Had a party for DS and one mum brings an extra kid along

[MadameameBeans]

We had a birthday party in our garden recently for DS (8).
Bouncy castle and food and party bags, the usual.
He chose who he wanted there (set a limit of 12-15 because the whole class would be a bit much), and we ended up with 13 who could make it.

One mum (who we don't even know) turns up with her eldest (invited) and then his younger sibling (5 or 6 ish?) in tow. And seemed to think that was totally fine to bring him along, despite him not being invited, no other siblings were there or invited.

She just turned up in the garden and said "His younger brother is tagging along. Do you want me to stay with them or can I go?" I very Britishly didn't want to cause a scene and was so shocked and embarassed that I didn't know what to say, so they stayed.

AIBU to think that that's totally out of order to just turn up and ask permission when she got there? She didn't contact me beforehand to ask if it was ok, or even drop the invited child off and then take the other one to the park around the corner. She's not a friend, hadn't even met her before!

So there was just some random younger child my DS didn't know at his party and there was the expectation from her that he would eat the party food and join in with everything.

Thankfully he was well-behaved, but him and the mum looked a bit put out when I said at the end that there were only party bags for the children that had been invited and we didn't have any spares.

Oh and to add further insult when they left and DS was opening his gifts, it turned out they had only given a card and no present!
DS said that the invited kid had handed him the card at the start of the party and said "My mum didn't get you a present because she didn't know what you like".
(because nobody could possibly guess what an 8-year-old might like - lego, or a game or chocolate or whatever. (she could have asked either of her kids what they like. What a ridiculous excuse.)

So she brings an uninvited kid to the party and then doesn't even bring a gift. Who the hell does that?!

Well no, because the birthday boy could have invited more friends but was limited to 13 kids and then there were 14. He probably would have preferred another one of his friends there.

OP: He chose who he wanted there (set a limit of 12-15 because the whole class would be a bit much), and we ended up with 13 who could make it.

I agree that the parent shouldn’t have done it but it was a party in the OP's garden, one additional child who behaved gate crashed, it’s really not that big a problem. Next time be brave enough to refuse if asked whether it’s okay.

Last year for my DC’s birthday the entire class was invited, at least 3 parents turned up with siblings, maybe more, I lost count. And this was at an event venue where we had to pay per child. But I had been warned about this happening so I had extra party bags. If the party was at home I wouldn’t mind extra children but at a venue where you have to pay for extra children it is really not done, especially as none of them had asked me in advance. Regarding no gifts, it would not bother me, honestly 30 toys from classmates was more than my child needed anyway!

I’ve dropped DC off at parties before and the parent has actually offered to have my younger DC stay as well, I declined because I felt mega rude but I think some people are more than accepting of this!

The lack of present coupled with this would annoy the shit out of me too. She obviously has zero self awareness.

Did you pay for all the extra children?

How rude of her...she has no manners..I would have told her that I didn't want younger siblings.. sorry! If you don't speak up some people are so entitled that they'll walk all over you..why is it that this sort of behaviour seems to be excused or just accepted...Good manners and tempest seem to be becoming a thing of the past..shame 😪

Respect...not tempest 🤣🤣🤣

Tbh honest, the present thing doesn't bother me as I know lots of people are hard up.

Did she have a contact number for you on the initial invite? If so, she absolutely should have checked about bringing sibling beforehand. I have had people bring siblings before due to lack of childcare, but always been with prior permission and definitely no expectation of food or party bags. She's definitely being a CF about that. (Usually it's been a soft play party and the parent has paid entrance for a sibling.)

I really wouldn't sweat it. It's supposed to be a fun occasion where you are being hospitable. It was in your garden so not a prepaid organised activity. I always cater for a handful more - random siblings or a tired Mum or two who could do with a sandwich.

Be kind.

Yes, I did.

Yes, I did.

Yes that would be petty. Why resort to behaviour that you and most others have agreed is rude? Or impolite.

I have never invited the whole class to a party, that is insane. For me a party is something you invite your child's friends to, not every Tom, Dick and Harry. Why would you invite someone your child hardly knows or your child's Bullies. Also who on earth has the money to invite 30 odd kids to a party. Thank goodness that was not common and my kid was not invited to all these parties, it gets expensive all that present buying.

Kind of YABU.

I’m honestly a bit surprised you’ve never experienced this before - my son is about to be 7 and my daughter is 3, and at both their parties in the last few years there have always been extras. Some people don’t have the cash for extra childcare. It’s kind of like expecting every child to be an only child or all parents to have nannies or GPs who can drop everything.

I would never want a child to feel unwelcome at a party, or a parent to feel like they are only welcome if they bring a gift. It’s grabby.

There is a tiiiiinnnny bit of me saying I’d never turn up to a party without a good present, and I’d never ask for a parent to pay for a soft play party place for my uninvited kid, so I kiiiind of get that you’re upset because you wouldn’t do it. However I understand that I’m not the expert on manners and it’s more important to me that kids have fun (including the birthday kid who doesn’t want to see their mum having a huff about a younger kid showing up).