Page 3 | Friend comment on Russell Brand situation...Not sure how to respond

Startingagainandagain · 2023-09-19T11:05:09+00:00

I was messaging a female friend this morning I was a victim of an assault by a male so called friend last year, which she is aware of. I mentioned in my message that some of what the victims are saying about Brand resonated so much with me. In her response she said something in the line of ''well he took on the establishment and now they are trying to hang him''... This really surprised me as I did not have her down for someone who would fall for that type of nonsense and I am not quite sure how to respond to her. My view is that the man is a creep and I believe the victims 100% and I am going to struggle with staying friend with someone who would put any weight on conspiracy theories. As someone who has encountered this type of predators, I feel strongly about it all. Do you think I am unreasonable to think this might be reason enough to distance myself? This is someone who I have known for a year only, rather than a close, long term friend. AIBU to cool the friendship over this and let it drift?

borninthe80esss · 19/09/2023 16:07

I've been in this situation.. I find peoples
Comments around rape very triggering and the shit I've read over the weekend has been disgusting. I don't tell many people about my experiences with rape but when I've heard comments like what your describing it makes me completely back off.. With me it's luckily never happened with a real friend more work colleagues who before I'd heard there opinions I'd be more friendly but once I've heard it I will be civil and that's it.
It goes to against my own moral code and I don't think I should have to tell my rape story.. More that people should educate themselves on the statistics of rape before they spout their ignorance.
Maybe message your friend and say .. Im aware that you know I'm a victim of SA so why did you think it was acceptable to talk like that around me. Or chalk her down as an insensitive cow and make nicer friends.

anotherside · 19/09/2023 16:08

One thing I don’t get about Brand is that anyone you speak to will describe him as a bit of an oddball and creepy, dirty looking, foul mouthed etc - even people who are/were fans of his standup/channel. And yet the guy has consensually slept with literally 100s of women. So what gives. Just fame/power as the ultimate aphrodisiac?

Begsthequestion · 19/09/2023 16:08

FeigningConcern · 19/09/2023 14:47

This.

Cutting a (presumably) good friend off because of difference of opinion is ridiculous imo. She may change her opinion over coming weeks or you may be able to get her to see another point of view. Or she may continue to hold a different view but that's people and her prerogative.

I have a friend who believes in conspiracy theories. She doesn't bang on about them but when she brings them up I give her an alternative viewpoint. If everyone cut her off that didn't agree with her she'd end up in an echo chamber.

Having friends that only ever agree with you leads to similar and the issues we have currently with entrenched views and people being completely unable to countenance differing viewpoints. Whatever happened to passionate debate amongst friends!

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Some of us have better things to do than hang out and "passionately debate" with rape apologists and conspiracy theorists though. And that's ok.

My life is not a sixth form debate club.

Ramalangadingdong · 19/09/2023 16:09

Bananaanaana · 19/09/2023 14:12

Personally I don’t cut off friends based on their beliefs or opinions, unless they bang on and become boring. I judge people on their actions. I used to be more rash when I was younger but over time I’ve realised that people are complex and life is more interesting if the people around you don’t agree with everything you say.

For me, that would be one complexity too far.

If you have been the victim of an assault and have to listen to your friend banging on about a rapist’s innocence then it’s time to back out of the relationship.

Fairyliz · 19/09/2023 16:09

Bananaanaana · 19/09/2023 14:12

Personally I don’t cut off friends based on their beliefs or opinions, unless they bang on and become boring. I judge people on their actions. I used to be more rash when I was younger but over time I’ve realised that people are complex and life is more interesting if the people around you don’t agree with everything you say.

I agree. Sometimes people open their mouths and rubbish comes out because they haven’t really thought it through.
Whats your friend like generally? Are they kind, supportive a decent person? If so give her a chance and perhaps discuss it calmly at a later date.

truthhurts23 · 19/09/2023 16:10

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Bristolnewcomer · 19/09/2023 16:11

Maddy70 · 19/09/2023 16:01

Both may be true. Every single female that went to his place knew what was in the press , knew he was a narcissist and a misogynist but the lure of power and fame is intoxicating. They went willingly by their own admission. What happened after that is subjective and for the courts not speculation He has also put himself in a position in the media where they want him shut down.

