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Original poster

Friend has said she couldn’t be friends with me if I took the job

513 replies

lnterviewWoes · 21/09/2023 16:30

I’ve been offered a really fascinating job that would involve a lot of travel and meeting lots of interesting people.

It involves working for a former politician. Not directly but closely. I don’t support most of their views but the role is independent of their politics.

I have a small group of close friends. I told one friend and she’s said she couldn’t be friends with me if I took it, which has really dampened things. It also comes with a 20% wage increase. I want to take the role but I don’t want to lose one of my oldest friends. I’m really not sure what to do.

OP posts:
Zanatdy · 21/09/2023 17:01

She’s being ridiculous. Unless it is Nigel Farage! Haha. Even then I’d just hold my own personal view but I wouldn’t stop being friends with someone based on this.

Aprilrosesews · 21/09/2023 17:01

Take the job. It depends on the person but I also would view my friend differently if they worked for someone like Boris or Farage. I wouldn’t give them an ultimatum that I’ll stop being friends with them (because we’re all grown ups with autonomy over our lives) but the friendship would slowly dwindle away

CrazyHamsterLady · 21/09/2023 17:01

She’s not your friend and she doesn’t get to dictate your life. Do you think she’d turn down a job she wanted just because you said she had to? If you want the job and she ditches you then I don’t really think you’ve lost out on that much.

towriteyoumustlive · 21/09/2023 17:02

Your friend sounds jealous of your opportunity

RampantIvy · 21/09/2023 17:02

Your "friend" is being ridiculous. One of my friends is a Tory voter. I didn't unfriend her when she was open about her political beliefs. We just agreed to disagree and changed the subject because we are both adults.

Ididivfama · 21/09/2023 17:02

If you have anything else going in your friendship I think you just have to agree to disagree and not talk about it.

if I knew someone was working directly for someone like Andrew Tate or for a tobaccco company that deliberately gave it to children then I would be quite shocked and probably be less close to them, more because we wouldn’t have much in common anymore.

OuiRagamuffin · 21/09/2023 17:04

That would put me off her.

I'd think less of your friend for this ultimatum. Can she really only be friends with people who think exactly how she does?

ManchesterGirl2 · 21/09/2023 17:04

It's weird that she's saying this without being political (unless that politician was involved in a particular scandal that affects her).

It would affect my opinion of a friend if they decided to work for certain politicians (unless they had literally no other option). I probably wouldn't tell them, nor end the friendship, but it would show me that their views or priorities didn't match mine.

Angeldelightful · 21/09/2023 17:05

If she couldn't be bothered to vote at the referendum and last election then she has no right whatsoever over anything you do - I'd find it hard to stay friends with someone who hadn't voted. Tell her this if you want to tell her anything, either way take the job.

Appleass · 21/09/2023 17:05

did you say FRIEND ! I dont think so, take the job !!

WhatWhereWho · 21/09/2023 17:06

Can understand you wanting to take a job that improves your circumstances, but depending upon the politician I can understand a friend being unable to reconcile them to it. Depends who it is.

theduchessofspork · 21/09/2023 17:06

You have to back yourself - take the job.

They’ll get over it, and if they don’t - they aren’t worth your friendship

it sounds quite fancy and they are probably partly jealous

cstaff · 21/09/2023 17:07

My very first job out of college was for a politician in Dublin. My dad actually canvassed for another politican from a completely different party. It became a standing joke in our house i.e. you wont believe who [cstaff] is working for.

At the time there was a major shortage of jobs in Dublin / recession going on - so he was just glad that I had a job. People are crazy. Ignore and good luck with your new job.

