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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should i let 13 year old dd wear false lashes to school?

258 replies

EyelashConundrum · 17/09/2023 20:44

Dd is 13, and has started wearing stick on lashes to school. They are not super heavy spidery ones, but they do change the way her eyes look. She bought them with her own money in town with friends.

Im really torn between letting her wear them (school allows it, all her friends wear them and she obviously wants to fit in, she's 13 and is trying to find her own style, etc).

But then false eyelashes just seem so unnecessary for 13 year olds who are going to spend the day sitting in maths and geography. And my heart breaks that modern beauty standards make her feel the need to conform and wear this level of adornment.

Its a choice between being the authoritarian mother who forbids it because its just excessive in my opinion. But equally i remember being 13 and arguing with my parents that my thick orange foundation was an absolute necessity and they couldn't possibly understand what its like to be a teenager.

Ive allowed voting

YABU - Let her wear them. Its not doing any harm, doesn't disrupt her learning and helps her to feel confident.

YANBU - Absolutely no way should i let my 13 year old leave the house wearing these ridiculous things.

OP posts:
Johnisafckface · 18/09/2023 06:16

meh, if she’s a good student and respectful I would let her. As long as they aren’t the overly thick ones .

Rolypolyup · 18/09/2023 06:29

I'd be interested to know what age children these parents replying to this post have. The ones saying pick your battles definitely have teenagers and appreciate how things work.
Let her be, she will soon have enough of them as they are quite annoying but the more you say no and the school allow then the more likely she will go behind your back and put them on at school anyway. It's not a big deal. What are your concerns with it? If the school said no then I'd say no as it's the rule.

MotherOfDragonflies · 18/09/2023 06:32

Rolypolyup · 18/09/2023 06:29

I'd be interested to know what age children these parents replying to this post have. The ones saying pick your battles definitely have teenagers and appreciate how things work.
Let her be, she will soon have enough of them as they are quite annoying but the more you say no and the school allow then the more likely she will go behind your back and put them on at school anyway. It's not a big deal. What are your concerns with it? If the school said no then I'd say no as it's the rule.

Mine are 16 and 18. I say let her get on with it

LetMeEnfoldYou · 18/09/2023 06:41

iminvestednow · 17/09/2023 23:56

Not allowed in our school but to be honest it’s only the kids that are doomed to fail do it. They can’t compete academically or probably in natural looks so seek other forms of attention. My kid is bright and pretty. She doesn’t need anything else. It may make her not in the cool group now (although she has lots of friends) but long term she’ll be ok…

You know you're probably right. All my daughter has is her autism, her ADHD, and her eyelashes.

How sad that yours has you for an example.

User17439824 · 18/09/2023 06:46

If the school doesn't like it, I'm sure they will let you know, DS's school rang me up to tell me that he had nail varnish on. If the school doesn't care then I wouldn't bother about it.

Lulu1919 · 18/09/2023 06:50

The school I work in doesn't allow make up ...year 8 is our eldest year group.
Certainly wouldn't allow false lashes ...even if the kids managed to get away with a bit of eyeliner..

Rolypolyup · 18/09/2023 06:57

iminvestednow · 17/09/2023 23:56

Not allowed in our school but to be honest it’s only the kids that are doomed to fail do it. They can’t compete academically or probably in natural looks so seek other forms of attention. My kid is bright and pretty. She doesn’t need anything else. It may make her not in the cool group now (although she has lots of friends) but long term she’ll be ok…

Wow. What a dick reply

TheCurtainQueen · 18/09/2023 06:59

I agree. I would ask the school to ban them.

Yahyahs22 · 18/09/2023 07:05

Rolypolyup · 18/09/2023 06:57

Wow. What a dick reply

Show quote history

I wish I could go back and tell myself to not wear false eyelashes and so much make up so I wouldn't fail at life. Oh, I didn't. I'm mortgage free at 32 with two wonderful children.

MotherOfDragonflies · 18/09/2023 07:09

Yahyahs22 · 18/09/2023 07:05

I wish I could go back and tell myself to not wear false eyelashes and so much make up so I wouldn't fail at life. Oh, I didn't. I'm mortgage free at 32 with two wonderful children.

Show quote history

Yes me too 😆. Mortgage free partner in a v successful law firm. Darn that make up. If only I’d known it was just to hide my ugly and my stupid! 🙄

Wsmi · 18/09/2023 07:10

She’s young at 13 to be wearing fake eyelashes. But more to the point, they’re not classy. Unless you are going to an event and they are super natural. Fake lashes look trashy in the main and that’s reason enough to steer her away from them.

THisbackwithavengeance · 18/09/2023 07:13

My DD (13) is currently sticking spiders to her eyes as I write, in preparation to go to school in about 30 mins.

School allow it. All her friends wear them. But then she's not an academic, geeky girl so hey ho. Obviously doomed for failure.

I personally couldn't give a monkeys. They look nice. I've got lash extensions myself and I'm in my 50s with a professional job.

Itslosenotloose · 18/09/2023 07:15

@THisbackwithavengeance

She will be JUST fine.

