Friend has said she couldn’t be friends with me if I took the job

[lnterviewWoes]

I’ve been offered a really fascinating job that would involve a lot of travel and meeting lots of interesting people.

It involves working for a former politician. Not directly but closely. I don’t support most of their views but the role is independent of their politics.

I have a small group of close friends. I told one friend and she’s said she couldn’t be friends with me if I took it, which has really dampened things. It also comes with a 20% wage increase. I want to take the role but I don’t want to lose one of my oldest friends. I’m really not sure what to do.

There used to be a time when we all loved Russell Brand. What I’m trying to say is no one knows who anyone is, this politician might actually be ok! Take the job: the friend can do one.

She wants you to turn down a 20% increase and an interesting job opportunity on her say so? She's bloody weird. I'd tell her to go jump.

Nope. Sorry, for me, if my friend is taking that job, I trust her judgement.

Let's be honest, there are no truly EVIL ex politicians in this country.

There ARE politicians whose views and actions we vehemently abhor, but so what?? They are EX.

Not one of us can say we've never done any wrong, until we can, quit with the holier than thou moralistic shite.

If your work would be promoting or facilitating something she finds immoral or unacceptable, I can understand that. A vegan is hardly going to be best mates with a battery chicken farmer... some things are beyond the pale.

Or even worse, it may involve working for Liverpool when the so-called friend is an Everton friend, even further beyond the pale for many!

I didn't say I'd never done wrong.

Yes I think some current and ex politicians are evil.

I wouldn't go so far as to say I would cut ties with the friend, but it would make me think differently about them.

Going against the grain I think your principles absolutely matter in cases like this. What's the point in having them otherwise?

Obviously depends how much you disagree with this ex-politician's views. If you disagree with them but have never taken a strong moral stance against them, you're not exactly going against your principles if you take the job. But if, for example, you protested against the Iraq war and this is Tony Blair, or have been vocally anti-racist and this is Nigel Farage, you'd be a hypocrite and it's OK for your acquaintances to judge you accordingly.

As for your friend? Personally I wouldn't be friends with anyone who worked for Farage, and everyone of his ilk. As a woman of colour I cannot be OK with anyone who's OK to work for a racist. I wouldn't announce it dramatically though, I'd just distance myself from you.

The larger point is that who you choose to associate with reveals a lot about your character and it's useful information for those around you to decide how close they want to be with you.

Unless it's someone like Gerry Adams, it shouldn't matter. Take the job, friend can fuck herself. Fancy dictating someone's career choices. She can take her holier than thou morals and stick them up her arse.

Congratulations! Ditch the 'friend'.

It's about having an incompatible moral compass. It does depend who it is and what the job is. But we can't detach our morals from what we do and who we associate with. If that's a deal breaker for her friend, then that's up to OP to decide what means more to her - the job or the friend.
There's not really any such thing as an "ex politician". Supporting and promoting potentially extremist far right views, for example, could very much impact me. It's a privilege to not have to worry about these things.

@Fartooold "Nope. Sorry, for me, if my friend is taking that job, I trust her judgement."

I mentioned earlier a friend of mine who took a job for British American Tobacco looking for new markets among young people in the developing world. Would you have been OK with that?

No real friend would threaten you like that. She mean and jealous. Go for the job and drop her as a friend.

Take the job, unless it's for Boris. I hear he has a reputation for the ladies 😂

Congratulations on your new exciting job! Sorry your ex friend turned out to be such a jealous twat.

You take the job

I suspect if the OP is getting job offers frm prominent ex-politicians, she's not exactly battling to survive on the breadline.

If you don't think strong morals are important that's your prerogative. But you can't complain if someone chooses to distance themselves from you because of that. They're not being up themselves, holier-than-thou, whatever negative adjectives you choose to try to justify your choices... they just have principles that they abide by. A good thing imo.

TBI? You're in my world take the job and enjoy it! well done.

Was there any two-way discussion on this - her explaining why she sees the job as so problematic, your explaining the actual job duties and why you are considering taking it - whether that's because you desperately need the money, feel it positions you for your desired career, etc? (Just for example, let's say your secret life goal was to get Blair charged with war crimes - does it not seem likely that five years as an increasingly trusted insider at his organization would put you in a better position to do that than the same amount of time bagging groceries or doing 'OnlyFans"?)

If it's just the ultimatum, no openness to discussion, I would ignore it beyond whatever questions it may have raised for you to consider on your own. Unfortunately I also think that even if I decided not to take the job for completely unrelated reasons of my own, the fact that she did try to manipulate me without fully understanding my viewpoint would out a damper on the friendship.

I made the same assumption too.

Depends. If it was let's say Nigel Farage then my viewpoint would be the same as your friend's.

I would definitely cut someone off if they went to work for someone I thought was morally bankrupt or evil.

However, all my friends are fully aware of this. They know the field I work in, and how much my personal values align with that work, so it would come as no surprise to anyone.

What seems odd here is that OP appears to have had no idea her friend might find her new role offensive/despicable.

She can't be much of a friend then. That's ridiculous.

She's not a friend if she makes you choose!

Hmm well I didn't talk to my mum for several years when she stated posting stuff about Nigel Farage and it was nothing to with jealousy more I couldnt be associated with someone who supported him so I can see where she is coming from on this one.