It’s a stepchildren and bedrooms one!

[SettleThis]

I am pregnant and have three stepchildren (SD8, SD7 and SS5). SO and I live in a three-bedroom house, with an additional reception room downstairs used as a home office at the moment. At some point in the next 2-3 years we’re hoping to remodel and add another bedroom upstairs, but this isn’t an immediate priority right now.

IABU - baby will have to stay in your bedroom then move into the downstairs office (this is SO’s opinion)

IANBU - girls will have to move downstairs and baby into upstairs bedroom (this is my opinion)

Just realized it's two girls and a boy but same idea would probably be ok for a while. 🤔

Your DP is being ridiculous. Of course the older girls should move, this has nothing to do with whether they are step children or biological children, older children often have to move rooms so the baby can be closer to Mum and Dad.

There's no way you'll want your baby on a different floor to you, it's hard enough to move them into their own room away from you in the first place. I'm sure having a baby on a different floor wouldn't be recommended by experts either for obvious reasons.

Your DP needs to catch himself on!

SDs would hate this as SD2 and SS fight a lot and they never want him in their room. They are also very much against the idea of bunk beds and it’s not a big enough room for three single beds.

I do think suggesting this as an option might make SDs more keen on the downstairs room though!

Keep baby in with you for 18 months to 2 years. By which point either the girls will be a little older and possibly ready for a new room or if baby is a boy you could consider re arranging SS' room and they share.

This.

You could move the children around so that they each get their own room (IE one downstairs plus existing 2 upstairs) and then when extension happens, everyone has their own room.

Why do you have the step children so little? Is your SO’s suggestion of having the baby downstairs indicative of his parenting skills

You move downstairs with the baby. Single bed for you, cot for baby.
Do not sleep with or have sex with your husband again until your baby has an upstairs bedroom. If after a year there is no solution, move out.

Smallest bedroom - baby
Next smallest bedroom - bunks and a single for the stepkids
Next bedroom - you and dp.

By the time it's an issue that the boys and girls share the additional room will be built.

I’d be fine with this, but as I’ve mentioned the girls hate bunk beds and one of them hates their brother, so they and SO wouldn’t.

Personally I'm not liking your SO's response and sense of responsibility. How much parenting are they actually going to put in? If SO is so happy withthe idea of a crying baby/toddler being downstairs can you really believe this person will be the one who gets up in the middle of the night go all the way downstairs to do the quick 3 second check in and walk half way upstairs before they start crying again and turning back round to check on them?

Depending how long you've been in a relationship I'd seriously be think about your financial situation, and look at the freedom project..

I’ve thought this for ages but never seen anyone say it before.

Some pretty weird suggestions on this thread, I think it's v unreasonable to expect the OP to keep the baby in her room for 18 months to two years or to sleep apart from her husband! The baby should have its own room upstairs, close to the OP.
The big downstairs study space becoming a big girls bedroom is the obvious solution. Personally I think it would be good to tell the girls you are planning to make the change sooner rather than later "because they are getting so big" rather than it being directly connected to the baby. Take them shopping and involve them in decorating- girls of that age love all that in my experience. Let them choose colours/ those big glittery wall stickers that peel off etc. Your DH is wrong that this needs to be a huge issue / they'll feel put out. I predict they will love it and problem will be solved. DSS should get the chance to get some new bits for his room too. All of this will be v fun for step kids, not a trauma, and much cheaper than an extension! Good luck OP.

Can't baby share with 5 year old until the extension is built. If you're only just pregnant then it'll be a while before they baby will be going in their own room anyway. Maybe keep them in with you until 18 months or so. That gives you 2 years to sort out extra room.