Itslosenotloose · 18/09/2023 07:17

@iminvestednow

Thats very mean girls…. Stop projecting your own experiences of school onto certain young women today. Your hatred is palpable and a bit embarrassing.

THisbackwithavengeance · 18/09/2023 07:19

Itslosenotloose · 18/09/2023 07:15

@THisbackwithavengeance

She will be JUST fine.

If she's not, I can always blame the lashes.Grin

Rolypolyup · 18/09/2023 07:38

Wsmi · 18/09/2023 07:10

She’s young at 13 to be wearing fake eyelashes. But more to the point, they’re not classy. Unless you are going to an event and they are super natural. Fake lashes look trashy in the main and that’s reason enough to steer her away from them.

Define trashy. It's used a lot and I don't understand what it means.

Mble · 18/09/2023 08:08

I’m astonished by the responses on here. When I was this age we were doing DIY piercings and bleaching our hair. Fake eyelashes seem pretty tame to me. Surely it is the equivalent to a fashion hair cut. Something that she will laugh at it when older but is entirely harmless.

LolaSmiles · 18/09/2023 08:33

Mble
It's the benefit of ageing and growing up isn't it though?

I'm sure our parents thought similar things about our fashion and beauty choices at that age.

Our children will do the same as they grow up probably.

SherbetLemonn · 18/09/2023 09:05

Rolypolyup · 18/09/2023 06:29

I'd be interested to know what age children these parents replying to this post have. The ones saying pick your battles definitely have teenagers and appreciate how things work.
Let her be, she will soon have enough of them as they are quite annoying but the more you say no and the school allow then the more likely she will go behind your back and put them on at school anyway. It's not a big deal. What are your concerns with it? If the school said no then I'd say no as it's the rule.

Mine is 2… but I’m very much in the ‘let her get on with it’ camp!
I find it incredibly sad that adult women are here referring to 13 year old girls as classy or trashy, and feeling like they somehow have the moral high ground, particularly over a teenager experimenting very mildly with their make up and appearance.

Zola1 · 18/09/2023 09:05

iminvestednow · 17/09/2023 23:56

Not allowed in our school but to be honest it’s only the kids that are doomed to fail do it. They can’t compete academically or probably in natural looks so seek other forms of attention. My kid is bright and pretty. She doesn’t need anything else. It may make her not in the cool group now (although she has lots of friends) but long term she’ll be ok…

Ah I hate to break this to you..
I'm 32, have a first class degree and am the youngest person to ever hold my management role within the Local Authority. I also wear semi permanent lashes, get filler and botox, and blow my hair and wear nice clothes for work ;).
My 13 year old wears makeup, likes false nails and lashes and fake tan. She's in top sets in school, on the gifted and talented programme, and competes nationally in her sport. She also has plenty of friends and spends more time at sleepovers or out shopping and at dessert places with her friends than she does at home..and she doesn't vape or drink etc. Riddle me that...a girl can be interested in her appearance AND care about her future?!

SlippySarah · 18/09/2023 09:12

Rolypolyup · 18/09/2023 06:29

I'd be interested to know what age children these parents replying to this post have. The ones saying pick your battles definitely have teenagers and appreciate how things work.
Let her be, she will soon have enough of them as they are quite annoying but the more you say no and the school allow then the more likely she will go behind your back and put them on at school anyway. It's not a big deal. What are your concerns with it? If the school said no then I'd say no as it's the rule.

Mine are 12 and 8 and I definitely wouldn't choose this as the hill I died on.

My 12yo does her homework on time, is kind and helpful, does extra curricular stuff and likes experimenting with make up and hair styles. Her school don't allow fake lashes and she is not a rule breaker but in your shoes OP I wouldn't worry. There are much bigger things to be concerned about in the teen years.

gawditswindy · 18/09/2023 09:15

It's also funny that so many people think that only less clever children wear make up, lashes, etc. In the school where I work the super short skirt, fake tan, lashes girls are also very high achieving academically.

gawditswindy · 18/09/2023 09:18

For my own DD we have the rule that she wears what I tell her and the hairstyle I choose for school days and she has carte blanche on the weekend.

She's only 6 though, so I imagine that might change.

ItstimeToMoveagain · 18/09/2023 09:18

gawditswindy · 18/09/2023 09:15

It's also funny that so many people think that only less clever children wear make up, lashes, etc. In the school where I work the super short skirt, fake tan, lashes girls are also very high achieving academically.

It's probably what they'd like to believe, makes them feel superior some how

It's like all those threads started asking where are the popular kids you went to school with now and people are falling over themselves to say they got fat, don't work and have 3 kids with 3 different dads 🙄

Daisymae55 · 18/09/2023 09:25

My mum always says to “pick and choose my battles” with my daughter. I did and wore some ridiculous things as a teen that she didn’t necessarily like or approve of but she saved the fights for things that actually affected my safety/education/were within the school rules. I was free to explore my style and what I liked and I was very receptive when there were things she did put her foot down on as I knew there would be a proper reason

i am very surprised that he school allows false eyelashes, but if that’s the case and she’s doing well at school then I would let her crack on, she’ll probably soon realise they’re uncomfortable and a faff anyway