Friend comment on Russell Brand situation...Not sure how to respond

[Startingagainandagain]

I was messaging a female friend this morning

I was a victim of an assault by a male so called friend last year, which she is aware of.

I mentioned in my message that some of what the victims are saying about Brand resonated so much with me.

In her response she said something in the line of ''well he took on the establishment and now they are trying to hang him''...

This really surprised me as I did not have her down for someone who would fall for that type of nonsense and I am not quite sure how to respond to her.

My view is that the man is a creep and I believe the victims 100% and I am going to struggle with staying friend with someone who would put any weight on conspiracy theories. As someone who has encountered this type of predators, I feel strongly about it all.

Do you think I am unreasonable to think this might be reason enough to distance myself?

This is someone who I have known for a year only, rather than a close, long term friend.

AIBU to cool the friendship over this and let it drift?

Russell Brand is a nobody. He's followed by 26 million fellow cranks on social media but he's just monetising idiocy, he doesn't believe any of what he's saying. The media and government don't care about Brand - what might be true, though, is that this story has been broken now to cover up something else.

And if I was a cynic, I'd say well done Russell for making himself leader of a cult of gullible conspiracy theorists - if you suspect stories of your rapey past could break, as these things have a tendency to do now, then already having set yourself up as an anti-establishment figure who speaks out against 'the man' is excellent cover. I'm just not sure he's actually that intelligent.

I think it would be naive to think that channel 4 have the victims best interests at heart. They have ratings at heart.

It is in their interest to product interesting programmes.

They often set out to take people down.

So I think the way that they do it is not fair.

I personally think the allegations are true. But
He should be looked at by the proper route - the criminal justice route

You don't need friends, you need a few close mates who love you and support you 100 per cent even when they don't

@Ilinaya

A lot of what you've quoted was part of his comedy. The comments about children and triangles was in reference to the ancient Greeks where peadophilia was common place.
It might not be funny to many people, but it's that kind of cringe/dark/gone too far comedy that appeals to some people. I don't like it, you clearly don't like it, but It's never meant to be taken out of context and British comedy would be destroyed if it was all interrogated in this way. It doesn't make someone a rapist.

Firstly, the only quote that is part of his comedy is the first one. The rest is autobiographical from his books.

Secondly, it's all vile. I don't care whether it appeals to some people. On any view it is vile to joke about raping women. It's vile to spit in a woman's face. It is vile to write about it in such a dismissive way.

Thirdly, I'm not commenting on whether or not he is a rapist. I am saying irrespective of that, this is (by his own words and behaviour) a deeply, deeply unpleasant man who behaves in a grotesquely disgusting way towards women.

I work for one of the companies involved in this discussion, but I don't work in the creative side, so am pretty clueless to be honest about how it all works.

Jesus, some of these replies are a frightening read!! Especially @Maddy70 with the fucking vile victim blaming!!

@Startingagainandagain Being friends with somebody who has different opinions or views to you is a good thing, and often makes for healthy relationships. But being friends with a r*pe apologist? Nope, no way. Absolutely get rid. And if you feel able to, then tell her why rather than letting the relationship "cool". I hope her thoughtless comments haven't affected you too badly considering your own experience. Being a survivor at times like this is especially difficult - remember to try and look after yourself as best you can. Sending love and solidarity. X

I remember the Sheffield United player Ched Evans who was falsely accused of rape and imprisoned for it. He said what happened was consensual as well.

It seems to me that everyone has RB guilty as charged by the media. Lets wait and see what happens because not everything is black and white.

As far as your friend goes OP she could have been kinder to you I agree

I think it's ok to cut off someone who, when you shared how distressing you found the commentary given your experience, chose not to focus on your feelings but on Brand's supposed witch hunt.
The correct response was to ask you if you were okay and if you need anything or needed to talk.

yes you are being unreasonable. This situation and your situation are unrelated. There is absolutely no proof that he is a rapist. These girls could be paid stooges. He's been very political and loud about his opinions and there is a big possibility this is utter rubbish.