You have an OH problem, it really doesnt matter what the kids do or dont want. They have a roof over their heads and keep their own space, whether thats upstairs or downstairs. You, as parents, move the home around as you see fit. The problem is your OH doesnt want to because he's Disneying and feeling guilty for the existing 3. I know that men can be really short sighted and he's just thinking about the here and now, but he's not the sole person in charge of this decision and of course a baby should take priority, its a baby that is completely dependant on you. The girls being downstairs will make no difference to them whatsoever. It is unsafe and, at the very least, bloody inconvenient to leave a baby down there, and if thats what he insists, Id be telling him that you'll be putting a single bed in that room for yourself to also stay in. Also, way to go Dad for letting your partner and new baby know where they come in your little pecking order.

I sorted this issue with mine years ago, we have two rooms up and two rooms down, OH wanted one of them to take the second upstairs bedroom, I vito'd that immediately, not sure OH was thrilled but knew better than to fight me on it. Now we have our own on the way, it'll be upstairs with us.

Further, once the eldest is not staying over frequently, I will be taking the smaller of those rooms for a home office and they can share on the rare nights they stay over together in the larger room going forward. Im not have 50% of the bedrooms in my home kept as shrines for the sake of 52 nights a year.

YANBU, it's a no brainer that the two older children should be the one's downstairs, in the bigger room.

Life also doesnt revolve around them just because their parents broke up. No one is saying they are lucky to have two rooms, but it is unreasonable to give a resident child a tiny room in their own home leaving a decent sized room unoccupied for 75% of the year.

For me i would present dh with the choices and baby downstairs alone is not one of them.

1. girls and boy share bigger room with baby in small room.

2. girls downstairs boy in box room. Baby in girls room.

3. us downstairs and kids all upstairs.

4. boy downstairs. (State you think he is a bit young thus showing it is about age not that they are step kids).

5. do you have any other ideas? I am open to suggestions as long as baby upstairs.

He will surely come to the reasonable conclusion girls downstairs is best. He cant just say baby downstairs. (As a family when baby 1-2 years better for rest of family if they sleep upstairs so you dont have to be really quiet).

Life also doesnt revolve around them just because their parents broke up. No one is saying they are lucky to have two rooms, but it is unreasonable to give a resident child a tiny room in their own home leaving a decent sized room unoccupied for 75% of the year.

Nobody is saying that it does revolve around them, and you have to do what works best for everybody; but from the child's pov, they might lose out twice - all as a result of something that they had absolutely no say in.

It's not exactly the same thing, but suppose you couldn't find a full-time job that fitted around your work/life/family needs, so instead you managed to find two or even three part-time jobs that would give you what you needed. How would you feel if, when you asked for annual leave, both/all employers told you that your FT colleagues would always have priority for the popular weeks, 'because they're here all the time, whereas you have another job where you can get whatever holiday you want'?

Also, what happens if children live with each parent 50% of the time? Does that mean that they just don't ever get any priority for a 'main' room - because the 50% of the time that they are not there is considered more important than the 50% of the time that they are?

Entirely different and OP has already clearly stated this isnt the case so completely irrelevant. If child is 50/50, they are resident in both homes. In this case, dads is not their primary home to any degree, however the baby will be and as such should really be taking a suitable room as a resident child.

Pointless example that has nothing to do with the scenario. Clutching.

Even if they were here 100% of the time I’d be pushing for them to move downstairs, as I believe the baby needs to be on the same floor as the adult. I’m not suggesting the SC all have to share a room.

Fundamentally, the baby is not less than the existing children, their lives are not more worthy than the new childs. They are equals. When they were babies, Im sure their father wouldnt have dreamed of suggesting they should be left downstairs, the new baby deserves the same courtesy.

Your step children do not live with you. They have a home with their mum, and in addition they need somewhere to sleep when they visit you. It's logical that the child who lives in the house gets the preferential bedroom.

This is coming from a step child. I never understand this need to make the children feel like they have two homes. I don't think it's beneficial mentally. They need somewhere to call home, and to feel comfortable and welcomes when they visit the other parent.

I wouldn't sleep on a different floor to the baby.

The SD's are 8 and 7 now, but by the time baby is born and has spent 6 months-1year with parents they should be old enough to sleep downstairs. Try and make the move exciting for them (them choosing decor etc) and I'm sure they won't mind.