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Original poster

To think this might be contributing to my difficulty finding a partner

650 replies

healthgal · 20/09/2023 07:59

I'm 35 and in a professional job, own a home, reasonably attractive, slim, and a friendly sort of person.

But despite looking and dating for 15 years, I've never found a relationship which has lasted more than a few months.

I was discussing with a friend last night and she suggested that one aspect of my lifestyle could be quite off-putting to potential men, and I'm wondering if this could be part of the reason.

I deeply believe in and follow certain lifestyle measures which I believe (and evidence shows) is beneficial to my health. Such habits include;

  • fasting such that I only eat lunch and dinner
  • avoiding all ultra processed food, which means cooking my own largely plant based food (although am not vegan)
  • drinking apple cider vinegar before each meal
  • only drinking water and black coffee really

I have no intention of changing these habits as evidence shows them to be hugely beneficial to health. For special occasions like weddings etc I will be flexible, but I'm never going to be someone who goes for a KFC etc.

I obviously couldn't dictate that a future partner followed the same ethos as me, but subconsciously probably wouldn't pursue someone who wasn't at least semi health focused.

But it's got me thinking, is my lifestyle extremist? And is it putting potential suitors off?

OP posts:
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DurhamDurham · 20/09/2023 08:21

I don't think it would be your lifestyle on it's own, although could be a bit tedious if you only ever relax your rules for big events such as weddings etc.
if you go on about it or appear judgemental about other lifestyles then they would get very boring very quickly.

Do you never fancy going out for coffee and a cake after a nice long walk on a weekend? Or a nice big Sunday roast with all the trimmings?
I'm healthy and think about what I'm eating but would find life very dull without some 'treats'

NouveauNom · 20/09/2023 08:21

Slightly off topic but do you dilute / mix the acv with anything, or drink it through a straw? Just thought it did damage to your teeth long term...?

PinkPlantCase · 20/09/2023 08:21

It isn’t extreme, depends if you’re judgemental about how other people live or talk about it all the time.

Would you eat out? I don’t mean KFC but at at a restaurant?

It sounds like you just haven’t found your tribe really, there will be people out there with a similar lifestyle to you or people who don’t mind.

I know it’s not the same but I know lots of people with fairly restrictive diets because of allergies and it hasn’t stopped them from finding partners.

Est1990 · 20/09/2023 08:22

Can i ask what's the apple cider vinegar before a meal for?

Have you asked your previous partners?

KohlaParasaurus · 20/09/2023 08:22

I don't think so, unless your orthorexic eating habits are a constant preoccupation. Most people probably know several happy couples with very different eating patterns and food choices.

Pollyputhekettleon · 20/09/2023 08:23

Ohthatsabitshit · 20/09/2023 08:12

Well there seem to be a lot of vegans, pescatarians, vegetarians, celiacs, allergy sufferers, or kosher eaters who manage to find partners so at a guess I’d say it’s not that.

This. I mean of course someone with opposite health habits from you could be put off, but militant animal rights vegans find each other.

Beangrove · 20/09/2023 08:24

I think it potentially could be offputting to some people, not all but some definitely. My friend used to date a guy who was massively into fitness. His diet and routine doesn't sound dissimilar to yours - he was incredibly careful about what and when he ate, didn't drink alcohol etc. She just got fed up that they could never go out for a lazy Sunday breakfast together, or share a bottle of wine and a pizza, everything had to be based around what he could and couldn't eat, and what time he ate. She said even if he'd relaxed the 'rules' every now and again it might have worked but he was absolutely rigid about it, and she got fed up with it in the end. I think as well for you it's not just one thing (e.g. the not eating breakfast), but you've bullet pointed 4 things that taken all together are quite restrictive. I think you just need to find someone who is similar to you in that regard!

Do you not ever just have 'days off' at all?

Ragwort · 20/09/2023 08:25

I've got a friend like you and although she doesn't go on about it there is something slightly evangelical about her lifestyle ... if she comes to stay she only wants to eat an (organic) baked potato-and she will bring her own ! If we meet out she will only order a coffee (if it's the right sort of coffee) and although it shouldn't matter, I do feel slightly judged if I am tucking into a restaurant meal.
But her own DP has a very different diet so they clearly accept each other's lifestyle habits - although it's very odd relationship - but that's for another thread.
So personally I wouldn't want to date someone who had such a different diet to me, eating and drinking is a huge (literally - I am overweight Blush) part of my life ...

CurlewKate · 20/09/2023 08:26

I'd be put off by the fasting and the apple cider vinegar because it's not evidence based at all and that would annoy me. And not ever going out to eat would or experimenting with new food would put me off too! Sorry. But I am sure there are loads of people who would share your lifestyle

HeadAgainstWall0923 · 20/09/2023 08:27

Personally I couldn’t be with someone like you, not because there’s anything wrong with what you’re doing, but I would feel like you were judging me or like you thought I was ‘below you’ if I dared to have a cheesy pizza one night followed by a bit of chocolate and some sugar in my tea.

