Friend comment on Russell Brand situation...Not sure how to respond

[Startingagainandagain]

I was messaging a female friend this morning

I was a victim of an assault by a male so called friend last year, which she is aware of.

I mentioned in my message that some of what the victims are saying about Brand resonated so much with me.

In her response she said something in the line of ''well he took on the establishment and now they are trying to hang him''...

This really surprised me as I did not have her down for someone who would fall for that type of nonsense and I am not quite sure how to respond to her.

My view is that the man is a creep and I believe the victims 100% and I am going to struggle with staying friend with someone who would put any weight on conspiracy theories. As someone who has encountered this type of predators, I feel strongly about it all.

Do you think I am unreasonable to think this might be reason enough to distance myself?

This is someone who I have known for a year only, rather than a close, long term friend.

AIBU to cool the friendship over this and let it drift?

You could re-write her reply as "well, he's left-wing, therefore he's cool and can't do anything wrong." Narcissists and attention-seekers seem drawn to left-wing politics. I remember people like Brand at university – mindlessly regurgitating the liberal-left view on every issue, pretending to be angry and outraged all the time. Nobody pays attention to a pragmatic, skeptical centrist.

Nobody 100% knows either way. I'd say these women are telling the truth, but it's not an absolute so I think having a different opinion about it is OK. Not something to end a friendship over.

Brand is an outspoken guy whose made a lot of enemies. There’s a lot of powerful people who use “stories “ to bury news stories that are embarrassing to the conservatives.

I expect the allegations are true but whilst I'm not a 'conspiracy theorist' who funded a 4 year investigation and why?

Your friend is an idiot. To herself and to you. I would just avoid this conversation and think carefully if you like her company

I am not convinced either way. I think the chances are these women are telling the truth but I cannot be sure.
The reason for this is because he has openly slept with thousands of women and was known for pursuing women just for sex, so in my mind there will be at least a few, probably more than a few that are angry and vengeful, and also money in it for coming forward with a story.
I believe he was misogynistic (clearly!) And a creep and inappropriate, and lots of other nasty adjectives, but I cannot be sure he is a rapist without sitting on a jury, and even then it isn't easy to know. It certainly isn't possible to know based on some accounts of people whose names we aren't even aware of, without ever hearing two sides to the story.
'Believe all women' sounds great until your son, or husband or father or friend is accused of something they didnt do. I think it's important to keep an open mind, and it doesn't make some a rape apologist, or anti feminist or any of those other terms that are used to silence people with an alternative viewpoint.

Yanbu. I think the best response would be to either block or simply, ‘Goodbye’.

This is a good point. Broadcasters don't do it because they 'care'.
They would have known the programme would make them a lot of money, but not enough to fund the research. Who funded it? I would genuinely like to know, and I work in the media and am still clueless. Anyone know?

Is she a rape apologist though if she doesn't believe him to actually be a rapist?

I think having a difference of opinion with a friend generally speaking is fine. But you mention that you have been a victim of sexual assault yourself, so it sounds like her views are a trigger for you rather than something you can just ignore and move on from. Maybe ask her to clarify what she means though? She may believe the women but see it as the people industry that essentially enabled him is out to hang him now?

I suspect that this is exactly what is happening.

Oh OP that’s really shit.

Im so sorry.

As a fellow survivor, times like this are very hard - but you can’t control other people’s opinions and, well, as my mum says - when people show you who they are, believe them.

@lemmein has it. Yes he did it but if he wasn't spouting these views on YouTube then this would still be an open secret.

Meh. If I ditched everyone whose opinion I didn't agree with, I'd have no friends at all. Your friend is entitled to her opinion and seems odd to lose a friend because you don't agree with her.

Regardless of how bad it looks, RB hasn't yet been charged/convicted of any crime - that doesn't necessarily make someone an apologist or conspiracy nut, it can just means they are waiting to see the results of a proper police investigation.

Both may be true. Every single female that went to his place knew what was in the press , knew he was a narcissist and a misogynist but the lure of power and fame is intoxicating. They went willingly by their own admission. What happened after that is subjective and for the courts not speculation He has also put himself in a position in the media where they want him shut down.

No way would I have gone back to his room . I was in those circles at the time, But you didn't need to be. Every paper carried stories of his promiscuity and misogyny and he was very vocal publicly about it.

Choices were made there

It’s a bit different to having a friend that is a Tory for example. Did you read the op? Do you understand that she was assaulted?

Really? If you work in the media you should know that investigative journalists/programmes often follow stories for years before being able to publish/broadcast. They work on lots of stories at once because they don't always know when they'll get to a point where they feel they have enough info/evidence/witnesses to avoid being taken straight to court by the person or organisation being accused. Some stories come together quickly and others take a long, long time. Investigative programmes and papers fund their journalists to do this work or they'd never have anything to put on the telly/in the paper.

@Maddy70 yeah, let’s blame the victims. They had a choice!

This is what I think too.

Maybe the OP wants to clarify with her friend whether she thinks like us - that the concerted effort to have his social media blocked and reputation tarnished is primarily politically driven, or if she also thinks the women are lying. Because that might make a difference as to how she feels about it.

@Gnomegnomegnome I fail to see the relevance tbh. The OPs personal experience is awful but has no bearing on the RB situation.

Yes he did it but if he wasn't spouting these views on YouTube then this would still be an open secret

Agree. But in the end his own history has come to bite him in the ass - ie he’s always been deliberately provocative, made jokes in terrible taste and obviously slept with literally 100s of women. Even assuming he isn’t a rapist, in order to do all that and NOT one day be headline news for the wrong reasons your behaviour would need to be exemplary. IE no sleeping with work colleagues, no kinky sex, no drug parties, no dumping partners by text or ghosting them when bored. I guess he thought his incorrectly assumed his celebrity and contacts would protest him from the messy fall out. And as others have suggested - perhaps it would have done - had he not set up a fairly high profile Yuotube channel which was growing by 1-2 million subscribers per year, and banging on about the vaccines, Biden, Gates, the mainstream media etc etc

Sorry OP in answer to your question you are perfectly entitled to distance yourself. But if you think she's generally nice and might listen, you could counter what she's said by saying "That's one point of view but I can tell you from my own experience that many men do behave like this and get away with it, so I believe the women who've come forward."

"Believe all women' sounds great until your son, or husband or father or friend is accused of something they didn't do. I think it's important to keep an open mind, and it doesn't make some a rape apologist, or anti feminist or any of those other terms that are used to silence people with an alternative viewpoint"

I think the above is spot on.
Not all women tell the complete truth unfortunately or have their own narrative.
I am seeing a hounding play out which is truly worrying. Where she hits out at him and screams it is him doing the abusing.

Having said that RB is a sleezeball with very questionable morals. As to a rapist, I think we need to leave that to the police and jury to decide. There have been so many complaints, his life and his career are over, there is little chance of a comeback. So that is a good thing.

Interesting. I hadn’t thought of it this way. It makes sense. Very depressing.

However it seems that op’s friend thinks only one of those things is true, so I think op should ditch her.

I wouldn’t end a friendship over that. Some of my friends have opinions that I consider outrageous and sometimes I’m the outrageous one. Who is to say you’re right? You just have the “correct” opinion on Mumsnet.