Friend has said she couldn’t be friends with me if I took the job

[lnterviewWoes]

I’ve been offered a really fascinating job that would involve a lot of travel and meeting lots of interesting people.

It involves working for a former politician. Not directly but closely. I don’t support most of their views but the role is independent of their politics.

I have a small group of close friends. I told one friend and she’s said she couldn’t be friends with me if I took it, which has really dampened things. It also comes with a 20% wage increase. I want to take the role but I don’t want to lose one of my oldest friends. I’m really not sure what to do.

At first sight, your friend seems unreasonable, but really I think I'd struggle to be friends with someone who willingly works for someone despicable.

People are absolutely mad these days

Take the job, your friend is batshit crazy

You can't let your friends control your life, including what jobs you take. But equally if you are working for someone that your friend finds offensive/upsetting, then you can't change how your friend feels about you working for that person.

I say take the job. You will find out quickly if the person is a decent enough person you are happy to work for, or some terrible sexist/racist/homophobic/anti-Semitic or whatever and you can't live with that. If the former, you'll have made the right choice. If the latter, have the good grave to go back to your friend and say "you were right, I was naive and wrong".

Take the job and lose the friend.
It's your life, not hers so you do what's best for you, no one else.
A true friend would cheer you on, not hold you back.

Of course it's up to you to make your decision and you can take any job you want.
If you were my friend it would depend who the person was. If it was someone who had views that I would find completely unacceptable /immoral then I probably would cool the friendship because even though its not a political appointment you would be supporting them in some way and I would find that difficult.
If it was just someone from a different political party to the one I support it wouldn't make any difference.

The thing I find especially odd is that she’s never been particularly political before. She didn’t vote in the Brexit referendum or the 2017 general election. I’m not sure about 2019. This has just thrown me completely.

You need to compromise. Stay in the job you have and ask her to a set up a standing order to yourself for 20% increase.

I couldnt care less what or who my friends worked for. Your friend is out of order.

Glad you are taking the job!!

@FattyFingers "Your friend's morals are way beyond what I could cope with in a friend."

I know-it was a real struggle. And to be honest, I don't think we ever really recovered. She left eventually....and moved to Diageo. Frying pans and fires come to mind.....

I've had years of this from people who have told me I was a sellout for working in the corporate sector. Invariably people with trust funds or supported by Bank of Mum and Dad or Bank of Husband who had money to waft about doing "conscious" jobs with nice ethical credentials while they look down on folk who have to earn their own living.

My contempt for such people is bottomless. Try supporting a family single handed before you judge other people for working in any job, let alone one that's well paid and interesting.

Shes jealous

She really is a giant twat, who does she think she is, dictating where you work? I can see she has upset you and I have empathy, but I’d be very tempted to dump her first. She won’t be expecting that and serve her right. Enjoy your new position and extra money!

Go for it. Someone's got to deliver all those antibiotics to Boris's mistresses or we'll never wipe out syphilis.

This. If your friend would actually walk away from you because of this then they're not a friend worth having.

(Disclaimer: Unless it's someone really awful like Nigel Farage! 😅)

Take the job.

My first thoughts was Michael Portillo's railway journeys tv programme. Are you in charge of the official red trousers and cravat ?

I just echo what everyone else has said - make up your own mind and she can like it or lump it.

Of course it matters. Morals matter.

It depends what the role is and who the person you'll work with is. If it's a normal politician who believes in democracy then your friend is crazy. If it's someone from Britain First/BNP then (in my opinion) your friend would be right to not want to maintain a friendship with someone whose morals would allow them to work with/for someone so awful. I personally would draw the line at Nigel Farage - I'd judge you for working for him but would remain friends. Anyone worse and I just couldn't as it'd mean our morals are so different.

Your friend however might be quite immature for giving you an ultimatum. Whoever the politician is, your decision was already made/she cannot change the fact you don't think it is morally wrong.

Depends if it's for an openly racist / sexist / homophobic politician etc.

Is it working for Boris Johnson, Matt Hancock or Nigel Farage? I'd struggle to get on board with that if so, but I wouldn't end a friendship over it. However I wouldn't pretend I thought it was a great choice though.

Bye friend

I agree with this.

It's all well and good to say she shouldn't interfere, and in this case I probably agree (unless it's Nigel Farage, although tbh I'd be pretty uncomfortable with a friend working for any Tory politician), but she also has the choice to distance herself from people on moral grounds. Which is effectively what she's flagging she'll do. Maybe it's good she's being honest?

I've been thinking about this lately as a close friend has started working for a defence company that is developing battlefield AI. I don't know what to say to her and I haven't spoken up really, but I'm horrified there is apparently no line she won't cross if there's a massive salary at the end of it.

See, I’d struggle with that a bit because the organisation and role aren’t compatible with my moral compass and I’d worry about what that said about my friend and whether our values are compatible.

I’d assumed this was more like OP taking a generic job at Facebook and just happening to report to Nick Clegg (and apologies to the OP if it is actually that - just the first politician in a non-politics role that came to mind)

So she can't even be bothered to vote on major issues/elections and yet is judging your for taking a non-political role in and of itself?

Fuck her.