Page 6 | It’s a stepchildren and bedrooms one!

SettleThis · 2023-09-20T08:07:34+00:00

I am pregnant and have three stepchildren (SD8, SD7 and SS5). SO and I live in a three-bedroom house, with an additional reception room downstairs used as a home office at the moment. At some point in the next 2-3 years we’re hoping to remodel and add another bedroom upstairs, but this isn’t an immediate priority right now. IABU - baby will have to stay in your bedroom then move into the downstairs office (this is SO’s opinion) IANBU - girls will have to move downstairs and baby into upstairs bedroom (this is my opinion)

Original poster

SettleThis · 20/09/2023 14:33

BabaPixi · 20/09/2023 14:26

Option 3, put the baby with you and make the remodelling more of a priority than you think. I wouldnt like any if the kids to be downstairs.

This is SO’s view. The thing is, the cost of the remodelling would all be on me, and whilst we have at least one child to put through nursery, I am reluctant to take on the upheaval and additional expense when, in my opinion, there is sufficient space for everyone.

OP posts:

OhmygodDont · 20/09/2023 14:34

Makes sense to move them.

If this wasn’t a blended family nobody would be batting an eye lid anyway.

Options really are. DD’s move into bigger room downstairs or end up with bunk beds and sharing with a baby/toddler. That’s the options.

Batatahara · 20/09/2023 14:37

I would shelve the conversation for a while because you might feel very differently by the time the baby is old enough for their own room.

In our old house, it was a townhouse and so we have had a baby and toddler on a different floor to us and it was honestly fine. We had a monitor for longer than most people do (until the kids were about 3/4) but it was a back up and we really had no issues at all.

I kinda agree with the folk who say that you mind actually find it works better for you to have the downstairs room so it's worth keeping your options open

Ponderingwindow · 20/09/2023 14:38

The baby needs to be on the same floor as you. The girls are still a bit young to be on a different floor in case of emergency.

I would plan to keep the baby in your room until at least 12 months. 18 months wouldn’t be a bad idea either.

at that point the girls will be older and having them on a separate floor won’t be as much of an issue.

milkshakebringsallthebuoystotheyard · 20/09/2023 14:39

Stick all three in your big room, take the girls room for you and the sons room for baby. Done

roarrfeckingroar · 20/09/2023 14:41

Baby gets nearby room.

This man must be very special though; taking on three young step children is a lot.

Oliotya · 20/09/2023 14:41

Jesskitty · 20/09/2023 13:49

Is it not a bit late to be discussing this now?

I am always baffled by posts like this, if you and your partner split you wouldn’t want him to treat his kids with you as second class citizens if you got a new partner.

You and your partner should suck this up until you get the extension or until your child is old enough to share with a sibling - who might then say they would rather go downstairs. Otherwise you should keep your child in your room as long as necessary.

Exactly.

BabaPixi · 20/09/2023 14:43

SettleThis · 20/09/2023 14:33

This is SO’s view. The thing is, the cost of the remodelling would all be on me, and whilst we have at least one child to put through nursery, I am reluctant to take on the upheaval and additional expense when, in my opinion, there is sufficient space for everyone.

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I dont think there is space for everyone. I wouldnt want little ones downstairs on a different floor.

PosterBoy · 20/09/2023 14:44

roarrfeckingroar · 20/09/2023 14:41

Baby gets nearby room.

This man must be very special though; taking on three young step children is a lot.

and she is paying for the extension!

Bubop · 20/09/2023 14:47

I wouldn’t be on a different floor to any preteen child/children. What if there’s a fire or a break in?

In your shoes I’d keep the baby in with me until I had an extension. I have a 2.5 year old and he doesn’t use his room for anything other than sleeping yet anyway, he plays wherever I am.

If you’re adamantly against sharing your room for longer than the minimum recommended 6 months, I’d put the baby in with the same sex sibling/s. Even if that means bunk beds for the girls, safety trumps bed preference.

Pizzanight · 20/09/2023 14:55

If you really don't want baby to share with with SS, would it work to have a cot in SS's room but have baby in with you when they're here then you have the option when they're not? I think your overthinking it before baby arrives though. My first was in with me for 2 years for convenience and 2nd just over a year. When DC3 comes along they too will be in with me for over a year as we currently have a 3 bed and I'd rather their siblings were undisturbed. They will then go in with one of their siblings until DS1 is old enough to move downstairs into what is currently the playroom.

AxolotlEars · 20/09/2023 15:00

If possible a triple bunk in the next biggest bedroom and then baby in the smallest room, when they transition to their own room.

Original poster

SettleThis · 20/09/2023 15:02

Bubop · 20/09/2023 14:47

I wouldn’t be on a different floor to any preteen child/children. What if there’s a fire or a break in?

In your shoes I’d keep the baby in with me until I had an extension. I have a 2.5 year old and he doesn’t use his room for anything other than sleeping yet anyway, he plays wherever I am.

If you’re adamantly against sharing your room for longer than the minimum recommended 6 months, I’d put the baby in with the same sex sibling/s. Even if that means bunk beds for the girls, safety trumps bed preference.

To be honest, this would actually be better for me as it’d mean I keep the home office. I have been pushing the girls having the downstairs room as:

SD2 hates SS so won’t want to share with him whilst baby gets box room
If baby is a girl, SDs would need to get bunk beds so a cot fits in their room and they hate bunk beds. Also they may be kept awake at night by the baby
If baby is a boy, SDs would need to get bunk beds and swap into SS’s current room, because it wouldn’t fit a cot and his bed, so again they’d hate the bunk beds, and this way SS may be disturbed by the baby

Whereas having the downstairs room means no sharing, no bunk beds and the biggest kids’ room. Maybe I should just say whatever and let them have bunk beds they hate and disrupted sleep if it’s so important to SO that the girls stay upstairs.

OP posts:

Backagain23 · 20/09/2023 15:03

Oliotya · 20/09/2023 13:35

People shouldn't have more children than they have space for then should they

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OP and her DH have space, he just doesn't like to do the sensible thing and rejig the rooms.
Doesn't matter anyway, once a baby exists it exists and it's just as important as any of its siblings.

CoffeeBean5 · 20/09/2023 15:03

PosterBoy · 20/09/2023 11:58

I don't think I would be very comfortable having my kids downstairs until teen years, and your partner's kids are all really young.

I might be tempted to wait quite a while on this.

pregnancy - another 6 months
sharing with parents - another 9 months to a year

Then possibly smallest room for baby, girls together downstairs, boy in one of the bigger rooms

Then switch it again as the baby grows older and needs a bit more space.

If he can afford 4 kids but doesn't want the older ones downstairs, perhaps your partner needs to think about funding a bigger house though.

The boy is already in the smallest bedroom so he should stay put. The older girls should move downstairs. 8 and 9 is old enough. The baby should have the second largest bedroom upstairs as she's in that house everyday. The others aren't there often and have another room at their mum's.

Stimpend · 20/09/2023 15:06

They may be the oldest and most sensible, but they are also still very young. Until they are old enough to be comfortably left at home, and able to work door keys, knock up a neighbour, execute a fire plan I would not want them sleeping alone on the ground floor without an adult on hand.

I know this probably won't make sense because they seem so grown up compared with a baby, but when your own child is 7 it'll look a lot different. Especially if they turn into a 7 year old who's had a bit of upheaval in their life and regularly expresses that they feel scared of things.

Oliotya · 20/09/2023 15:08

SettleThis · 20/09/2023 15:02

To be honest, this would actually be better for me as it’d mean I keep the home office. I have been pushing the girls having the downstairs room as:

SD2 hates SS so won’t want to share with him whilst baby gets box room
If baby is a girl, SDs would need to get bunk beds so a cot fits in their room and they hate bunk beds. Also they may be kept awake at night by the baby
If baby is a boy, SDs would need to get bunk beds and swap into SS’s current room, because it wouldn’t fit a cot and his bed, so again they’d hate the bunk beds, and this way SS may be disturbed by the baby

Whereas having the downstairs room means no sharing, no bunk beds and the biggest kids’ room. Maybe I should just say whatever and let them have bunk beds they hate and disrupted sleep if it’s so important to SO that the girls stay upstairs.

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You can't put a baby who wakes at night with any of the kids. Any solution needs to not be that.
You clearly have made your mind up and don't want anyone's opinions but for your dp and dsds to fall in line. So I'm not sure what the point of this post was tbh.

Original poster

SettleThis · 20/09/2023 15:11

Oliotya · 20/09/2023 15:08

You can't put a baby who wakes at night with any of the kids. Any solution needs to not be that.
You clearly have made your mind up and don't want anyone's opinions but for your dp and dsds to fall in line. So I'm not sure what the point of this post was tbh.

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The point of the post was to see if most people agree with me or not. They do - 78% think I am not being unreasonable to put the girls downstairs.

The secondary purpose was to see if anyone had any solutions I’d not thought of, but there hasn’t really been any that are workable, other than that the baby shares with one or more of the SCs, which I expect the girls will hate more than moving downstairs.

OP posts:

milkshakebringsallthebuoystotheyard · 20/09/2023 15:12

Oliotya · 20/09/2023 15:08

You can't put a baby who wakes at night with any of the kids. Any solution needs to not be that.
You clearly have made your mind up and don't want anyone's opinions but for your dp and dsds to fall in line. So I'm not sure what the point of this post was tbh.

Show quote history

Actually, she is suggesting a route whereby they wouldnt have to be woken up, they'd be allllll the way downstairs. Sharing a room with baby/toddler for the next few years isnt exactly realistic for the parents, nor should it be in a 3/4 bed house. Plus, do you really think baby crying next door to the precious stepchildren is all that much quieter?

Sounds like another Golden Uterus sticking her nose in to me.

Whichwhatnow · 20/09/2023 15:17

I really don't understand all the angst about DC being on a different floor? Genuinely can't work out if some posters have genuine concerns that would apply equally if all the DCs were the OP's or if it's just some weird attempt to twist it so that the DSCs seem hard done by...

OP when I was just turned 8 we moved to a townhouse which meant I could either have a small room right next to my parents', or a bigger room on another floor. My parents gave me the choice and I jumped at the bigger room! It meant more privacy, feeling more grown up, able to make more noise/listen to music etc without disturbing anyone, my own bathroom (not ensuite but the only one on that floor so only used by me), and it was bigger! Win-win all round! I think your DSDs will be thrilled provided it's presented to them in a positive way.

Coffeepot72 · 20/09/2023 15:20

Funny, isn't it - bio children never seem to be harmed by moving bedrooms or sharing with a sibling .....

Batatahara · 20/09/2023 15:20

@Whichwhatnow I agree. We did it with a baby and a toddler and I really didn't think twice about it.

We do have linked smoke alarms which I think are important anyway but particularly so with children on different floors

Original poster

SettleThis · 20/09/2023 16:01

Whichwhatnow · 20/09/2023 15:17

I really don't understand all the angst about DC being on a different floor? Genuinely can't work out if some posters have genuine concerns that would apply equally if all the DCs were the OP's or if it's just some weird attempt to twist it so that the DSCs seem hard done by...

OP when I was just turned 8 we moved to a townhouse which meant I could either have a small room right next to my parents', or a bigger room on another floor. My parents gave me the choice and I jumped at the bigger room! It meant more privacy, feeling more grown up, able to make more noise/listen to music etc without disturbing anyone, my own bathroom (not ensuite but the only one on that floor so only used by me), and it was bigger! Win-win all round! I think your DSDs will be thrilled provided it's presented to them in a positive way.

Similarly I spent a lot of time at my grandparents’ and they had a bungalow. The spare room / my bedroom was off the kitchen so at the other end of the bungalow to my grandparents and teenage uncles and it was sold to me as being very grown-up and I loved it! I had a wonderful time sneaking midnight snacks and climbing out of the window into the garden in summer.

We have linked fire alarms, good security, childproof windows and doors, and the room is directly beneath ours so we’d hear them if they shouted. We would do a fire plan with them and they’d be 8.5 and 9.5 by the time they moved.

OP posts:

Anothershitusername · 20/09/2023 16:02

Why is all the cost of any renovation on you op

minipeony · 20/09/2023 16:13

Is it more perhaps he is concerned about them having to "give up their room" for the baby? If so I would try and arrange the timings if you can. So it's not new baby is here and you're moving room. Try to disconnect the two things if possible.