It’s a stepchildren and bedrooms one!

[SettleThis]

I am pregnant and have three stepchildren (SD8, SD7 and SS5). SO and I live in a three-bedroom house, with an additional reception room downstairs used as a home office at the moment. At some point in the next 2-3 years we’re hoping to remodel and add another bedroom upstairs, but this isn’t an immediate priority right now.

IABU - baby will have to stay in your bedroom then move into the downstairs office (this is SO’s opinion)

IANBU - girls will have to move downstairs and baby into upstairs bedroom (this is my opinion)

People so worried about their children leaving the house and starting cooking in the middle of the night - you do realise that unless you block your stairs every night, the can still just go down and do that?

True!

This seems like a good option. No one has to sleep downstairs.

I would probably put the girls downstairs, the eldest would be 9-10 by then. I’d also keep their room as the office because they are only there at weekends and you would only be using the room in the week. I’d set it up in a way that meant everything ‘office’ could be packed away when they are there so they have full use of the space.

If my baby/very young DC was in a bedroom on a different floor, I would probably end up sleeping in their room on a regular basis rather than traipsing up and down the stairs every time they were ill/scared/having night terrors/needing a drink of water/had wet the bed. Is that something your partner is going to be fine with? He clearly hasn’t thought this one through, probably because he didn’t do most of the middle-of-the-night childcare duties with his 3 DC, as is very often the case with fathers.

The baby should be upstairs with you. Although the girls say they don’t want bunk beds have you considered using bunk beds as a room divider, which means they each have their own “room”? Some great examples on Pinterest and I’ve seen it done very successfully with a normal sized room.

You are keen to repeatedly push the fact that the girls "hate" bunk beds and absolutely won't have them, but you have also said

1. They haven’t been consulted. They don’t know I’m pregnant yet and I don’t think it’s their decision to be honest

So you don't think their opinion on which room they should sleep in matters, but you DO allow them to dictate that they won't be having bunk beds.

Makes zero sense.

Your partner is being ridiculous.

Alternative set up:

You and baby in master bedroom until building work is completed
SC stay as they are
Partner sleeps in the downstairs room

Presumably the partner will be paying for the building work then?

I suspect the OP is repeating how the SC hate bunk beds because she’s heard this so many times from her partner, as part of the reason everything must be the way he wants it.

So partner gets to deal with zero night wakings for the entirety of the baby / toddler years? Yeah, fuck that for a game of soldiers.

I don't understand why people keep suggesting OP shares a bedroom with the baby and DH sleeps elsewhere - that doesn't solve the issues with sharing with a baby and actually just means OP will be dealing with it all.

@aSofaNearYou i suspect it’s because people actually only think of the SC as real children and the real ‘family’ here. The baby will just be an unfortunate hobby the SM has imposed on everyone and she should just deal with that and stop inconveniencing everyone.

People might not admit to it, but that is overwhelmingly the attitude that comes through on MN when SM’s talk about their children.

Nail. Head.

Im so glad Im pregnant...

On a practical note, I’d park the conversation for now, OP. Wait until baby is here - they’ll spend the first 6 months in your room anyway. That way, you’re not tying the room move suggestion to your dsc with the baby announcement, so no possible suggestion of ‘hey we’re having a baby, so we’re kicking you out of your room’. And when baby is here, and waking 4 times a night (sorry….) you can ask your dp how he’s now liking that idea of baby being downstairs in a few months’ time? And baby will likely be waking the elder children, so when you ask them if they want to move downstairs they’ll jump at the chance, and it’ll make sense to your dp too.

IncomingTraffic · Today 11:27

@aSofaNearYou i suspect it’s because people actually only think of the SC as real children and the real ‘family’ here. The baby will just be an unfortunate hobby the SM has imposed on everyone and she should just deal with that and stop inconveniencing everyone.

Sad but true

The girls would love downstairs if asked. Sow the seed! Downside of baby being downstairs is that the ghost will need to be more quiet at baby's bedtime.

Was the house originally your husbands and the children have had those rooms throughout their lives? Or have you cohabited in a different house to the one they shared with SO and his ex?

I think the opposite is true here, the OP owns the majority of this house and pays for the majority of things.

Some of the comments on this thread are so strange. Of course its not unsafe to have the girls on the ground floor at age 8 and 6 and the parents upstairs. We live in a skinny townhouse, all our bedrooms are on different levels and the big adult bedroom is on the top floor, this is the norm where we live. Would those who 'would never sleep on a different floor to my kids' suggest our four and six year old sleep in our bedroom with us just on the offchance a burglar comes, and leave the other three bedrooms in the middle of the house empty? Honestly. You do you OP, your solution is obviously the most logical, let us know how it goes

You could also have baby in with you and send your DH to sleep in a room with his ds if he's so keen for the step kids to all be upstairs

They will be more mature than a baby:toddler though!

Just thinking a little outside of the box here! Assuming your living room is next to your reception room, could you not move the living room to your upstairs bedroom and have your bedroom as the living room and babies room in the reception room next to yours? Assuming that it is?

It may not be applicable but just thought I'd throw another option in there. Also you wouldn't be disturbing DSC and they'd less likely wake due to baby crying etc.

I think it's the SC that are more of a 'hobby'. He only sees them EOW and holidays...that's when I take part in my hobbies too.

And it doesn't sound like they're a priority for their mum, she's too busy thinking of her love life, having an affair and making more kids too. Their lives have been blown apart and now they'll have half siblings on each side, they've been through a lot.

Let's not pretend the SC are lucky here.

A a pp mentioned that you can get a high sleeper with cot underneath, I'd get one CB of those. That would fit into the SS existing room and OP has said he'd love to share with the baby. That seems like a good idea as everyone would have a bedroom on the same floor. In time the girls could move downstairs or the extension would be done anyway.

I would say you don't need to change anything just yet. We kept our youngest in our room until he was 4 (we only had 2 rooms at the time) and it really wasn't a big deal. I probably would have kept him in with us anyway until he was 2. I also wouldn't have the youngest on a different floor. Could the other 3 share a room since they're only there a small amount of time? Double bed bunk bed or bunk bed and 1 single? Or have 1 share with the toddler when they're there.

@SettleThis I was glad to read you're not married no offense big I'm glad you're protecting yourself financially and hope you have a deed of trust written up to reflect the extension you pay for.

Not trying to s* stir but I am seething on your behalf that this man is trying to dictate to you how you organize your own home when it's thanks to your finances that he has a home with bedrooms for these children to live in- he's in no position to lay down the law with you. Imagine if I was poor and destitute and a nice man took me and my baby on and paid for most of our home and I started dictating to him what he could do with each room 😩

I read this update after I commented- well done I'm glad you're standing up for yourself