To think this might be contributing to my difficulty finding a partner

[healthgal]

I'm 35 and in a professional job, own a home, reasonably attractive, slim, and a friendly sort of person.

But despite looking and dating for 15 years, I've never found a relationship which has lasted more than a few months.

I was discussing with a friend last night and she suggested that one aspect of my lifestyle could be quite off-putting to potential men, and I'm wondering if this could be part of the reason.

I deeply believe in and follow certain lifestyle measures which I believe (and evidence shows) is beneficial to my health. Such habits include;

• fasting such that I only eat lunch and dinner
• avoiding all ultra processed food, which means cooking my own largely plant based food (although am not vegan)
• drinking apple cider vinegar before each meal
• only drinking water and black coffee really

I have no intention of changing these habits as evidence shows them to be hugely beneficial to health. For special occasions like weddings etc I will be flexible, but I'm never going to be someone who goes for a KFC etc.

I obviously couldn't dictate that a future partner followed the same ethos as me, but subconsciously probably wouldn't pursue someone who wasn't at least semi health focused.

But it's got me thinking, is my lifestyle extremist? And is it putting potential suitors off?

Vegans and teetollars don't refuse to go out for entire meals because they won't eat two hours earlier than normal. They don't refuse to stop for coffee/cake/lunch because there are too many UPF's in their food.

Read the OP's posts. A date wants breakfast at a cafe and she refused to go as she doesn't eat before 1pm. Just one example of no flexibility.

@andrainwillmaketheflowersgrow Indeed.
The issue isn’t Ops food/ lifestyle choices but how she this translates into other people

Op wholly wants to be healthy. So it either needs to be someone who equally prioritises a very similar lifestyle or Op needs to except someone different and lighten up.
Its not all about her ( in a relationship). The best bit about love is that you’d do anything for the other person.

I intermittent fast but in this instance I'd probs go and have a coffee if I liked the person.

Well not anything. I certainly wouldn’t be eating stuff that gave me dangerously high blood sugars (which I am at risk of) just because I was in love. I would do my best to find a way to join in with something that was important for them, eg a particular regular meal with friends, without putting my own health at risk - but I do actually have a known health condition that is managed partly through a particular diet, rather than aiming for some kind of “optimum” health.

I think you need to find someone with similar healthy focus
they exist !

Reading your post I would assume that you have food issues too. There is a middle ground, a healthy middle ground between slugging ACV and only eating between certain hours etc and 'dumping processed food in it 24/7'. The fact that you can't imagine that middle ground would indicate to me that you do have problems with food.

Lots of people find people with food issues unattractive, I'm too old to be with someone like that, it's just boring, I don't want my life to be ruled by food nevermind the food someone else is eating/not eating. I would also count someone who would only 'dump processed food 24/7' into their body as someone with food issues.

I'm coming to this thread a little but have read a few posts. But I wanted to make the following points:-

I would class anyone that fasts regularly as a bit extreme whether they realise it or not.

Drinking apple cider vinegar before each meal will probably also give OP bad breath.
Her diet does not follow mainstream scientific research (with the exception of processed foods).

I dated someone who followed one of these diets and although he claimed to be healthy but "loved" food, going out for dinner was excruciating. The portions were always "too big" or the food "too heavy" and his breath had that weird vague sweet smell of someone who didn't eat enough. It was off-putting.

I think people are more flexible when it's a genuine health condition rather than a preference.

1pm is quite an awkward choice of time, if there's no flexibility around it. Even if someone is willing to say, "OK, we can skip brunch but the group is meeting for lunch at 12," being rigid about the 1pm time doesn't lend itself to participating in normal social life. Even 12 can work better socially. Then any prospective partner is faced with going to meet a group of friends (who might bring their partners) alone every time and not being able to share life properly with their own partner. That can be lonely. It's also awkward to meet the group and have your partner be the one who isn't really participating because they're putting themselves outside the group by not participating in a meal or just having a coffee or water. I can see how that would be off-putting and I support a healthy lifestyle.

Exactly. Going for a black coffee would not be out of the realms of unreasonableness

I'd mind to know how the no food before 1pm works in the work place? When I was a teacher, lunch was at 12. In my current job, lunch hours are allocated on a pattern and often mine falls at midday. I'm sure my coworkers would be pretty miffed if I bagged the 1pm slot everyday. Presume OP has the privilege of WFH?

I work in an office and we go for lunch when we feel like it.

Me too, meetings permitting (which would be the same when WFH)

I think if you were doing intermittent fasting and your lunch were scheduled at 12 you would just move your eating window a bit earlier, so you would stop eating earlier in the day. Most people I know who do IF have their preferred eating window but will make it earlier/later if they have scheduled things to work around

It’s not the even habits that could be an issue, it’s that: you ‘deeply believe’ these are beneficial for health; that ‘evidence shows’ this; and would consider that someone not doing similar ‘wasn't health focused’.’.

(When for most things you mention there’s little or no evidence of health benefit)

But that's not something the OP ever even considered before now because her beliefs about food and timings are so fixed.

I know lots of people who follow the fasting diet, but they don't let it rule their lives. My mum does 5:2 but she will move her fasting days around depending on her plans. I've done the 8 hour eating window before but would move the window around depending on what I was doing that day.

The fact that OP will never consider eating anything at all before 1pm no matter the circumstances is what's off-putting, not what she actually eats.

I was going to say no, that your eating habits are your business and shouldn’t really have an impact. However, I thought about the KFC thing and I’d hate to not be able to have a takeaway or even an oven pizza etc with my partner and it would make me miserable eating the same things as you. I know you could have different meals, but it would feel very separate. I don’t think you have to change though, just find someone who is into the same lifestyle.

@captainmarvella i wouldn’t take it personally, love. Not being able to eat something and choosing not to eat something are two very different things. OP refuses to eat before 1pm and comes across as quite rigid. I wouldn’t want to live like that and would find it frustrating that the things we do together would be dictated by their regimes.

I obviously hit a nerve with my opinion.

What does rigidity mean here. I don't see anything rigid. It looks like OP has found a diet that works for her and follows it in a disciplined manner.

Eating healthily is great. I cook from scratch, I'm vegetarian, I eat few UPF, I keep the caffeine down and don't drink alcohol during the week. However, following a diet in a 'disciplined manner' doesn't really go well with the early days of dating when you want to be fun and spontaneous. 'No, I'm not eating whipped cream off you because it's 3am and that stuff is an ultra processed food' is not a sentence you really want to hear. Fine, keep your boundaries. It narrows the dating pool but that's not necessarily a bad thing. However, I agree with pp who say that you need to ask what you're eating healthily for. If it's to carry on to a long old age, but on your own, with little fun and spontaneity, then maybe a muffin and a cup of coffee at 11am isn't such a bad thing.

Mmm. I do think when you find someone you actually fancy the rules go out the window. The world becomes you two.
Good luck Op. Hope you find your soul mate.

OP, it's interesting that your first response was to explain the benefits of ACV.

Out of all the questions asked, you chose that as the first to answer even though it wasn't the first question or even first page.

I'd say that is where the issue is. Explaining why you eat how you do, explaining the benefits, studies etc.

You probably don't realise you're even doing it.

When people are having breakfast, all you have to say is I'm not hungry, will eat later.
Not, I'm fasting, I don't eat till 1pm because xyz, studies have shown abc etc.

We all have different eating habits, we don't notice much as we don't talk about them all the time.

The ones that stand out are because they're talked about. That's the difference.

I agree with
Treesandsheepeverywhere

op it’s like that joke
how do you know someone’s a vegan
they fuxking tell you !

you do you
but just don’t talk about it as it’s not that massive a deal

or - Target someone very similar

Interesting lifestyle article today in the Independent (inews) about women and orthorexia / 'clean eating' and how it affects their lives.

Ignore the headline and the 'middle aged' tag - the lead case study is only 36, just a year older than the OP.

https://inews.co.uk/inews-lifestyle/eating-disorder-rising-middle-aged-class-women-healthy-eating-e-2637508

No point being the healthiest person on the planet if you’re living your life alone (when you don’t want to). Better to have a love filled shorter life if you ask me. Also there is absolutely no certain guarantee that strict healthy eating is going to get you a longer healthier life than someone who ate breakfast and had the odd pizza.