. I had such bad anxiety before I met him and on the one hand, he has let me down A LOT even when he knows how upset it makes me but he has also helped me a lot with my anxiety and encouraged me to go out and do things by myself and I’ve made such a lot of progress, I think I’m just scared I’m going to go back downhill without him having some sort of presence in my life if that makes sense?!

He’s had a stressful time so his first thought is to cancel the time he was planning on spending with you, rather than using time with you to relax and de stress?

What do you think this sort of behaviour is doing to your self esteem?

Original poster
DeepDishCookie78 · 22/09/2023 23:21

Well he ended up randomly blocking me anyway 🤷‍♀️😂 so I sent him one last text on my other phone telling him what a twat he was and that he was never welcome back in my life and that I’m definitely due an upgrade - definitely won’t lower my standards like that for a person again!

Thank you all for your lovely replies and responses 💐

It’s going to be hard adjusting to life without him for a while but it’s probably a lot easier in the long run than being upset every single weekend when he never wants to do anything with me and every single child free night I have i’m sat by myself! X

OP posts:
Lolasgame · 22/09/2023 23:24

💪🏻💐

AutumnFroglets · 22/09/2023 23:26

Well he ended up randomly blocking me anyway
Oh crikey OP. Sorry you found out the hard way that this guy was a grade A loser. Onwards and upwards. What are you plans now you are free of him, children and pets?

Catsafterme · 22/09/2023 23:32

Honestly, what is wrong with people...what was that all about?!

Sorry it didn't go well but least you can move forward now instead of wasting more time on him. There will be someone better out there I'm sure.

JFDIYOLO · 23/09/2023 00:01

Free!

Now time to care for yourself, build confidence and wellbeing

Then start thinking about maybe meeting a decent bloke nearby who wants to be with you

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