I believe everything the women have said. I also believe he is no longer that same person he was then and there may very well be some sort of hidden agenda that means he is being targeted now.

Do I feel bad for him? No.

Do I think it's right that he should be made to pay for any alleged crimes he's committed? Hell yes.

The fact that there may be some political agenda now does not trump the experiences of those women and I would definitely lose respect for anyone that thought differently.

It’s one thing having friends with different viewpoints but those suggesting OP stick with the friendship and just enjoy a bit of good old healthy debate seem to be missing the point that this issue is not just another talking point for the OP- it is deeply personal to her.

Surely everyone has some boundaries when it comes to friendships? it’s one thing to disagree over how much of a twat Boris is, or which countries handled COVID the best way, but a SA victim is very obviously going to have reservations about remaining friends with someone who is insinuating that they don’t believe victims’ testimony.

OP was explaining to her friend how this stuff resonates with her as she was recently assaulted.

If you think the friend's response was ok then I'd hate to be your friend.

@JuliusWho

''The idea of Russell Brand being some sort of threat to The Establishment, which motivated ‘them’ to go after him, is all a bit nuts to me.''

This! absolutely.

Someone like Carole Vorderman is a much bigger and effective critic of the current government that Brand could ever dream to be.

I never thought of him as any kind of threat to the establishment. He was just a clown that attracted the type of people who might also like Andrew Tate and be anti-vaccine, so the margins rather than your average voter/consumer.

His public profile was limited with the general public at this stage so I really don't think he was on anyone's radar as a ''threat''.

This is just the story he is spinning. Same as A Tate. They brand themselves as freedom fighters when really they are just vile individuals.

I think it's pretty disgusting that some conspiracy nuts choose to post on this thread.

My sympathy for what you went through, OP. YANBU.

We do not know the truth here. No I would not cool a friendship over this. It is normal and interesting to have different (respectful) opinions on things.

Utterly callous.

This!

And the best thing to read today is Marina Hyde's column in the guardian where she reflects on her own reaction to Brand's misdeeds in the past.

Being a survivor is difficult because the commentary around these issues is so poor.

@Startingagainandagain

💐 As someone else commented.. You can't control others opinions but when someone shows you who they are believe them.
It's really insensitive of your friend to talk like that knowing what you've been through.. I don't know her but if you feel she's worth a second chance then let her know how hurtful her opinion is.

To everyone saying that people are entitled to their own opinion.. True but to me it's the same as believing 9/11 was a hoax and actually voicing that opinion to a friend who had a family member on the plane.. Lots of people think that it was a setup but you wouldn't walk around Newyork spouting it out.. Because it's insensitive and hurtful just like ops friend has been to her.

I cannot believe that Channel 4 would agree to show a programme to cover something else up.

I agree with the rest of this comment, however.

What possible connection could any of this have to politics?? 🤯

Rape and SA can be very nebulous concepts to grasp. It’s not at all unusual for people who have been victims to struggle, for years, to recognise that what happened was in fact rape. I’ve experienced that myself, and seen that play out on threads over and over in relationships.

But it’s also hard sometimes for people to grasp the unpredictable malevolence of the world and our minds have psychological defences to shield us (the Just world Hypothesis and Classic Attribution Error are two obvious ones)

She may also be clumsily trying to redirect you from a painful topic, or feeling out of her depth dealing with your issue. It sounds like you need some support in this and it might be better to seek out a professional rather than leaning on a friendship.

exactly. all this rape apologist crap is nonsense. he's not a convicted rapist.

Personally I don’t cut off friends based on their beliefs or opinions, unless they bang on and become boring. I judge people on their actions. I used to be more rash when I was younger but over time I’ve realised that people are complex and life is more interesting if the people around you don’t agree with everything you say.

The OPs post though is about her friendship. In this case i would expect a friend to put my feelings before their views. The friend could have held back on her personal view on n this occasion and instead she could have acknowledged that such events must be hard for the OP to read about given what happened and offer empathy and support. It takes nothing to do that and she's not compromising herself, she's putting her friends feelings first.

Wow. Some serious victim blaming there.