Friend comment on Russell Brand situation...Not sure how to respond

[Startingagainandagain]

I was messaging a female friend this morning

I was a victim of an assault by a male so called friend last year, which she is aware of.

I mentioned in my message that some of what the victims are saying about Brand resonated so much with me.

In her response she said something in the line of ''well he took on the establishment and now they are trying to hang him''...

This really surprised me as I did not have her down for someone who would fall for that type of nonsense and I am not quite sure how to respond to her.

My view is that the man is a creep and I believe the victims 100% and I am going to struggle with staying friend with someone who would put any weight on conspiracy theories. As someone who has encountered this type of predators, I feel strongly about it all.

Do you think I am unreasonable to think this might be reason enough to distance myself?

This is someone who I have known for a year only, rather than a close, long term friend.

AIBU to cool the friendship over this and let it drift?

The idea of Russell Brand as some sort of threat to the Murdoch Media is completely laughable. Russell Brand’s schtick (Covid and vaccine skepticism, pro-Russia) is the same stuff that Murdoch-owned Fox News pushes. Brand has appeared on, and received favourable coverage from, Fox News as recently as this year.

@ConsumerOfChestnuts

Exactly!

Different opinions are fine in principle but then I also have non-negotiables: any racist, xenophobic, sexist, misogynist and homophobic ''opinion'' is unacceptable to me.

And so is support for Brand or the suggestion that he is the victim in this...

It's not just a difference of opinion as some have mentioned, she was insensitive to your own experience. I don't think it's unreasonable to distance yourself from this friendship.

Lots of nerves here aren't there - does it not occur to some of you to be kind to your friends and either keep your opinions to yourself in some cases? Friends think about and care for each other.

Some context for those who seem to have trouble understanding why women don’t ‘just report it’

Thank you, @EmmaOvary .
Always worth showing this graphic again.

What you 'imagine' is absolute nonsense as that's just not how journalists work. But you're probably one of those conspiracy theorist types who believe random crap on social media but think all newspapers are owned by a GlOBAl LEFTwinG eliTe - like all Brand's crackpot followers - so there's no point arguing with you.

This actually isn't that uncommon of an opinion. For a public, visible example, this is something you can see on the front page of Reddit whenever rape shows up in the news because, unless the rape is violent or the victim is underaged, a not insignificant number of people see it as something not that dissimilar to having bad sex with an "ugly woman" that you later regret.

I find it amazing that anyone can use his name and the word comedian in the same breath. A sleaze bag with a shit attitude to everything and not remotely funny. I've seen a couple of his show on t.v and it was totally purile shit.

Did she say she didn't believe the women?
As a former victim, I feel a bit queasy when the alleged rape and attempted rape of other women is used as fodder for much lesser dilemmas.
I think it's breathtakingly disrespectful to drag them into AIBU threads.
You can always ask for this thread to be deleted. I doubt it's going to be helpful to anyone.

@horseyhorsey17 absolutely not at all. I just don't believe everything in the media because it's constant tripe. Nobody is correct in this situation as nothing has been proven. many of you would have him taken to the electric chair without a trial. I don't think you are right again apologies just difference of opinion

If you were a rapist, you would deserve it.

Jimmy Savile didn't go to court and wasn't convicted...

I don't understand at all why people keep saying things like why exactly did they spend so much time investigating russell brand anyway, why not report everything to the police from the off?

Because these are journalists investigating for their employer media organisationa and not a police department or part of the CPS

How can people not realise that there are thousands of women who if they were raped or sexually assaulted by anyone (famous or otherwise) would choose (and do every day choose) to not report it to the police because they don't trust the police, have no faith in the justice system (HUGE backlog of trials at the moment) and don't want to put themselves through a trial where they will be accused of being a liar?

Plus the trial backlog means this would be hanging over you for months more likely years.and you know the defendant is a rape case is likely to be acquitted.

Because it's his word against yours. Even forensic evidence will only show the fact of sex, not whether there was consent or not. The standard is beyond reasonable doubt - sure in other words. Who can really ever be sure if its his word v. hers. So you are likely to be going through a stressful hell for no reason because you won't be believed 'enough' to be sure and the assailant will walk free.

Imagine all of this and the fact your assailant is a famous celebrity. That will just compound the horror of the trial. It won't be an empty court room. It will be packed. The media interest will be huge. You are likely to be have invitiations to waive your anonymity. Your family may be approached for background in case. More fear and stress.

In most rape cases that take place in a private domestic environment without a willing complainant, there is no case. That is the evidence. So the police can't do anything if a woman is not willing to give evidence.

On the other hand, wanting to warn other women or come out as part of a group of other complainants is a way of alerting others to criminal behaviour without putting yourself through the horror of a trial.

It may not be right but it is completely understandable, if you imagine what the fear of reporting a rape would be like.

he might be

Why do the "it's all a conspiracy" people think Brand disappeared from mainstream media and films in the first place? The obvious answer is that his behaviour was already too much to ignore. And this was before he got deep into anti-establishment stuff. The MSM had already turned out him, the "truth-seeking" was just a desperate attempt to stay relevant.

Sorry you've had to experience this op. I didn't mean to sound flippant before. I have too been a victim and I expect people who are close to me to get it and be sensitive about it. My point was that he has always had a voice and wanted the rest of us to not bother expressing ours. That speaks volumes to me. My attack was years ago. I now feel string enough to take on any apologist. You might not feel strong enough yet so I'd just walk away from rhis friendship and let your friend suss it out for herself.

He would have if he hadn’t kicked the bucket.

My guess would be he probably did it (although I'd also want to see it go to trial rather than assume from the telly, etc). But then I suspect a reasonable number of powerful, rich, famous men who probably consider themselves above the law are also consistently guilty of sexual misconduct, and simply get away with it (see Epstein's flight logs). So I suppose it's not mad/conspiratorial to wonder why Brand, rather than lots of the famous people who have stayed in with the "establishment", got a big ol' documentary made about him, and at this particular point in time.

So - obviously YANBU to cool a friendship for whatever reason you like. That's fine. But I'd say it might be a bit narrow minded to assume there's NO influence of ulterior motives in making Brand less palatable. You do you. And let your friend do her.

Also, I'm very sorry about what happened to you.

He would have if he hadn’t kicked the bucket.

I doubt it. Remember it only got reported on after he was dead. There was a massive conspiracy of silence around it.

Unsure what to think? Why not try "I don't think the women are lying, but we should act as if they were"?

Unfurl your head from your backside.

You don't know that. It probably only came out because he'd kicked the bucket.

OP,
I haven’t watched anything or read anything on RB because I know it will distress me as I have been raped as well.

”investigative journalist” doesn’t mean much, they have no criminal investigative training or powers and have been wrong before. I know too that the news media can publish just about anything and get away with it as the defamation laws in this country give them extra latitude. So I don’t have confidence that RB is definitely guilty.

I hope they turn all the evidence over to the police and criminal investigations are opened up on RB. I think I saw a headline saying they would be.

So in meantime, I am just not going to take a side.

It is up to you who you stay friends with. For myself I wouldn’t bin someone who seems to be on the fence with her comment. There is nothing wrong with holding back and seeing what the professionals think about the evidence the journalists have gathered.

This really resonated with me.. For anyone who needs to hear it..

It's just something that happened.
Along time ago now.
You live with it.
Like a wasps nest in your roof.
Mostly dormant, occasionally troubling.
It's not that you've made your peace with it exactly.
More like you have your peace and it hasn't taken it away.
It is peripheral.
And then...
The news story.
The pub debate.
Discussions around the kettle in the staffroom.
Facebook comments that you know you shouldn't read.
And then ...
It's you. They are talking about you.
Or they could be.
Might as well be.
Sometimes you join the debate.
Advocating for the stranger that is really yourself.
And sometimes you slink away.
Trying to pretend you haven't seen the words, heard the devils advocacy.
Like your Own body hasn't been on trial.
And then ..
Your peace dissolves.
Just temporarily.
The lump sticks in your throat.
The weight drops into your gut.
The sour electricity returns.
You are suddenly exhausted.
Not so much by the memory itself, but by the sudden piercing clarity.
That half the world would rather believe In the myth of one man than hear the truth of a hundred women.
You read again, Why didn't they speak up sooner?
And you think...
This is why.

exactly!