No way would I have gone back to his room . I was in those circles at the time, But you didn't need to be. Every paper carried stories of his promiscuity and misogyny and he was very vocal publicly about it.

Choices were made there

I doubt 16 year olds or people living in the US (some of the alleged victims) for example were poring over the daily UK papers in case there was a write up on someone they'd met.

You knew these things BECAUSE you were in "those circles", but to assume that everyone knew what you knew and also followed the press you read on him is really unjustified.

FancyFanny · 19/09/2023 16:12

Why should we believe the women without question? I don't think anyone can know the truth until a full trial. It's irrelevant whether you believe the women or you believe Russel brand. Both could be liars.

SirQuintusAureliusMaximus · 19/09/2023 16:15

@Startingagainandagain Tell your friend to read some of the things that Russell Brand has ACTUALLY SAID HIMSELF

He is an utterly vile individual and I can't begin to understand why anyone would marry him and choose to have children with him. You can only think that they never read anything about him because he was openly stating he was an deeply unpleasant misogynist. And yes it is possible to be deeply promiscuous without being unpleasant or misogynistic. Imagine having this man as your father. those poor children.

There's lots of it out there but here are some:

https://inews.co.uk/news/russell-brand-in-own-words-comedian-books-stand-up-shows-mistreatment-women-2623607

https://metro.co.uk/2023/09/18/russell-brand-joked-raping-someone-resurfaced-clip-19516885/

As the audience fell silent, Brand said ‘oh I’ve raped someone once’ and ‘killed her after’ to which Herring and the audience laughed.
He then went on to joke about the ancient Greeks having sex with children during the creation of mathematics, going as far as to mimic the act.

From his books:

“As I escorted Michaela [a lap dancer who slapped him after sex] through the front door, I felt very strongly that I needed to avenge the slap . . . I spat in her face.” – My Booky Wook

“This girl was a sorry, fair-weather excuse for a prostitute … then the phone rings again, and I, and this is the worst act of misogyny I’ve committed since the spitting debacle, took the phone out of her hand and threw it at the wall.” – My Booky Wook

“What kind of man was I? Treating women in this way? If this is what I’m telling you, can you imagine what’s being left out?” – Booky Wook 2

“I estimate that 80 per cent of women are up for threesomes if you handle the negotiation carefully.” – Booky Wook 2

“Lesley Douglas [the former BBC radio controller] was incredibly tolerant of my behaviour at Radio 2. If you listen to old 6 Music podcasts, you will notice that all the competition winners that came into the studio while we broadcast as a prize were female. This is because there was an additional aspect to the prize which could never be explicitly stated due to the BBC’s rigid policy prohibiting the misuse of the disabled lavvy.” – Booky Wook 2

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-12528747/Russell-Brand-holiday-prostitute-father.html

How Russell Brand's own books and stand-up routines detailed his mistreatment of women

The comedian denies all accusations of rape, sexual assault and emotional abuse made by several women

https://inews.co.uk/news/russell-brand-in-own-words-comedian-books-stand-up-shows-mistreatment-women-2623607

pickledandpuzzled · 19/09/2023 16:15

Whatever anyone believes, it's ok for OP to be distressed about the current coverage.

A good friend would offer compassion, not conspiracy theories.

Honestly why would OP care what any of you believe. All that matters is how you respond to a friend telling you they're upset.

JuliusWho · 19/09/2023 16:15

The idea of Russell Brand being some sort of threat to The Establishment, which motivated ‘them’ to go after him, is all a bit nuts to me. He’s just one of many who make a social media platform sharing popular conspiracy theories. It’s not like he has some sort of special insight or access, just shares somewhat popular opinions.

Maddy70 · 19/09/2023 16:16

Bristolnewcomer · 19/09/2023 16:11

I doubt 16 year olds or people living in the US (some of the alleged victims) for example were poring over the daily UK papers in case there was a write up on someone they'd met.

You knew these things BECAUSE you were in "those circles", but to assume that everyone knew what you knew and also followed the press you read on him is really unjustified.

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These people were in these circles or were groupies of him so definitely knew about him.