OuiRagamuffin · 21/09/2023 17:07

Saying ''morals matter'' is ridiculous. I'm friends with some people who are pro-life, and voted pro-life in the referendum. ie, they sought to make women's lives more difficult in my opinion even though I'm pro-choice i understand that ''morals'' is extremely subjective and appointing yourself the arbiter of what IS moral and what is not moral is worse than whatever view you hold!

theduchessofspork · 21/09/2023 17:07

lnterviewWoes · 21/09/2023 16:51

The thing I find especially odd is that she’s never been particularly political before. She didn’t vote in the Brexit referendum or the 2017 general election. I’m not sure about 2019. This has just thrown me completely.

Well that just supports the idea it’s more about fancy job jealously.

You crack on

Oliotya · 21/09/2023 17:08

If it were for example Nigel Farage, I consider his beliefs a personal attack on me and my family. So if a friend of mine wanted to work for him, I would question whether they were really my friend at all. But equally I might be more understanding if you were say his personal chef, rather than his publicist.

AbbeyGailsParty · 21/09/2023 17:08

That’s a very conditional friend. I could understand a friend saying I couldn’t work for xxx but they’re not doing to job.

Wanttobekind · 21/09/2023 17:08

Sorry, there’s some ex politicians who are so despicable that I wouldn’t be able to separate that from whatever they are doing now. Farage, Johnson etc. I wouldn’t have any respect for someone who would take a job with them, and while I wouldn’t put it so bluntly as your friend, I would view it as us having such inherently different standards that I would strategically allow the friendship to drift.

StaunchMomma · 21/09/2023 17:09

It's all about circumstances, I guess.

If you need that 20% wage increase then you go for it, even if it means looking at Farage's evil frog face every day!

Your 'friend' is a knob.

declutteringmymind · 21/09/2023 17:09

Tell her it's a shame.

FloatyBoaty · 21/09/2023 17:09

If it’s someone whose “politics” are more accurately described as “racism” like … I dunno… Nick Griffin, then yeah, I can sort of understand it!

But assuming it isn’t someone with extremist beliefs, then it’s a batshit response and I’d be ending the friendship, not dropping the job offer.

For context, quite a few of my friends have worked for people / organizations that have evoked strong opinions in the general public- and whose work is sometimes really counter to my personal political and ethical beliefs. It doesn’t stop me being their friend! We just agree to disagree. (And avoid hot button issues after the wine has been out 😅)

OuiRagamuffin · 21/09/2023 17:09

NoMor · 21/09/2023 16:56

Go for it. Someone's got to deliver all those antibiotics to Boris's mistresses or we'll never wipe out syphilis.

ha ha that's hilarious, I'd apply for that but I'm looking for a part time job.

Oliotya · 21/09/2023 17:10

OuiRagamuffin · 21/09/2023 17:07

Saying ''morals matter'' is ridiculous. I'm friends with some people who are pro-life, and voted pro-life in the referendum. ie, they sought to make women's lives more difficult in my opinion even though I'm pro-choice i understand that ''morals'' is extremely subjective and appointing yourself the arbiter of what IS moral and what is not moral is worse than whatever view you hold!

But would you still be friends with them if they stood heckling women outside Marie Stopes? There's having differing beliefs, and then there's what they do witht those beliefs.

readbooksdrinktea · 21/09/2023 17:11

It depends who it is.

You're free to take the job. She obviously has no say in that. But she can decide if she wants to be friends going forward. That's definitely up to her and what aligns with her values.

StaunchMomma · 21/09/2023 17:11

Wanttobekind · 21/09/2023 17:08

Sorry, there’s some ex politicians who are so despicable that I wouldn’t be able to separate that from whatever they are doing now. Farage, Johnson etc. I wouldn’t have any respect for someone who would take a job with them, and while I wouldn’t put it so bluntly as your friend, I would view it as us having such inherently different standards that I would strategically allow the friendship to drift.

I hate them both with a passion and absolutely wouldn't want that job BUT if it meant keeping my house and feeding the family in these uncertain times then I probably would take it.

It's easy to say we'd stick to our morals but sometimes life has bigger priorities.

I'd defo gob in their tea tho 😂