To make my 5yo feed herself or go without.

[allcorners]

My dd is 5 in fact 6 next month and never eats her dinner on her own, she will sit there for an hour and barely touch it so I end up feeding it to her just to get it down her.
If I don't she will get down and leave her meals.

Last night I refused to help her saying I wasn't feeding her anymore and she had to eat it herself.
She went without and came down several times after bedtime saying she was hungry and I said thats because you haven't eaten your dinner, you're not having anything else.

Now I feel evil for letting her go hungry. Do I do the same this evening or should I feed her if it means she gets food in her?

I agree. I used to feed my two year olds sometimes, they’re now 3, 12, and 16, and they all eat perfectly fine. People want their children to grow up far too quickly, it’s sad. Some parents think it’s a competition to hit milestones 🙄

Could you try a reward chart, sometimes it’s better to use positive reinforcement

Also, are you providing foods that she likes? Children are just like adults, they don’t want to eat things they don’t like. And in my opinion they shouldn’t be forced to eat things they don’t like. For example choose a different healthy option that you know she does like

Surely most people realise there is no ‘normal’ and that all children are different?

Do you think schools with hundreds of children have time to pick arguments over No pudding if you don’t eat your dinner? That’s a rule for parents to teach at home

Unhelpful

ADHD

Invité à friend over, she won’t want to lol like a baby in front of them

You're not being unreasonable - you need to stop feeding at some point, so the sooner the better. The later you leave it, the worse it will be. If you have any distractions at the meal table (toys, iPad, TV etc), then remove them or leave them switched off. There may be tantrums and/or arguments but you need to get through these and not 'give in' to get some peace. Your DD is at an age when she should be able to feed herself, but likes to know that you are 'on hand' to cater to her every whim. You need to instill some independence in her. When you refuse to give her food later, having explained that she had a chance at meal time, it will give her time to think, Any unwanted behaviour is to be expected as it dawns on her that you really mean what you say. Sometimes, tough love is needed.

Id probably have given a sandwich or something before bed so she wasnt hungry. After all its a skill she needs to learn, that you have admitted you've given in and not encouraged her independence on, so its not entirely her fault.
Is the food youre offering easy for her to get onto a spoon/fork? Does she have any co-ordination issues at all? I had a friend growing up who had dyspraxia and she struggled with things like this, and later putting on pen lids etc

Just feed her! Don’t make it a battle. You won’t still be doing it when she’s 15 and you will then look back fondly to her baby days. They don’t actually last long!

She’s 6, hardly a baby anymore.

Is she autistic or havé sensory problems ? Mine at the age of 10 cannot feed himself without food, being cut or constantly having to remain focused.

I read something similar to this a while ago. It turned out that the child was doing it as they wanted their parents sole attention after being away from them most of the day and nothing to do with being
unable to eat. Worth a thought. I have a tricky eater so I get your dilemma

YANBU

My DS has phases like this; he is 6. I don't have issues feeding him if he asks as I feel it's them still trying to feel mummy is there for them rather than being stubborn-nasty-etc

I stopped feeding mine at around eighteen months or maybe even earlier. They've never been a big fan of cutlery so tended to eat everything with their hands. Even now, they're proficient in chopsticks but hate food that requires a knife and fork. Are they maybe just too tired? Do they have hyperflexibility issues in their wrists which means it's painful to use cutlery (which we found out was the reason for us)? Ask why she doesn't feed herself as a starting point. Maybe encourage her to eat without cutlery if she'll happily eat snacks. And cut back on snacks. If she's eating when she gets in from school and at break, she won't eat her lunch or dinner.

There is most definitely a normal and to suggest otherwise is unhelpful.

Of course there is a normal. There is also a wide range of behaviour but to suggest there is no normal is odd. Normal just means the norm, as in the
most typical or usual. I say this as a parent to a child who tells me being normal is boring and she has no intention of changing to fit in.

Are you actually feeding her things she likes? Or are you having to feed her it because she doesn't actually really want it? Not sure why she is sitting there for an hour...that's a long time.Sometimes just taking the pressure away works wonders.Or give her some foods she doesn't need cutlery for.I don't think she should be not allowed a bedtime snack if she hasn't eaten any food at all for tea, it's hard to sleep with an empty stomach.

It’s worrying, when a child won’t eat, but no child will starve itself when food is available. As long as the food is presented in a manageable form you should not be feeding your child. I doubt she is fed at school so she is capable of feeding herself. If she has not eaten her during your meal time, tell her you will leave her food on the table for a short time. Then tell her that when the hands of the clock reach a certain position (illustrate the time on a piece of paper) there will be no food until breakfast time. It won’t be long before she is happily eating with you all.

TheBarbieEffect is correct. Anything associating food with rewards/punishment/affection apart from nutrition just fosters unhealthy emotional attitudes towards treats later in life.
This has nothing to do with quoting from books or bankrolling authors who hold those beliefs, it is fundamental common sense.

Like I said, there is no ‘normal’ when it comes to children, every child is different, their needs are different. Society thinks there should be a ‘normal’ and everyone needs to follow it, but that’s not true. What works for one family won’t always work for another family. If someone wants to feed their child later than someone else they can, if they want to co sleep until their child is 5 they can. Just like other countries. You saying there is a ‘normal‘ is not helpful

Society seems to want people to think there is a normal, and if people don’t fall into that category they are odd. No two children are the same. It’s a socially constructed idea that people have to fit in boxes or they are different

Ridiculous to spoon feed a child of that age unless she has learning difficulties etc which you haven’t stated so assume it’s just plain laziness. Don’t do it. Absolutely no reason for her to not be able to do it herself.