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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To call my neighbour selfish

457 replies

Fedupandgrumpy1 · 21/09/2023 19:36

We live in a quiet street with about 10 houses in. I have mobility issues and also struggle with my MH. It's important for me to have as much sleep as possible so I tend to go to bed at 10.30pm and don't get up until about 11am.

Very recently a family moved in next door. They have 3 children who are lovely and not a problem. But their mother annoys me and I feel she is being selfish. She works strange hours and most days leaves the house to go to work at 4.30am. She drives an old car and the doors creaks when she opens it. She then normally sits in the car with it running for 5 mins before driving off. The father is fine.

I have spoken to her and told her about my health issues and have asked her to consider changing her working hours, replace her car or to park her car in a road away from the house. She said she was sorry that she disturbs me but she cannot change her working hours due to the nature of her job. She said they can't afford to replace the car and as its an old car she has to warm it up before going anywhere. She admits the door creaks and said that oiling is didn't help. She is not willing to park away from home and she doesn't think its safe to walk on her own early in the morning with no streetlights.

She is making me more poorly. I am now having to sleep a bit in the afternoon due go being disturbed and as a result am missing out on me time.

What can I do about it? I'm fed up of her selfish behaviour.

OP posts:
GreyRockChick · 21/09/2023 20:36

Get a grip. The world doesn't revolve around you. This is absolute peak CF.

She has a choice about her job? Ok then. You also have a choice about where you live so if it bothers you so much, move. You could put your PIP money towards your moving costs. I'm sure your neighbour would be glad to see the back of you, i certainly would if I was her.

Unbelievable.

ChesterAndRaoul · 21/09/2023 20:36

She has plenty of spare money, she just really LOVES sunrises and creaky old Puntos 🙄

Noopnoop · 21/09/2023 20:36

I hope to God this is a reverse or a ridiculous wind-up.

If it isn't, OP you need to stop being so selfish. It's people like you with your entitlement that give disabled people a bad name. I can pretty much guarantee you that this family are struggling and the mother does not want to leave the house at 4.30am.

Horrendous attitude. Get ear plugs, learn empathy, do better.

Elliania · 21/09/2023 20:38

I wonder if this is the same OP who was angry because she wasn't told that another person in her block of flats had a dog. Apparently OP was highly allergic and wanted the dog owner to hoover the communal areas daily.

RobertaFirmino · 21/09/2023 20:38

As if someone who has to leave the house for work at 4:30 am and cannot afford to get their car fixed has spare money! Seriously, what planet are you fucking on?

BitOutOfPractice · 21/09/2023 20:38

ChesterAndRaoul · 21/09/2023 20:36

She has plenty of spare money, she just really LOVES sunrises and creaky old Puntos 🙄

Yeah, selfish cow! Living the high life with her old banger and 2am Alarm calls so she go off gallivanting to her glamour job to earn her millions.

CostelloJones · 21/09/2023 20:39

Also OP, I advise you don’t follow the advise of PP suggesting you move to the countryside where it’s quieter because

A - us country bumpkins would not be so polite at your ridiculous request and

B - if a creaking door wakes you up, you would have beef with every fox, owl and farmer within a three mile radius.

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 21/09/2023 20:40

You have no empathy, and absolutely NO sense of irony. If you are sleeping for 12.5 hours a day already and then finding time to sleep in the afternoon, I'd surmise that you have no job, either... Get over yourself.

ohdamnitjanet · 21/09/2023 20:40

SkinnyMalinkyLankyLegs · 21/09/2023 20:15

Oh stop. The woman is having to go to work in the middle of the night to work her arse off to pay a good proportion of her wages in tax to pay your benefits. You should be grateful to her.

Oh excellent point!

therealcookiemonster · 21/09/2023 20:40

I agree with PPs that called reverse

but just in case this is real OP - please get a grip. her going to work is affecting your 'me' time? really?

here's a thought, how about you buy ear plugs? also have you thought about the fact that 12.5 hrs of sleep/being in bed might be affecting your physical and mental health?