I won't get in car without wearing a seat belt because I know the risks. He's a repugnant individual but every knew at the time and knows it now, if anything his reputation has improved over time.

These allegations go back. They knew ..... and so did everyone else that picked up a paper, watched an interview or went to see a show of his

ruffler45 · 19/09/2023 16:17

Lots of people have a popular public life and a very different private life.

Wait for the judge and jury to sort it out if and when any charges are brought.

The world loves a media lynch mob.

squareyedannie · 19/09/2023 16:19

WTF did he take on the establishment?
That's how he makes his money.

anotherside · 19/09/2023 16:19

IMO his various employers/associates probably new Brand was a bit of a wrong’un for a long time (whether he has genuinely changed the past few years as he claims I’ve no idea). I do suspect the fact that he set up a successful YouTube channel which was constantly taking potshots against the “lies of the mainstream media” may have been the straw that broke the camels back so to speak. As in “hey this guy was always an asshole, but we tolerated him for viewing figures - but now not only is he not working for us he’s actually talking crap about us! Let’s do some investigating…”

The vast majority of journalists are either working for a political narrative (that suits the agenda of the paper/channel) or working for clicks or, preferably, both simulatansously. It’s exceedingly rare that they will pursue a story “altruistically”. So in that the friend has a point, though I’d contest he took on the establishment in any way. Closer would be - he was a slight annoyance who they now shut up and monetised for their own gain.

borninthe80esss · 19/09/2023 16:21

@Maddy70

LOL!! Have a word with yourself!!

That's like saying.. Women know men like blowjobs yet they walk around with mouths anyway.. what do they expect.

Russell Brand being a misogynist arsehole who liked to shag about doesn't give him the right to sexually assault and rape women even if they are sat on his bed.

His disgusting actions are on him and him only.

Original poster

Startingagainandagain · 19/09/2023 16:22

@pollo8 ·

' Hmmm. Can't say I'm a fan of ditching people just because their views don't align perfectly with mine.'

Well, it isn't that simple.

Being a victim of sexual assault myself adds another layer to this.

People are perfectly entitled to have different views, but I have an issue with finding excuses for predators...that is not a view that I can accept.

OP posts:

Begsthequestion · 19/09/2023 16:22

Fairyliz · 19/09/2023 16:09

I agree. Sometimes people open their mouths and rubbish comes out because they haven’t really thought it through.
Whats your friend like generally? Are they kind, supportive a decent person? If so give her a chance and perhaps discuss it calmly at a later date.

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The "friend" is the kind of person described in the op.

A shitty one who would rather spout conspiracy nonsense to excuse an abusive celebrity, than stfu for one moment to comfort her recently assaulted friend.

Ilinaya · 19/09/2023 16:24

SirQuintusAureliusMaximus · 19/09/2023 16:15

@Startingagainandagain Tell your friend to read some of the things that Russell Brand has ACTUALLY SAID HIMSELF

He is an utterly vile individual and I can't begin to understand why anyone would marry him and choose to have children with him. You can only think that they never read anything about him because he was openly stating he was an deeply unpleasant misogynist. And yes it is possible to be deeply promiscuous without being unpleasant or misogynistic. Imagine having this man as your father. those poor children.

There's lots of it out there but here are some:

https://inews.co.uk/news/russell-brand-in-own-words-comedian-books-stand-up-shows-mistreatment-women-2623607

https://metro.co.uk/2023/09/18/russell-brand-joked-raping-someone-resurfaced-clip-19516885/

As the audience fell silent, Brand said ‘oh I’ve raped someone once’ and ‘killed her after’ to which Herring and the audience laughed.
He then went on to joke about the ancient Greeks having sex with children during the creation of mathematics, going as far as to mimic the act.