You may not verbally make someone feel judged or be outwardly critical of them, but I imagine that a lot of men would still feel uncomfortable eating normally around you.

QuickDraining · 20/09/2023 08:27

I don't think I have ever met anyone that hasn't got some kind of weird dietary habit. I was vegan 20 years back, and was treated like a pariah. And it was an issue when dating those that were not on the same wavelength. When I was dating another vegan, it wasn't an issue at all, I don't think we even ever discussed the subject throughout the relationship.

Some people look for confirmation, and approval. And zealotry can be off-putting. But looking after your own body is very attractive. To me at least.

Your habits wouldn't make me blink, though I would worry about your teeth with cider vinegar.

I know someone that had their life ruled by food. They peaked and troughed and had to eat regularly, and that was an absolute bind. Probably not through any fault of their own. People accommodate other people's habits, and you don't even notice how much in long term relationships. Because you have to, to gel along.

Your friend might not approve, doesn't mean someone else will or won't.

pictoosh · 20/09/2023 08:28

I doubt it's putting men off.

Chypre · 20/09/2023 08:29

There are plenty of men who share similar habits - runners community (ultramarathons, trail runners), triathlon/iron man crowd (competition, not Marvel movie).

AutumnCrow · 20/09/2023 08:29

I think the way you express yourself - 'suitors' for example - and the fondness for apple cider vinegar sounds a smidgen Jacob Rees-Moggish. And yes, that's a tad off-putting.

Whataretheodds · 20/09/2023 08:31

Have you tried joining special interest groups to socialise with people who eat similarly?

If you try to date conventionally then yes, not eating out is going to be more of a challenge. What happens if someone invites you for dinner?

Beezknees · 20/09/2023 08:31

It's not extremist, you just maybe haven't found someone you are compatible with yet.

I wouldn't be compatible with someone like you because I like to drink alcohol and have a mcdonalds breakfast on the weekend and I'd like someone who would enjoy that with me. But there will be plenty of men out there who follow a similar lifestyle to you.

PinkPlantCase · 20/09/2023 08:33

I’m surprised that people think not drinking as an issue. Me and my friends are late 20s/ early 30s and it’s almost 50/50 between people who drink and people who don’t. Fairly even split of men and women too.

Mushroo · 20/09/2023 08:34

I wouldn’t date you if you eat like that all the time. I try to follow similar during the week (minus the vinegar!) but not strictly.

A joy for me with a partner is going for a nice walk followed by coffee and cake, sharing a nice bottle of wine on a weekend, a Sunday roast with all the trimmings and trying out new restaurants.

If I couldn’t do the above with my partner it wouldn’t work.

Beezknees · 20/09/2023 08:35

PinkPlantCase · 20/09/2023 08:33

I’m surprised that people think not drinking as an issue. Me and my friends are late 20s/ early 30s and it’s almost 50/50 between people who drink and people who don’t. Fairly even split of men and women too.

I'm 33 and all my friends and family drink. Just depends on your social circle I suppose.

gogomoto · 20/09/2023 08:35

I can introduce you to my ex Grin. He wants a girlfriend and has become health obsessed. One careful owner (me). Being into 10k + running an advantage, must like his other obsession too, the dog (kids are adults and live with me/elsewhere , we were young parents)

disappearingfish · 20/09/2023 08:37

I would feel judged, even as a friend let alone a partner. That you "deeply believe" in this sounds like you're rigid of thinking.

I'm sure your diet is healthy, but if it stops you/your date doing things and enjoying life then yes, it would get tedious.

NorthCliffs · 20/09/2023 08:37

Didn't Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow break up because he wanted to take the kids for a burger? Maybe your potential suitors are foreseeing that level of inflexibility with your diet/beliefs.

Starseeking · 20/09/2023 08:37

As long as you don't impose it on your significant other, that shouldn't be a reason to stop you having a lasting relationship.

Saharafordessert · 20/09/2023 08:38

I think it depends on how judgemental you are of others who don’t follow your lifestyle ’rules’
As others have said, eating out is a huge part of socialising so tricky to do with someone who wouldn’t enjoy it

Original poster
healthgal · 20/09/2023 08:39

Thanks for the replies and view points.

To answer a few questions

  • ACV before a meal dampens the glucose spike from the meal and is good for health for a multitude of reasons (check out glucose goddess on Instagram if interested)
  • I will go for an occasional meal out and have an occasional glass of wine, but I think probably less than your average people
  • I don't tend to bring any of this up unless asked, and I don't think I'm judgemental towards individuals as ultimately I place most of the blame in health policies, food companies and outdated NHS approaches rather than individuals' lifestyle choices.
  • I don't need a partner to follow the same lifestyle but I wonder if my lifestyle is off putting for them? I dated a guy a few years back who was largely health focused but on a Saturday always wanted to go and get a fried breakfast at a cafe, and I think it was a real problem for him that I didn't want to go with him. (This is just one example of many similar things I've found).
  • Previous relationships have ended largely because it gets to that 'few months of seeing each other' stage where it either becomes a 'a thing' or doesn't, and it just always doesn't
OP posts: