It’s a stepchildren and bedrooms one!

[SettleThis]

I am pregnant and have three stepchildren (SD8, SD7 and SS5). SO and I live in a three-bedroom house, with an additional reception room downstairs used as a home office at the moment. At some point in the next 2-3 years we’re hoping to remodel and add another bedroom upstairs, but this isn’t an immediate priority right now.

IABU - baby will have to stay in your bedroom then move into the downstairs office (this is SO’s opinion)

IANBU - girls will have to move downstairs and baby into upstairs bedroom (this is my opinion)

Your new baby will be there 100% of the time so will need the best bedroom space.

I always think this perspective can be very unfair, when children have to live between two houses because their parents are no longer together.

They can have an inferior/more cramped sleeping space 'because they aren't here all the time'; then, if their mum has another baby(ies) with her new partner, maybe they also end up with an inferior/more cramped sleeping space there 'because they aren't here all the time'.

They aren't lucky to have to live between two homes, when they have half-siblings who don't have to.

This. The older ones are a bit small to be downstairs away from you. I think your partner's right that they may find this difficult.

Personally if you are going down the avenue of baby sleeping in your room for the first 6 months anyway (some dont) then I would create a nursery downstairs with the explicit understanding that when baby starts sleeping alone the rooms get swapped. That way you get a nursery set up how you like it and the girls get used to having a new baby around. Then when he/she is ready to move into her own room you either pop all 3 sdds into a room together upstairs and turn the nursery into a playroom/office/game area or the oldest moves downstairs.

I wouldn't waste my breath debating it at this point.
Once baby is here, DH will realise that having to get up, and go downstairs at every snuffle on the baby monitor makes his idea impractical.
Honestly you are right, don't get into a debate now. Older girls will prob be far happier downstairs away from baby anyway.

Toddlers and preschoolers usually end up taking over the whole house though! Toys don't stay in their bedrooms, they just follow you about wherever you are. There's a lot of sense IMO in older children having bigger rooms - that way 90% of the space in the house is used. If the baby or toddler has the biggest bedroom it will usually sit empty all day while they are creating havoc downstairs! And any older children, full siblings or not, can get a bit squeezed out.

I would just keep the baby in your room until you’re ready to do the extension.

They are being comfortably housed. Two siblings of the same sex share a bigger room, and sibling of a different sex has their own small room. By the sounds of it the girls share a room with their mum as well, has she also had more children than she should have done by your standards?

I do agree with the first part of this post though, OP. Baby should be in with you for the first 6-12 months, so that’s another year or so before they ‘need’ a bedroom. By that point your stepdaughters will be a bit older, which will be a good thing if their bedroom is going to be downstairs.

If the biggest objection is that the girls might feel pushed out if they have to move downstairs, then the solution is to sell them on the idea of a bigger bedroom. Since they don't know about the baby yet, you could even do this before they know, so they don't connect the move to the baby. (They might work it out later, but if they've already got excited about the new room, it won't matter. Say that it's a pity they don't have room for a table/desk in their room (or whatever), and how would they like to have the downstairs room, and help decide how to decorate it.

I would put girls in bunk beds, boy in his cabin bed and put all 3 in girls room. Use box room for baby but have changing table in office if you need to. Once baby needs a bed the oldest girl will need more privacy so girls down stairs, boy back in box and baby in bigger room. Make it into a adventure and although talk to them don't let them decide.

This is how I would like to play it. We can decorate the bigger downstairs room to their liking now, and they can feel grown-up and have room for a homework desk. This would also mean I can set up a nursery (and keep my desk in there) before the baby’s born. SO does not agree.

When you say extending to get a 4th bedroom isn't a priority right now, do you mean it's not affordable right now, or you just don't really want to right now?

Tbh, if you can afford now, I would prioritise it now before the baby arrives. Having work done with a small baby will be a pain in the backside, plus it will all be ready for when the baby is ready to move out, and that way you're not tied to having the baby in with you/needing to move the girls out by a particular time.

If it's an affordability thing, I would go with PPs suggestion of keeping baby in with you when the SC are with you. Can't you keep the changing table etc in your room and just have the cot in the other bedroom?

Suggesting this would definitely make the girls happier to move downstairs! They hate sharing a room with their brother (used to have to at their mum’s) and they hate bunk beds (have them at their mum’s).

Baby in your room. Easy.

Master bedroom - you and DH
Next biggest room upstairs - your DD
Smallest upstairs bedroom - step son
Downstairs bedroom - two step daughters share

Your DD should have an upstairs room because she is a baby. She should also have the biggest bedroom (after the master bedroom) as she will live in the house full time. The other children already have another bedroom at their mum's so none of them need a big bedroom at yours.

Are you mad???? For like 290 nights a year all those other bedrooms are empty?? Why on earth would this be the solution??

I think the OPs suggestion of the girls downstairs and a new room is best all round.

all squeeze into one room with an otherwise empty house? NO!

A baby should be with the parents for 6-12 months anyway

Agreed. I think this post was relating to a longer term solution? 6 months yes, 2 years? NO.

If SO wants the baby downstairs, I assume he'll be going downstairs to the baby every time it wakes in the night, needs bringing upstairs for a feed, etc.

Personally, I think all those kids are too young to be downstairs by themselves. So if need be, that would mean baby in my room for 2 years.

The baby would be in our room for the first 6 months at least, after that I’d like it to move into one of the three available rooms which are empty for over 75% of the time.

You are in a three bedroom house with additional room downstairs. I think best solution is the three girls in second biggest room and baby in smallest bedroom upstairs. This is doable and by the time baby is around aged two you will be adding an extension. At that point baby moves to biggest available upstairs room as he lives in house permanently. When the extension happens would be a natural time for all change of upstairs bedrooms.

The amount of time they spend there is less relevant than whether or not they are mature enough to sleep on a different floor. That is entirely dependent on your kids and your house.

Your baby should go into the second biggest bedroom upstairs because she'll be there everyday. The girls share the downstairs bedroom. These threads are always strange as women will say that even if you have twin baby girls, the step daughter who's only there every other weekend should still have the biggest bedroom for herself, twins share a small room and OP and DH should be in the box room 😂

I think you’ll find it really impractical to have your baby on a different floor once they go into their own room. Have your OH doing the night wakes for a few days, you’ll find he soon gets bored of running up and down the stairs (if your baby is anything like mine was!)