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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To call my neighbour selfish

457 replies

Fedupandgrumpy1 · 21/09/2023 19:36

We live in a quiet street with about 10 houses in. I have mobility issues and also struggle with my MH. It's important for me to have as much sleep as possible so I tend to go to bed at 10.30pm and don't get up until about 11am.

Very recently a family moved in next door. They have 3 children who are lovely and not a problem. But their mother annoys me and I feel she is being selfish. She works strange hours and most days leaves the house to go to work at 4.30am. She drives an old car and the doors creaks when she opens it. She then normally sits in the car with it running for 5 mins before driving off. The father is fine.

I have spoken to her and told her about my health issues and have asked her to consider changing her working hours, replace her car or to park her car in a road away from the house. She said she was sorry that she disturbs me but she cannot change her working hours due to the nature of her job. She said they can't afford to replace the car and as its an old car she has to warm it up before going anywhere. She admits the door creaks and said that oiling is didn't help. She is not willing to park away from home and she doesn't think its safe to walk on her own early in the morning with no streetlights.

She is making me more poorly. I am now having to sleep a bit in the afternoon due go being disturbed and as a result am missing out on me time.

What can I do about it? I'm fed up of her selfish behaviour.

OP posts:
Throwncrumbs · 21/09/2023 20:47

BrontëParsonage · 21/09/2023 20:31

This is surely not a real thread? But as the parent of a teenager who is registered blind, among other disabilities, I am getting heartily sick of threads on MN that seem calculated to undermine the credibility and societal acceptance and tolerance of disabled people. Disabled people are among the most vulnerable in the country but the narrative on MN would have them as freeloading (PIP & DLA), highly advantaged (BlueBadge), depriving able-bodied parents of parking spaces in supermarkets and just generally being in the way of the alpha and able-bodied more important members of society.

I’m disabled, I wouldn’t ask my neighbour to change her job to fit in with my sleep pattern. I’ve worked night shift for near on 30 years prior to becoming ill, I still didn’t ask my neighbour to change her job to fit in with my sleep pattern. This person may be ill and disabled, no one has to change their life for her!

Chickpea17 · 21/09/2023 20:47

This cannot be real

CostelloJones · 21/09/2023 20:47

12 hours of sleep, “me time” and an afternoon nap sounds like my idea of a holiday right now 😂😂 I haven’t had a full night sleep in six effing years

HeffyAgain · 21/09/2023 20:49

I think the OP has gone for a nap....

MrsApplepants · 21/09/2023 20:49

I have to leave for work at this time. I’m as quiet as a mouse but if a neighbour told me to change my working hours (don’t want to) or spend my hard earned cash on a new car (don’t want to) they’d be told to firmly fuck off.

Completleybonkers · 21/09/2023 20:50

Start liking ear plugs, listening to a boring podcast, sleep in the back of your house, use white noise or change your sleep pattern (the amount of sleep you are getting is double the amount of most adults including your poor neighbour).

Apologise to your neighbour.

Of course you are being unreasonable.

bellsandwhistles333 · 21/09/2023 20:50

Move house and do your neighbours a favour!

Fedupandgrumpy1 · 21/09/2023 20:50

HeffyAgain · 21/09/2023 20:49

I think the OP has gone for a nap....

Edited

No I'm here. I'm just quietly reading the comments. I'm not sure what else to say.

OP posts:
Doggymummar · 21/09/2023 20:51

Don't be so ridiculous

AnonAnonandAriston · 21/09/2023 20:51

Seriously OP expecting a neighbour to change their job or car is beyond entitled, I'm sure she doesn't want to go to work at 4.30am and (unless she is playing loud music while she is in the car) it's just normal noise.

If you don't get up until 11am, surely even if she left at 8 you'd still get woken up?

Besides, even if she wakes you briefly you still have another 6 hours sleep to go so just get up at 11.15 instead of 11

ohdamnitjanet · 21/09/2023 20:51

HeffyAgain · 21/09/2023 20:49

I think the OP has gone for a nap....

Edited

😴 😆

Louise303 · 21/09/2023 20:52

If this is real I pity your poor neighbours.

Prinnny · 21/09/2023 20:52

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Mulhollandmagoo · 21/09/2023 20:53

Fedupandgrumpy1 · 21/09/2023 20:28

I'm sorry I'm just tired and struggling. I wasn't nasty to her. I just asked. I do appreciate that it can't be easy for her either.

I think you're still struggling to comprehend just how unreasonable you're being here OP, i can only imagine how exhausting it is to live with a disability, but asking someone to change their working hours, or buy a new car - which she 'can clearly afford as she has a job so she should have spare money' is really really wrong of you. Do you think she loves getting up at 4am to work?

What you need to do, is understand you can't control that situation, but you can control how you react to it, what can you do to stop this impacting you as much? I know you say you don't like ear plugs, but do some research and find some that work for you. Can you move bedrooms further away from the noise? Do you sleep with your window open? If so can you close it? Going straight to her and asking her to make huge life changes to accommodate 10 minutes of your life is ridiculous, and you must be able to see that?

And for the record, both me and my husband work, and we can't afford a new car! Life is tough financially for so many people at the minute.

Meeting · 21/09/2023 20:54

I'm at a loss for words with this one

Snittler · 21/09/2023 20:56

You could probably buy her a new car seeing as it’s for your benefit?

imnotsickbutimnotwell · 21/09/2023 20:56

There are lots of different types of ear plugs, foam ones, wax ones etc. I did not get on with them until I got some Loop earplugs that come with different size buds. They are fantastic but expensive. You can get similar style ones cheaper though from places like Temu. I wear mine every night.

TempyBrennan · 21/09/2023 20:57

‘She works so should have spare money’

hahahahahah Jesus fucking Christ have you heard yourself? I’m gobsmacked that the audacity found you and let itself be shown to your poor neighbour.

Mumof3girlsandaboy · 21/09/2023 20:57

My neighbour goes to work at 4:30am and also has the old car that is noisy but I wouldn’t ask her to change her job or car. You are very entitled OP

EasterIssland · 21/09/2023 20:58

Can’t you change rooms so that your room is not by the car ?

PurpleBugz · 21/09/2023 20:58

You need earplugs/background noise in your own home like an audiobook or music so you don't hear her leave. Change your bedroom so you are further away?

Honestly it's ridiculous to expect her to change her work/car for you. It's very entitled and selfish of you.

No you didn't choose your health but you are choosing to be incredibly selfish.

I actually think you need to speak to your mental health team/support and explain what you have hear and ask them to help you manage these emotions because your reaction is very extreme and you need help.

VeronicaSawyer89 · 21/09/2023 20:59

Blimey, I didn't think people this entitled and selfish existed! I'm sorry you're struggling OP, but I highly doubt she drives an old car or starts work at 4 a.m. because she wants to! You need to step out of your bubble. Other people have lives that don't revolve around you and your needs. YAB terribly U!

fortnumsfinest · 21/09/2023 21:00

I honestly expected the op's update to be that this is a reverse.
You can't possibly have asked your neighbour to firstly change her working hours, then change her car, then walk a distance to get to the car that you want her to park somewhere else.
Can you really not see how bed these requests are?

choccytime · 21/09/2023 21:00

I am absolutely appalled by this you are one CF

ChesterAndRaoul · 21/09/2023 21:01

CostelloJones · 21/09/2023 20:43

@ChesterAndRaoul ”loves sunrises and creaky old puntos” has really got me 😂

I'm in hysterics about every single response on this thread, it's the little things 😂