It’s a stepchildren and bedrooms one!

[SettleThis]

I am pregnant and have three stepchildren (SD8, SD7 and SS5). SO and I live in a three-bedroom house, with an additional reception room downstairs used as a home office at the moment. At some point in the next 2-3 years we’re hoping to remodel and add another bedroom upstairs, but this isn’t an immediate priority right now.

IABU - baby will have to stay in your bedroom then move into the downstairs office (this is SO’s opinion)

IANBU - girls will have to move downstairs and baby into upstairs bedroom (this is my opinion)

You are allowed to want things to be right for you and your baby in the house that you mostly own and pay the vast majority towards.

All while the father of all the children pays off his and his ex’s debts and contributes far less. It’s interesting his often men with children from previous relationships find a woman who will pay to house his children and still feel guilty for wanting any real say over how that house is organised.

I mean, in your plan, you lose the office you WFH in - and you’re the main Warner. And still that’s not good enough for your partner. He is still stamping his foot and insisting that YOU pay for an extension or your baby gets out downstairs.

All while people on MN insist that you must keep your baby in a corner of your room until you pay for that extension. On the premise that the new baby should simply be grateful to live with daddy that they need nothing else.

Take some control over your life here. Just because he has older children does not mean you have to get in line and do as you’re told (while paying for everything).

the new baby should simply be grateful to live with daddy that they need nothing else.

Take some control over your life here. Just because he has older children does not mean you have to get in line and do as you’re told (while paying for everything).

very good point @IncomingTraffic The new baby should not be disadvantaged just because he/she has ‘together’ parents

The child who lives with you 3/4 of the time deserves a bedroom to themselves when the time comes. DH wanted to give bedroom two to DSS but I put my foot down and said that he’s only with us 4 nights a month, whereas we work from home full time (20 days a month) and couldn’t squeeze two desks into a box room. The girls need to share, DSS downstairs and you two and the baby upstairs.

So with 3 children in a 3 bed do 2 of them already share a room? Which 2?

Depending on the size of the downstairs room I’d suggested 2 share that room - safety in numbers on a different floor. Then you can have one in an upstairs room, baby in own room. Baby living there permanently means they should definitely have their own room. My 2 children shared at their dad’s when he and his partner had a baby. However they split up eventually so the younger 2 now share and my oldest has their own room as non live there permanently.

Advice is to keep baby in with you for 6 months but in reality both mine went into their rooms sooner than this with a baby monitor as they and we slept better. We couldn’t fit the Cot in with us so they moved out when they outgrew the basket.

pS what does OS stand for?

Also DO NOT marry this man. Protect the assets you have worked hard for for yourself and your child.

If the baby is on another floor I would be putting a really comfortable double in there as well. Walking across the hall some nights seemed like a mile long hike.

Honestly, it’s done so much for our fitness. when we first moved in we were shattered just going to the 2nd floor but now I can be on the ground floor and run upstairs to the top floor to grab something and run back down without breaking a sweat. We’re all thinner since moving in and I swear it’s the stairs 😂

Does your DP not remember night wakings/crying babies and toddlers/illness meaning up and down to baby all night? Do you really want to be up and down the stairs doing that? No-oldest children downstairs together as they are mature enough to manage it.

Maybe he doesn’t remember night wakings because he happily slept through while his ex did it all. He wouldn’t be the only man in that situation.

When we re-did the house, we had them DCs on a different floor to us when they were 2 years old. Never had a problem.
They also had their own room from the start otherwise I'd have never got any sleep.

I'd put the baby in with you for at least the first year. Then the girls move downstairs and baby into their own room. The girls are "so lucky" getting a "lovely new room" and they "deserve more privacy" now that they are getting so "grown up and trustworthy" wink wink. Preferably the girls move rooms at least a while before baby moves into their current room, so they don't necessarily see it as connected.

I agree with the others, the baby needs to stay upstairs. However I would probably take a lot of the SC stuff downstairs and call it “their room”, but in terms of actually sleeping maybe try to have 4 beds upstairs? If SC are only there on weekend, it shouldn’t interrupt routine too much and you may find they won’t sleep downstairs either. Maybe older 2 in one room, youngest SC and baby in another (obv this is more when they are toddlers and out of your room).

Your baby is far more likely to wake up in the middle of the night, perhaps multiple times, so it makes sense that it is somewhere that’s more convenient for you to get to. That’s not favouritism - that’s simple logistics - you don’t put the thing you need to tend to the most farthest at away from you. If your partner is uncomfortable having the girls downstairs then you need to think about whether you need different accommodation.

Regarding break ins surely that depends on your house. In ours technically you’re more at risk on the second floor.

The front of our house is Multiple doors as in a maze of them to get into the main house or one skinny kitchen window high up under three emotion alerting cameras and a ring door bell. The second floor is so much easier. One good sized window right above a single story flat roofed side building.
The rear of the house is not accessible via public land at all.

Many cultures have their children in their room for two years plus. Why are people so dead against their children feeling close to them at a young age

By the sounds of it you’re in the early stages of pregnancy. So you don’t really need to be worrying or arguing about this now. Anything can change between now and when your baby needs it’s own room

Reading this thread you’d think people were routinely burgled multiple times a week. If you live somewhere that’s the case, you’d know and bedroom allocation really wouldn’t be the biggest housing issue on your mind.

The fire point and saying putting the parents downstairs is better doesn’t make sense. That just means they’re not on the floor as any of the children - so how is anyone safer in a fire.

Both feel like classic MN ‘things that sound Important’ once mentioned so everyone repeats them all over the thread. And the sense of danger grows til it appears the only ‘safe’ option would be the OP building a fireproof panic room and locking everyone in it together each night.

Because relationships matter too? Because some people are more than just parents? Because kids don’t have to take over your life? Because everyone often disturbs everyone? Because it’s often too cramped or crowded ? Because not everyone wants clingy children they can’t ever leave?

many many reasons and essentially, in this thread 290 nights of the year ALL THE OTHER BEDROOMS IN OPS HOUSE ARE EMPTY!!!!!!!!

this thread is baffling! The OP already has the perfect solution!

DHs preference would mean there's a lot more traipsing involved in night wake ups. Does he expect to cover this himself, or does he think you should take on some/all of the extra faff caused by his preference OP?

Why would DSD and DSS need to share in any scenario?

Realistically, the baby wouldn’t need to be disturbing anyone if you keep him or her in with you for longer. My DC will share a room (at least for a while, we don’t want to lose our office either). I probably won’t move the youngest until he is ready for a bed rather than a cot though.

Other than parental preference, there’s no reason why a baby/toddler needs to sleep in their own room. It’s fine for them to stay with their mum and dad. And it’s obviously better for the LO to be in with me than to wake his brother up when he wants lifting out of his cot or is teething.

I really don't think you've read the OPs posts.

Parental preference is a perfectly good reason for a baby to sleep in their own room.

After reading the full thread, it makes perfect sense for the girls to have the downstairs bedroom. It doesn't need to be anytime soon, but yes it wouldn't feel right to me to have a baby then toddler on a floor above alone majority of the time.

Honestly I'd put the two girls downstairs. My eldest moved downstairs when he was 11(his choice) as he preferred not to share with 9yo brother.

@Zonder I have read the whole thread since OP posted. I would have the room downstairs with the baby personally.

To be honest if OP is posting for advice and the baby isn't born her nd her partner really can't get along that well. You and I aren't living in the household if OPs solved it then why did she post in the first place? Seems to me there's some other issues at hand.