To display a boudoir photograph with a child in the home?

[Notgoingononlyfansyet]

I ‘won’ one of those boudoir shoots and bought some pictures. It was just a bit of a fun, but the pictures are AMAZING. They honestly make me feel capable of anything and really brought home to me that everyday me isn’t all I can be. That with a little extra expertise and resource I can do something very, very different. It’s such a great concept to get my head around and apply in general. (Also, I look smoking hot and who doesn’t love that?!)

I really want to display some of the pictures. They aren’t tacky or sleazy. I’m wearing more that I was on the beach last month. Full Bra, brazillian pants, and a jacket in some shots. No stockings, thongs or bondage type undies. No handcuffs, but some hobby props (a hat and a book. Some pearls) She sees me naked all the time (but I respect her privacy however she prefers and I don’t brazenly wander about naked. We have dogs that open doors, it’s unavoidable, not deliberate or overtly liberal. She locks the bathroom, but will happily yell for me to get her a towel etc. All no big deal in an all girl household) But the pics are overtly sensual. I don’t have a partner and her father is permanently out of the picture for over than a decade. I do sometimes date and she knows about that in age appropriate detail.

My biggest concern is that she will connect it with my dating (which is fairly new and not unconnected in that both are because I feel more sexy than I have for years) but it’s not that dating leads to needing to change to be attractive for dates. It’s feeling more attractive and exploring that through dating AND how I present myself now I have a bit more freedom from lone parenting. How much do I share?! Is it creepy? Is it tacky, even though the pic itself isn’t? Or is it empowering and celebrating myself? (I could have one without my face in and make put it’s not me, but that seems even weirder!)

I’m not going to hang it in the sitting room, but she’ll see it often in my room. So will her friends as they come in and out of her room, because the only blank wall faces the door and our dogs open the door. We’ll have to have at least a chat about not telling my mother/all the neighbours/the greengrocer’s cat about it, what to say to her friends and not to let them photograph it! I just don’t think she’ll get it. I wouldn’t have got it at her age. (I wouldn’t have got it 12 months ago!). Is it unreasonable to expect her to get it with the right framing or should I wait? Until
when?!

All views welcome, but be polite! (Apologies for length, I’m thinking out loud)

Society is not responsible for your child. There is a difference between a child being exposed to something sexual and being exposed to it by their parent.

I am beginning to question your sincerity. Perhaps you didn't grasp your own feelings about the photos when you began the thread, but now that you have identified them, to continue to argue the point is alarming.

Also, I sincerely doubt anyone who is using an internet forum when they say that items they cannot see do not exist. How on earth did you arrive here on Mumsnet?

You've only got to watch TV to know how teenage boys think. Will's Mum (Inbetweeners) and Stifler's Mum (American Pie). You don't need to encourage teenagers to take the piss out of each other. A sexy photo of someone's Mum would be classed as hilarious to them.

Same. None of my three (youngest is 14) have seen me undressed since they were toddlers. That's what robes and locks on bedroom doors are for.

They show me things I did not know I could do

You say this about the photos. What things are you referring to?

1. you are confident in your body and skin, they hate that

** I suspect OP lost a fair bit of sympathy when she said other people’s boudoir pictures were a bit duff but hers were amazing. You can be confident in your own skin without putting others down or comparing yourself to them.

If I were debating whether or not to put up a picture I’d painted and I’d said “I’ve seen other people’s paintings and they’re pretty average but I’m absolutely blown away by mine” then I’d expect a bit of criticism for that.

I posted I on about page four that I am no longer proposing to hang the picture.

You only have to read the OP’s user name to know point two is bullshit.

This is what I am wondering too. OP keeps mentioning untapped potential and the ability of these photos to remind her of all the things she could excel at that she doesn’t know about yet. I get how photos like this might make you feel good about yourself, but I’m not sure about talking about looking “smoking hot” in underwear as though it’s a skill…?

A large number of people are upset that other people’s children may see it. I’m not their mum.

Fuck me. This bloody thread!

OP you deserve a medal for tolerating the nasty (and from some I suspect, jealous because they’d look a dogs arse if they had a boudoir shoot) uptight as fuck and downright crazy (child abuse - hahaha) comments on here.

Some of you lot have serious issues. I’m sorry if you’re not happy with how you look but actually a 13yo who has a body confident mum who says “I’m so confident I’m displaying my amazing pictures in my room” will be the very opposite of damaged. More people like the OP please! Your own DDs WILL pick up on the pearl clutchery and they won’t like it and it won’t serve them well

Lol at a picture of woman in bra knickers and a jacket being labelled as ‘graphic pornography’ 🤣

I have painting in my house in the walls of tits. Gorgeous paintings I’ve had for years. My kids’ mates see them and giggle but that’s it if they don’t like it then they can get over it. And if they tell people - we’ll I’m sure I’ve had worse said by better people!

Excellent post

I’m not sure about talking about looking “smoking hot” in underwear as though it’s a skill…?

I disagree.

For my age I have a great body and I work hard to get it.

Notgoingononlyfansyet
Given I've not commented at all about my views on boudoir shoots and have said nothing about filters, make up or anything like that, I'm not sure what you'd be looking for from me as a a reply on most of your response 🤷‍♀️

Sexy photos aren't the same as wedding photos. It's sort of obvious. Just like holiday photos or photos of a children's birthday party are not the same as a photoshoot designed around adult sexuality.

Ultimately you say take the child out of the equation, and then try to take the sexy side out of the equation, but the child is a central part of the equation when discussing whether or not to display sexy photos or not.

It’s different because:

you are confident in your body and skin, they hate that
because you are doing something that’s not for the male gaze, they hate that too,
Neither of those things are true in my case.

Just happen to think that whatever adults do as part of nurturing their sexy side and sexuality is not something that should be displayed around children.

Men, women, whatever can do any photo shoot they want to. The images don't need to be displayed around children. If the idea of not having sexy photos on display around children was causing the adult to feel down about it or less empowered or like they're being shamed, my gut instinct is to wonder why.

BTW here are some examples of a boudoir shoot with jacket or a top included

Frankly I see less clothes on women on the school run. Let go of those pearls ladies!

Just happen to think that whatever adults do as part of nurturing their sexy side and sexuality is not something that should be displayed around children.

I agree - but that’s not what’s happening here. OP did not invite her DD to watch her have the photos taken. OP is entitled to her private space ie her bedroom, which is where she wishes to hang this picture. So by YOUR reckoning if you have sex in your house and/or keep sex toys etc in the house, that’s displaying your sexuality around children if they live in your house. Right?

I wouldn't pay money for those. They're hardly boudoir photos. I've had sexier pictures took with my friends. I posted a more realistic one which was very sexy and the woman looked gorgeous. You can't say other woman don't like themselves because they don't think their teenager wants to see them looking seductive. Nobody is jealous. I've got some lovely photos of myself.

My Son definitely doesn't think I'm old fashioned or prudish. We talk very open, We do respect each others privacy.

No because the sex toys would be kept in a drawer and the sex would be behind closed doors and not visible to kids

Exactly my point - the OP Wants to put her picture in her bedroom ie her own space where her teen shouldn’t be anyway

I have never said it was a skill, I have acknowledged the level of help I had. I said it reminds me I can do things I don’t know about yet, because it was such a surprise to me and it reflects how I feel. I have lots of skills that took a lot more work. Mostly, they weren’t a surprise. I know can manage lots of things if put the effort in. This isn’t like that for me.

Why can’t I feel how I want about it? Why can’t I be proud of a wide range of skills and achievements? Why must I be pigeonholed into dowdy-and-desperate-for-male-gaze mum, and nothing I say to the contrary about my own feelings is valid? Why does everyone here get to have their own feelings about these pictures, but also not accept mine? There’s so much hypocrisy.

Most married people are proud of their wedding day and have pictures that involved just as much, likely more, preparation and help. And no one is applying the same arguments. They had hair and make up, those photos will be edited by professionals. Getting married isn’t a skill. They look different to their everyday selves. Yet no one is sneering at the way people like and display those pictures, and feel good when they see them, are they?

So, the pose I personally found one of the hardest is this seated one. I have heels on in mine and one leg raised, though. It was SO HARD. My quads still ache.

The one I was (and am now not) considering putting on the wall is similar to this bum one. I’m wearing M and S granny pants, so much less skin, and holding my embroidery in one hand, with the other on my hip. It makes me laugh, embroidery being not very sexy. But it looks good and it’s very me. You wouldn’t look twice if you saw it on the back of a bus. It’s exactly the sort of thing you see in a sloggi advert (and it was also very, very hard!) some are more evocatively posed, some less.

I wouldn't pay money for those.

And?

Is not about wether you would pay for them but it’s about pearl clutchers panicking about ‘graphic pornography’ when clearly it’s not

It's not an excellent post. You are looking for boudoir photos where the women are wearing more clothes than I wear to go shopping in Summer just to prove a point. The most undressed I want my Sons mates to see me in are shorts and a vest top. They don't need to see me in my underwear (which is what good boudoir photos are).

But she has literally said her child and potentially her child's friends will be able to see this picture by simply walking past her bedroom door. If her daughters friends see that picture, intentionally or accidently, it will be social suicide for her daughter.

Have you not read all the posts? She says she can not a find part of her wall in her bedroom that won't be visible if the dog opened the door. How about putting them on the inside of the door? Problem solved.

I know what you mean OP about doing things you didn’t think possible. A friend of mine had a facial disfigurement due to an accident as a child, she also has a prosthetic eye. Her sister bought her a boudoir shoot for her 30th. The pictures were amazing and it really boosted her confidence (they weren’t photoshopped either at my friend’s request to keep it real). It made her realise she never thought she’d be sexy, but the results said otherwise. She has no kids but had them hanging in her living room of her leaning forward, elbow on knee and hand on her chin so you can’t actually see anything except her lovely face and the stunning backdrop. And her legs of course 😂