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Original poster

Friend has said she couldn’t be friends with me if I took the job

513 replies

lnterviewWoes · 21/09/2023 16:30

I’ve been offered a really fascinating job that would involve a lot of travel and meeting lots of interesting people.

It involves working for a former politician. Not directly but closely. I don’t support most of their views but the role is independent of their politics.

I have a small group of close friends. I told one friend and she’s said she couldn’t be friends with me if I took it, which has really dampened things. It also comes with a 20% wage increase. I want to take the role but I don’t want to lose one of my oldest friends. I’m really not sure what to do.

OP posts:
Potiphar · 25/09/2023 22:05

The main reason I didn’t vote in the referendum was I thought a strong result for Remain would be a feather in Osbourne and Cameron’s caps, and we’d be stuck with the cunts for the rest of eternity.
I thought (and still think) Remain fought a nasty, bullying, threatening campaign.

I’m not massively unhappy about Brexit to be honest.

Lolaandbehold · 25/09/2023 22:24

Going to hazard a guess that your friend leans politically left and this role is for a conservative politician. It would be rare than someone with conservative leanings would threaten you in this way. Cancel culture is however, alive and well amongst our more "liberal" chums, although many of them don't seem to get the irony.

Anyway, like the other 92%, ditch the friend, take the job.

OneTC · 25/09/2023 23:53

I would consider myself political but I didn't vote in the referendum. I have strong feelings on either outcome but both sides were a vote for a level of corruption I can't endorse

Original poster
lnterviewWoes · 26/09/2023 22:50

Hi all, a little update. I took the job and even managed to negotiate a higher salary and better hours. Unfortunately my friend is blanking me. Not answering the phone and leaving me on read with no reply. We were meant to have one of our regular catch ups this weekend but I don’t see that happening now.

Leaving a job and colleagues you love is difficult enough but we’ve been friends since we were about 13 so this has absolutely devastated me. I still think I have to do what is best for me and my family.

OP posts:
junbean · 26/09/2023 22:56

lnterviewWoes · 26/09/2023 22:50

Hi all, a little update. I took the job and even managed to negotiate a higher salary and better hours. Unfortunately my friend is blanking me. Not answering the phone and leaving me on read with no reply. We were meant to have one of our regular catch ups this weekend but I don’t see that happening now.

Leaving a job and colleagues you love is difficult enough but we’ve been friends since we were about 13 so this has absolutely devastated me. I still think I have to do what is best for me and my family.

Congratulations! You should celebrate this weekend! After reading your other comments it does sound like your friend has some deep personal issues and didn't want to be called out on her lies. It's really sad. Maybe after some time she'll realize she totally overreacted and will reconsider. Maybe give her some time then reach out. My experience with people like this is they will do anything to protect their image.

MsRosley · 26/09/2023 23:11

lnterviewWoes · 26/09/2023 22:50

Hi all, a little update. I took the job and even managed to negotiate a higher salary and better hours. Unfortunately my friend is blanking me. Not answering the phone and leaving me on read with no reply. We were meant to have one of our regular catch ups this weekend but I don’t see that happening now.

Leaving a job and colleagues you love is difficult enough but we’ve been friends since we were about 13 so this has absolutely devastated me. I still think I have to do what is best for me and my family.

I'm sorry, OP. It's really tough when you find out someone you've known and cared about for so long is a judgemental shithead. Enjoy your new job. Hope you make some lovely, more open-minded friends!

Fallingthroughclouds · 26/09/2023 23:13

lnterviewWoes · 26/09/2023 22:50

Hi all, a little update. I took the job and even managed to negotiate a higher salary and better hours. Unfortunately my friend is blanking me. Not answering the phone and leaving me on read with no reply. We were meant to have one of our regular catch ups this weekend but I don’t see that happening now.

Leaving a job and colleagues you love is difficult enough but we’ve been friends since we were about 13 so this has absolutely devastated me. I still think I have to do what is best for me and my family.

She is a dick, plain and simple.

ToWhitToWhoo · 26/09/2023 23:23

Unless it's someone like Nick Griffin, I think your friend is being totally OTT and U.

ToWhitToWhoo · 26/09/2023 23:23

Oh, and congrats on the job.

T1Dmama · 27/09/2023 08:19

lnterviewWoes · 26/09/2023 22:50

Hi all, a little update. I took the job and even managed to negotiate a higher salary and better hours. Unfortunately my friend is blanking me. Not answering the phone and leaving me on read with no reply. We were meant to have one of our regular catch ups this weekend but I don’t see that happening now.

Leaving a job and colleagues you love is difficult enough but we’ve been friends since we were about 13 so this has absolutely devastated me. I still think I have to do what is best for me and my family.

Congratulations on your decision. I hope you love your new career! It sounds like a promising future.

m As for your friend….. I think you need to leave her to it, stop contacting her now for a while, meet up with the rest of the friend group, tell them you don’t have to like your boss to do your work (in any job)….

Frankly I think your friend is being pathetic and you’re probably better off without her… but if you’re devastated then give her space and every now and then message simply asking if she fancies a catch up…. Say in a months time, then again after Christmas, Easter etc and if she is still ghosting you then move on and find better friends.

She sounds jealous!!!

Helpusg · 27/09/2023 08:26

Take the job, and realise that the friend isn’t much of a friend.

Bored1000 · 27/09/2023 09:33

good decision, congrats!

It is sad when you realise that certain ‘Friends’ weren’t really the friends that you thought there were at all, I wouldn’t be devastated by this and I wouldn’t chase after her or let her know that she has upset you because I have a feeling that’s what she wants, has she always tried to be manipulative and controlling of you.

ChristmasFluff · 27/09/2023 10:42

I'm going to go against the grain here and say I think your friend may turn out to be right.

I recently left a job working with a well-known influencer-type person. I didn't agree with some of her views, but I didn't think that would matter as in general I supported her 'mission'. In fact, the nightmare experience I had has re-inforced to me how the type of person who could hold those views is completely lacking in empathy and conscience.

Working with and for such a person was horrific. Even though I have left, I still feel her bad energy, and she's bad-mouthing me in the community (not that I care).

These people infiltrate you, and others via you. I avoid everyone to do with this influencer because of this - cutting those energetic ties is important to me.

So yeah, if a friend said she was going to work for her, and went ahead with it, I'd cut them off.

If this is somewhere near the reason for her decision, then I guarantee she'll be there to pick up the pieces when the honeymoon period and love-bombing is over - it happens in jobs, not just in relationships - and when you find out the downsides and the personal cost.

AtrociousCircumstance · 27/09/2023 10:59

This entire thread is pretty pointless if we don’t know how extreme the employer is politically.

Are they right or left leaning OP?

Angrycat2768 · 27/09/2023 13:09

ChristmasFluff · 27/09/2023 10:42

I'm going to go against the grain here and say I think your friend may turn out to be right.

I recently left a job working with a well-known influencer-type person. I didn't agree with some of her views, but I didn't think that would matter as in general I supported her 'mission'. In fact, the nightmare experience I had has re-inforced to me how the type of person who could hold those views is completely lacking in empathy and conscience.

Working with and for such a person was horrific. Even though I have left, I still feel her bad energy, and she's bad-mouthing me in the community (not that I care).

These people infiltrate you, and others via you. I avoid everyone to do with this influencer because of this - cutting those energetic ties is important to me.

So yeah, if a friend said she was going to work for her, and went ahead with it, I'd cut them off.

If this is somewhere near the reason for her decision, then I guarantee she'll be there to pick up the pieces when the honeymoon period and love-bombing is over - it happens in jobs, not just in relationships - and when you find out the downsides and the personal cost.

Was it Katie Hopkins?

WhatWhereWho · 27/09/2023 13:17

lnterviewWoes · 26/09/2023 22:50

Hi all, a little update. I took the job and even managed to negotiate a higher salary and better hours. Unfortunately my friend is blanking me. Not answering the phone and leaving me on read with no reply. We were meant to have one of our regular catch ups this weekend but I don’t see that happening now.

Leaving a job and colleagues you love is difficult enough but we’ve been friends since we were about 13 so this has absolutely devastated me. I still think I have to do what is best for me and my family.

It's really impossible to offer an opinion without knowing who the employer is.

boringusername31 · 28/09/2023 11:41

I just feel the point of this entire post is for the OP to assuage her guilt about taking this job, and have loads of posters say "Oh, your friend is just jealous, you're doing the right thing."

There's a difference between working for a politician whose views are different to yours but is still a fundamentally decent person and working for someone who is an abhorrent POS. I don't agree with much of Angela Merkel's policies, for example, but I fundamentally respect her as a human being. I also don't agree with Donald Trump, but he's a trashbag of a human being - a racist, rapist fraudster. I would totally support a friend working with the former but I probably would cut off someone who chose to work with the latter.

You are also coy about what the work would entail - you say that you wouldn't be working directly with them, but I get the feeling you're being a bit disingenuous here: my instinct says that you're working in their team and supporting their political agenda and goals and helping them influence policy. Again - and I'll use a murkier and less black and white example here - there's a huge difference between taking a job as a data analyst for the Tony Blair Foundation and being a press secretary for Vladimir Putin.

My question for you is who are supporting with your work and whose agenda are you advancing that your one of your oldest friends feels they don't want contact with you anymore? That's a pretty big conviction. I don't think it's about a disagreement on tax policy, is it?

Reading between the lines of your post, I think you know what you are doing is morally wrong, and there is a specific - and very personal - reason why your friend has reacted like this. I hope it's worth the 20% payrise: good to know what price your principles are, at least ...

AtrociousCircumstance · 28/09/2023 11:59

Exactly. If OP is working happily for a racist/misogynist pos then her dear friend of thirteen years is the one who deserves our sympathy.

Tellingly you haven’t enlightened us @lnterviewWoes

Bored1000 · 28/09/2023 12:10

I’m sure OP has weighed everything up and has made the right decision.

OP, don’t fee under any obligation to divulge any further information about the position, I think there are just a bunch of nosey commenters commenting at the his stage trying to guilt you into revealing who your employer is.

AtrociousCircumstance · 28/09/2023 12:25

No it’s not that - I don’t care about knowing names. I think it’s central to this issue. It would be useful to know how extreme the politics are, the name isn’t required.

Bored1000 · 28/09/2023 12:30

OP has weighed it up and made her decision so it Dosen’t really matter

AtrociousCircumstance · 28/09/2023 13:04

It doesn’t matter to her, sure, but it precludes the rest of us from actually being equipped to assess whether or not she’s BU.

Emilia35 · 28/09/2023 20:41

I think it's pretty telling that OP's friend isn't actually political to the extent she didn't even vote in the last election, and that OP has said nothing at all about who the politician is/their values.

I'm guessing it must be someone absolutely awful for a non-political person to cut ties with you, OP. And therefore I agree with your friend. I couldn't be friends with someone who feels it's okay to work for a racist/homophobe/whatever the person you work for is. Maybe you need to think about the kind of person you are.

ToWhitToWhoo · 28/09/2023 21:20

Occurred to me that you might be Boris and Carrie Johnson's new nanny! I wouldn't dump you as a friend for that, though I'd warn you that it probably wasn't the most secure or comfortable job!

Otherwise- it does depend on who it is, I suppose. Cameron or Osborne- I wouldn't madly approve, but I wouldn't dump you. Nick Griffin, I would.

Lastchancechica · 29/09/2023 10:04

lnterviewWoes · 26/09/2023 22:50

Hi all, a little update. I took the job and even managed to negotiate a higher salary and better hours. Unfortunately my friend is blanking me. Not answering the phone and leaving me on read with no reply. We were meant to have one of our regular catch ups this weekend but I don’t see that happening now.

Leaving a job and colleagues you love is difficult enough but we’ve been friends since we were about 13 so this has absolutely devastated me. I still think I have to do what is best for me and my family.

She is no friend op, and no loss.
What childish and petty behaviour.
Move on, find some friends that are not so conditional and narrow minded.

Real friends would never judge like this, it’s a ‘her’ issue so to speak. Good luck with your new job 💐