From his books:

“As I escorted Michaela [a lap dancer who slapped him after sex] through the front door, I felt very strongly that I needed to avenge the slap . . . I spat in her face.” – My Booky Wook

“This girl was a sorry, fair-weather excuse for a prostitute … then the phone rings again, and I, and this is the worst act of misogyny I’ve committed since the spitting debacle, took the phone out of her hand and threw it at the wall.” – My Booky Wook

“What kind of man was I? Treating women in this way? If this is what I’m telling you, can you imagine what’s being left out?” – Booky Wook 2

“I estimate that 80 per cent of women are up for threesomes if you handle the negotiation carefully.” – Booky Wook 2

“Lesley Douglas [the former BBC radio controller] was incredibly tolerant of my behaviour at Radio 2. If you listen to old 6 Music podcasts, you will notice that all the competition winners that came into the studio while we broadcast as a prize were female. This is because there was an additional aspect to the prize which could never be explicitly stated due to the BBC’s rigid policy prohibiting the misuse of the disabled lavvy.” – Booky Wook 2

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-12528747/Russell-Brand-holiday-prostitute-father.html

A lot of what you've quoted was part of his comedy. The comments about children and triangles was in reference to the ancient Greeks where peadophilia was common place.
It might not be funny to many people, but it's that kind of cringe/dark/gone too far comedy that appeals to some people. I don't like it, you clearly don't like it, but It's never meant to be taken out of context and British comedy would be destroyed if it was all interrogated in this way. It doesn't make someone a rapist.

anotherside · 19/09/2023 16:25

@JuliusWho

Yes and no. He wasn’t “taking on The Establishment” - but he was proving to be an extremely popular source of “non-mainstream” news: ie a one man band who was getting ratings as good as some legacy media organisations employing 100s of people. IMO there does seem to be a general trend re. making life as difficult as possible for these “one man band” outfits once they reach a certain level of popularity. Of course in this instance Brand has no one to blame for his loss of income (and possibly freedom) than himself.

VickyEadieofThigh · 19/09/2023 16:25

lemmein · 19/09/2023 12:13

Both can be true.

He can be both a predator and a problematic gobshite with millions of followers.

I absolutely believe those women; I also believe if RB was just still telling 'jokes' and not poking his nose into the grubbiness of world affairs we wouldn't know the women's stories.

I don't think he's the least bit problematic to the establishment, who can ignore him comfortably without it making any difference.

He's simply an obnoxious gobshite who has got away with a LOT.

Begsthequestion · 19/09/2023 16:27

Ilinaya · 19/09/2023 16:24

A lot of what you've quoted was part of his comedy. The comments about children and triangles was in reference to the ancient Greeks where peadophilia was common place.
It might not be funny to many people, but it's that kind of cringe/dark/gone too far comedy that appeals to some people. I don't like it, you clearly don't like it, but It's never meant to be taken out of context and British comedy would be destroyed if it was all interrogated in this way. It doesn't make someone a rapist.

Show quote history

Sorry I think you missed this part:

"As I escorted Michaela [a lap dancer who slapped him after sex] through the front door, I felt very strongly that I needed to avenge the slap . . . I spat in her face.” – My Booky Wook

“This girl was a sorry, fair-weather excuse for a prostitute … then the phone rings again, and I, and this is the worst act of misogyny I’ve committed since the spitting debacle, took the phone out of her hand and threw it at the wall.” – My Booky Wook

“What kind of man was I? Treating women in this way? If this is what I’m telling you, can you imagine what’s being left out?” – Booky Wook 2

He also described how he sexually assaulted a teenager as part of his comedy act.

The man is telling you who he is. Listen.

JoinInBetty · 19/09/2023 16:27

She's entitled to her own thoughts and opinions just as you are. Just because we don't agree or like what they say doesn't mean you should distance yourself. Just keep Brand out of your conversations.

FixItUpChappie · 19/09/2023 16:29

Why do you need to respond? Neither of you actually know what is true or not about it and you don't need to agree about everything to be friends. She is entitled to her own views. I would say just avoid the topic if it bothers you.

Original poster

Startingagainandagain · 19/09/2023 16:29

@borninthe80esss

''I've been in this situation.. I find peoples
Comments around rape very triggering and the shit I've read over the weekend has been disgusting.''

I think that is it.

I found the whole things really reminded me of the person who assaulted me as he was someone who was in my circle of friends, was outwardly charming, intelligent, in a very responsible job but behind close door was an abuser of women and a narcissist.

So watching the programme was really awful and I did not even manage to get to the end of it.

Probably people who have not been in that situation (meeting this type of predator) don't get the impact it can have on your life.

OP posts: