Birthday coming up - already know I’ll be disappointed

[TastyCheeseYum]

My birthday is coming up and I already know DH will forget. I mentioned it’s not going to be a great day anyway as he’ll be at work all day then it’s football in the evening. He just said “oh, we can do something another time instead”. Tried to hide my disappointment but don’t think it worked.

Question is, AIBU to want to do something nice on the day when DH is home from work? I’ll be with DD all day while he’s at work (she’s 18mo so doesn’t get the concept of birthdays yet).

Guess I’m just getting fed up of being the lowest priority in the household even though I’m the one making all the decisions, keeping the house tidy, etc.

Sorry, rant over lol 🫠

That's your opinion.

I wouldn't be missing an important match my team was playing in for a birthday celebration that can happen on a different day.

People have different opinions.

Watching football on TV versus taking your partner out for a birthday treat. What a piss take.

You’re entitled to that opinion but you’d still be in the wrong. You can record sport and watch it anytime. Birthdays are static.

At the very least ring yourself a takeaway delivery whilst he's at ⚽ and open a bottle of good wine. Make him see he's missed out once he returns.

And I've said that as an avid sports fan, I don't think recording and watching later is a viable alternative.

The date of the birthday might be static but I don't think the celebration has to be.

And I've said that as an avid sports fan, I don't think recording and watching later is a viable alternative.

DH is a massive rugby fan and is quite happy to watch recorded matches because he is a grown up.

That's his decision. I'm not.

I agree

Yeah, I have the opinion that people who would do that are selfish, obsessed arses who can't put anyone else's needs before their own. Why does your sport trump someone's birthday?

You're entitled to your opinion. I'm entitled to mine.

The date of the birthday might be static but I don't think the celebration has to be.

Surely you only get to make that choice for your own birthday, not someone else’s

If OPs DH is choosing to watch his team play on TV rather than doing something nice for her birthday then that is totally shit! I plan my own birthdays now as my DH is usually working etc or playing footy. Or I book a weekend away with friends. My DH also can't see the point of birthdays! When kids are v young it's important couples make an effort though as life seems hard enough with young kids without husbands making us feel more depressed than normal with their lack of interest. Book a spa weekend away with a friend or your Mum & dump your DC on him for the weekend. That's what I'd do. My DH has been playing football every Sat afternoon & gone from the house 1- 6pm for 20 years 🙈 & it is annoying tbh. Plus coaching our DS team Saturday mornings til 10-11.30 plus DS matches on Sundays. I make my own plans most weekends tbh so I don't feel (too) resentful & I did choose to marry a man who was obsessed with sport so I should have realised I guess.

I mean this as a genuine remark not a goady one, you should consider have higher expectations of your partner / husband.

As an aside, my husband played football for a couple of years in the evenings and it was a bit of fun for a group of over 35s. They weren’t under the illusion they were Manchester United, it was perfectly fine and normal for somebody to not be able to make it some weeks if they had a higher priority family occasion.

Which is fine if that is the way it has been set on / the conditions on which he joined.
Personally I think it is really important to ringfence some time each week to do something for yourself. Whether it is a sport or a book club or a choir or meeting a mate to play pool or to learn how to paint or to go rock climbing or to do meditation. It doesn't matter what it is that clears your head, but if you work and have family responsibilities, then, IMHO it is good to prioritise that space.
A lot of posters on MN froth because the word 'football' is mentioned. If it were anything else the dh were doing, then there wouldn't be half the angst. It isn't saying that the match is more important than the birthday, it is saying "If we go for a meal on the Thursday, then we can do both, whereas if we go for the meal on the Wednesday, the other activity doesn't happen".

It's nothing to do with being a man or being a woman, it's to do with communication and a bit of common sense.

But this guy is just watching football on the telly at home. He's not going out to practice or support a club, he's not letting anyone down by not watching, he's not ringfencing time with friends or whatever.

It's a couple of hours of telly that he's prioritising over his partner's birthday.

He could (despite ilovesooty's protestations 😂) watch it on catch up later in the evening. Or (to appease ilovesooty) he could fit something nice for her around the match. Or he could, instead of saying "we can do something another time instead", have made actual plans for what they'll do to celebrate another night. Instead he's been vague and dismissive and OP knows from experience he'll forget (can't be arsed).

Nah, that was me. It was just a personal attack and had no value as a post.

I hate a fuss so not bothered by birthdays but if you want it a certain way….tell him
what you want. Waiting and hoping that he’ll give you a brilliant birthday will end in disappointment unless you take control.

I think you should

1. plan for you and DD to do something lovely - go for a really nice lunch out either on your own or with friends
2. tell your useless DH that you find his attitude very hurtful and that you would like your birthday to be acknowledged, on the day itself (- bare minimum he can organise a takeaway/dinner, flowers and a card; and get home in time to sort bedtime with DD whilst you go to the gym/have a nap/have a bath) OR go out with your mates and he can look after his child.

Hair-trigger modding, @category12

It was a pointless personal attack. I reported it. The mods agreed and took it down. Meh. It wasn't bringing anything interesting to the discussion.

I've had posts of mine taken down in the past. I care not.

I disagree when a poster is repeatedly attempting to undermine and dismiss an OP who has said how sidelined she already feels, @category12.

Attack the ideas not the person.

Calling someone goady is hardly an attack, FFS.

Sorry for derailing, OP. I hope you're able to update with how you're working things out.

There are a lot of low bar responses here. Why should you plan your own celebration or have it on a day that’s not your birthday, and be grateful for the ‘luxury’ of <check notes> a hot dinner?

I usually plan my own birthday because then I can do exactly as I’d like, but my basic expectation is that my husband would make an effort to treat my birthday as an occasion if I hadn’t made it clear what I’d like to do. Just as I’d do for him.