Est1990 · 21/09/2023 20:40

You should probably delete this thread

2jacqi · 21/09/2023 20:40

all rather entitled of you!!! It doesn't look like you go to work if you go to bed at 10.30pm and dont get up till 11am!! 11.5 hours in bed!!!!!!! I would, quite frankly, tell you to fuck off!!! At least she is going to work and jobs are not that easy to come by! Here is a suggestion, just you move house!!!

Cappucino23 · 21/09/2023 20:42

How the fucking hell is this making you ill?? You are having 12 hours sleep!!!!!!!!

momtoboys · 21/09/2023 20:42

This has to be a wind up, right? You asked the neighbor to change her hours at work so you can sleep?? 😂

Lorieandrews · 21/09/2023 20:43

Fedupandgrumpy1 · 21/09/2023 20:13

I don't have the money to buy her a new car. Mine is on the mobility scheme so I don't even have my own car but appreciate that the scheme helps me. I do know that I wouldn't be able to afford a car myself so I know its not easy, but she does work so should have some spare money.

Give her your motility car then. Buy her a new car? Buy yourself a new house?

if you can’t do none of that…….then why the fuck do you think she can do it?

I’ve never encountered such a person. Ear plugs?!!!!!!!!!! Use em regardless of the fact you hate them oh I know

go to bed at 4pm and get up at 4.30am?!?! That sorts it out for ya! Perfect

namechangnancy · 21/09/2023 20:43

Op I don't mean this unkindly but your post comes across completely tone deaf.

I'm assuming you have neighbours because you can't pay for a house that is completely detached from neighbours.

Therefore your neighbours going about their daily business is just what them trying to survive. Just like you.

If you bristle at the thought that someone suggesting to move to a place with no neighbours, imagine what it was like for her you suggesting she parks are car away from her house so she has to walk in the dark unlit area, buy a new car and change her job ?!?
What accommodations are you making ro solve the issue ? (Rather than placing your issue on her)

Because she's interrupting her your sleep time at 11am in the morning.

I would have more empathy for you if she was having a rave at 2am in the morning for hours. Not a tired stressed out mum working unsocialable hours with a shitty car with, no money to replace said shitty car and then enter you a shitty neighbour making her feel guilty trying to survive.

Remember when she wakes you up, you have the option to sleep. She does not.

Don't be that person.

CostelloJones · 21/09/2023 20:43

@ChesterAndRaoul ”loves sunrises and creaky old puntos” has really got me 😂

Namerequired · 21/09/2023 20:44

Well that’s an obvious reverse lol

momtoboys · 21/09/2023 20:44

This is one of those threads that a year from now we will be saying "remember the poster who..."

Hankunamatata · 21/09/2023 20:44

Sleepphones and close your window

namechangnancy · 21/09/2023 20:45

momtoboys · 21/09/2023 20:44

This is one of those threads that a year from now we will be saying "remember the poster who..."

Isn't it 😂😂😂 I'm so bloody floored tbh

Toddlerteaplease · 21/09/2023 20:45

ChesterAndRaoul · 21/09/2023 19:44

Do you think she WANTS to leave the house at 4:30am?
That she WANTS to drive an old car that needs warming up and that creaks when she opens the door?

If she had a choice do you not think she'd have changed her working hours already?

You're delusional, you really are. Get some earplugs.

This. I'm sure she can only dream of getting 12 hours sleep
At night and being able to have 'me time and an afternoon nap'

HeatherMoores · 21/09/2023 20:45

AI

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 21/09/2023 20:46

OP, giving you the benefit of the doubt, I think that your poor health has made become unduly focussed on your own needs without seeing the bigger picture. Your neighbour is not doing anything wrong at all. She is working hard to support her family. Your suggested “solutions” were unkind and inappropriate. You need to find ways within yourself of coping with this situation (white noise, napping, maybe change bedrooms). Do not raise it with your neighbour again. I hope posting this thread has enabled you to see you are being unreasonable. I hope you manage to find some coping strategies.

DuvetCoverNightmare · 21/09/2023 20:46

So what working hours would suit you OP? She’s allowed to leave at 11am when you wake is she?