Birthday coming up - already know I’ll be disappointed

[TastyCheeseYum]

My birthday is coming up and I already know DH will forget. I mentioned it’s not going to be a great day anyway as he’ll be at work all day then it’s football in the evening. He just said “oh, we can do something another time instead”. Tried to hide my disappointment but don’t think it worked.

Question is, AIBU to want to do something nice on the day when DH is home from work? I’ll be with DD all day while he’s at work (she’s 18mo so doesn’t get the concept of birthdays yet).

Guess I’m just getting fed up of being the lowest priority in the household even though I’m the one making all the decisions, keeping the house tidy, etc.

Sorry, rant over lol 🫠

@HobbyHorse30 I reckon people are just being pragmatic - I certainly was.
Having to insist in the couple of days remaining that your husband sorts out something fancy and changes his plans/assumptions is going to make it feel like an obligation, not a joy. There's a longer term convo on why it matters to be had though.

In our house it's a household policy of making a fuss of everyone's birthdays, too, because why not, life is short and you've got to have some enjoyment....

Oh dear! This is a bit of a red flag! He comes home and watches footie on the t.v. meanwhile you have to wait to have your birthday acknowledged. He could afford a cake ,card and a couple of hours away from his bloomin' football. Speak up!

It’s so, so unpleasant of him not to put the football on hold for your birthday. He is telling you very clearly that your birthday is not as important as his football.
To the people who say the birthday celebration can be moved, of course it can but that would be with agreement by both parties, not because one can’t be arsed and the other one is going to have to lump it.

I would look at this in the round. When you’re old and grey, will you look back with pride and happiness at the decades of joy you’ve had, or will you feel bitter about your years wasted with a lazy, inconsiderate arse.

Get a couple of girlfriends over and celebrate whilst he's at football and once your daughter is in bed. Make if clear to your husband that she's his responsibility when he gets in, so you can have some time to yourself. That would have been a great present to self when my kids were young! 😁

If you want something nice, organize it yourself.

Exactly! It’s still a bit sad and sorry to have a party for one or ‘arrange your own birthday’ while your beloved soul mate and father of your children sits on his arse enjoying his footy not giving a solitary shit about doing anything special or making any kind of effort.

The best birthday celebration you could have on your own is to make an appointment with a divorce lawyer and dump his useless arse.

If your husband won’t celebrate with you then sod him! Make plans, tell him you have plans and need him to have DD…problem solved :)

Ass hole move from him though it’s one day a year, I’d be fuming.

Do something with people who do care and don't bother with his birthday. Card and happy birthday dear.
Lots of people don't bother that much. Ones not right and ones not wrong. But make it work for u.
Don't be sad.

Maybe ask him if there is another day he can think of when he would like to come up with something to treat you too🤣 don't be disappointed if he doesn't come up with anything.
If he on the whole is a good husband, just accept it and reciprocate.
If he's generally totally selfish and unhelpful... hmmm

Mine is on Monday.

I’ve moved it to Saturday as Monday is my first day back at work after a period of illness, I’m still a bit poorly and it’s right before payday.

I’ve told DH to get me cards from him and DS and that is like a massage but to just make me a voucher with DS and I’ll book one after I get paid and I’ve booked for all of us to go out for a nice meal on Saturday.

so maybe move your birthday to the weekend and be really clear about how you would like to spend it or, arrange things yourself. No it’s not romantic and surprising etc but it means you won’t be disappointed and you’ll spend it as you wanted. If the surprise and romance elements really matter to you then you need to talk to your DH and explain this. Possibly using crayons and diagrams if he’s like a lot of men

happy birthday though

I’m so sorry you’re going through that OP. It’s horrible being the one who seems to be overlooked all the time. I would say definitely tell him and if he doesn’t want to change his plans then plan your own day out with friends
he is being unreasonable I would expect him to drop his plans for the one day of the year that is about you. It’s an annual thing he knew about it he should be planning ahead.
Xx

I think it’s more than reasonable to expect to do something another time. Part of adulthood is accepting things like this happen.

I use my birthday as an excuse for something like a takeaway.

He’s watching football on the TV. That’s the extent of his plans 🫤

This.
You let him think it's ok and simmer in silence.

Quite nice to plan your own treats, I shopped for my own birthday cake and bought myself some really nice flowers last time and treated myself to a few things. DH did get me something but it was nice to get exactly what I wanted.

celebrate a lot with yr kid, get a small cake, write mummy on it, make a fuss, buy yrself a present if no one else will, get yrself a present from yr DD. she will love it i promise u, and in turn u will be happy!

What surprises me from this thread is the number of women who say that OP should sort her own birthday out and not expect DH to change his plans. WTH?! Why are so many women happy to accept being the bottom of the list of priorities? I say this with love and understanding because I spent 20 years being the bottom of the pile and was a ‘good wife’ who didn’t complain and I’m now (nearly) divorced single mum. I have since meant a lovely man who treats me like I am worth something and prioritises me regularly and likewise I prioritise him. It’s opened my eyes to how poorly I was treated and how low my expectations were in my relationship. Why do so many of us do not think that we should be put first 1 day in the whole year?! We absolutely should and it shouldn’t be a chore! To not partake in your hobby for 1 day should not be a hardship. Please ask for and expect more because I promise you, being the meek and accepting wife will not guarantee safety and security. Sorry, rant over 😂

Organise something nice to do with a friend and leave DH with DD.

I do wonder which decade I've been transported back to when I read comments such as, "if he doesn't see your point of view on this one but is a good husband in other ways, let it go". If he doesn't acknowledge how big a deal this is to his wife when she explains how much not being put first for one day is upsetting her, it doesn't matter if he's a good husband in other ways because he clearly doesn't care about how she feels when it inconveniences him. If this isn't resolved then this will simmer. Talking to him, couples counselling if that still doesn't work and divorce if that doesn't are all better options than allowing herself to be treated like a doormat.

I’m sorry. That sounds really shoddy and to not want to prioritise his own wife on her bday, and instead watch football on tv, is really low. Hope you have a lovely day and plan something nice yourself. Give him a taste of his own medicine on his bday.

I'm sorry that is the way you are being treated. My birthday is also coming up - it is the last of the family birthdays all Libran - my ex husband could never see what the big deal was despite the fact I made a fuss of evreryone else's birthdays mine apparently didn't matter.
Regardless of what I have taught my kids they unfortunatelyhave picked up their fathers attitude to birthdays and last year I did absolutely nothing.
Good luck

No see, if I ruled the world, everyone would get the day off work on their birthday, because it should be special.

When I was lonesome I used to treat myself, I'm usually disappointed by whatever the DH manages to rustle up, but he does at least try.

I don't believe you should actually have to ask your SO, they should ask you, it should be in the wedding vow, honour, obey and organise great birthdays......

Why? Because you say so? I detest people who think their way of doing things is the only way. There are loads of mundane days, if someone wants a limousine and flying unicorns on their fecking birthday then good luck to them

Birthdays are for children OP. Grow up. Or to borrow MN phraseology: stop being a womanchild.

No, you grow up Sayitaintso. You're picking on the OP when you should be calling out her crappy husband.

I have genuinely never heard the idea that "birthdays are for children" before reading this thread. It is deeply peculiar and incredibly sad that people wouldn't expect to have a special day just once a f*cking year. What other things that make life enjoyable should adults also supposedly not enjoy?