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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should i let 13 year old dd wear false lashes to school?

258 replies

EyelashConundrum · 17/09/2023 20:44

Dd is 13, and has started wearing stick on lashes to school. They are not super heavy spidery ones, but they do change the way her eyes look. She bought them with her own money in town with friends.

Im really torn between letting her wear them (school allows it, all her friends wear them and she obviously wants to fit in, she's 13 and is trying to find her own style, etc).

But then false eyelashes just seem so unnecessary for 13 year olds who are going to spend the day sitting in maths and geography. And my heart breaks that modern beauty standards make her feel the need to conform and wear this level of adornment.

Its a choice between being the authoritarian mother who forbids it because its just excessive in my opinion. But equally i remember being 13 and arguing with my parents that my thick orange foundation was an absolute necessity and they couldn't possibly understand what its like to be a teenager.

Ive allowed voting

YABU - Let her wear them. Its not doing any harm, doesn't disrupt her learning and helps her to feel confident.

YANBU - Absolutely no way should i let my 13 year old leave the house wearing these ridiculous things.

OP posts:
RosesAndHellebores · 17/09/2023 23:49

@JMSA not it isn't but parents should be pressuring state schools to drive up standards. I tried and failed because I was a lone voice. Others wanted to but also didn't have choices and so didn't rock the boat. If all the parents at op's dd's school wrote in, there would be change.

iminvestednow · 17/09/2023 23:56

Not allowed in our school but to be honest it’s only the kids that are doomed to fail do it. They can’t compete academically or probably in natural looks so seek other forms of attention. My kid is bright and pretty. She doesn’t need anything else. It may make her not in the cool group now (although she has lots of friends) but long term she’ll be ok…

JMSA · 17/09/2023 23:59

RosesAndHellebores · 17/09/2023 23:49

@JMSA not it isn't but parents should be pressuring state schools to drive up standards. I tried and failed because I was a lone voice. Others wanted to but also didn't have choices and so didn't rock the boat. If all the parents at op's dd's school wrote in, there would be change.

Agreed. But there WILL be a large percentage of parents who won't back the school, or bother their arses to implement the changes with their own daughters.
That's the reality these days.

SnowflakeCity · 18/09/2023 00:06

iminvestednow · 17/09/2023 23:56

Not allowed in our school but to be honest it’s only the kids that are doomed to fail do it. They can’t compete academically or probably in natural looks so seek other forms of attention. My kid is bright and pretty. She doesn’t need anything else. It may make her not in the cool group now (although she has lots of friends) but long term she’ll be ok…

Let's hope she doesn't get her mums judgemental attitude eh?

My dd wore them, not the strip ones the wee clumps, for about a week then she got fed up of sticking them on. I purposefully sent my kids to a school that doesn't have any stupid rules about hair/piercings/makeup etc. Teens should be free to find and express themselves through their appearance if that's what they want to do. You can be bright, pretty and have an interest in fashion/your appearance. These things are not mutually exclusive and we shouldn't teach our children that they need to shrink themselves in order to be taken seriously.

SquidGinn · 18/09/2023 00:07

I’d just let it go, I was forbidden from doing things just waited till I left the house!

toomuchforonewoman · 18/09/2023 00:10

Very least of my worries, I would let her.

Bogbrushhair · 18/09/2023 00:11

OP it’s not authoritarian to not allow your 13 yr old daughter to wear false lashes at school!

charlotte361 · 18/09/2023 00:28

I do not believe it for 1 minute that false lashes fall within the school rules. Maybe they haven't cracked down on it recently.
No way i would let my 13 year old leave the house looking like that,but they have always been classy.

topshotta · 18/09/2023 00:28

don't see the problem tbh i did the same thing?

Nat6999 · 18/09/2023 00:31

I can remember having my hair in an 80's wedge haircut with a fringe that I wore straight down to my chin on one side, I spent all day with my head to one side because I couldn't see for the fringe. I used to dye my hair with those Shaders shampoo in hair dyes so it was burgundy. A year later I was blonde, I used Sun in that you used a hairdryer with that turned your hair to straw. It's not a tattoo or piercing that she will have for life, don't sweat the small stuff, next week it will be something different.

bellsbuss · 18/09/2023 00:36

I used to let my daughter wear them at age, it's such a tricky age and I just wanted her to be happy and fit in. I used to have to put my makeup on school as my mum was so strict. It's false eyelashes not crack

ItstimeToMoveagain · 18/09/2023 01:03

iminvestednow · 17/09/2023 23:56

Not allowed in our school but to be honest it’s only the kids that are doomed to fail do it. They can’t compete academically or probably in natural looks so seek other forms of attention. My kid is bright and pretty. She doesn’t need anything else. It may make her not in the cool group now (although she has lots of friends) but long term she’ll be ok…

Did you seriously manage to write that utter shit with a straight face

Mamai90 · 18/09/2023 01:12

Mamette · 17/09/2023 20:48

I would definitely let her wear them if they are allowed and the norm in her friend group. Pick your battles OP, you have the whole of the teen years ahead.

I agree.

I wore make up from I was 11 in school, just foundation and mascara, I had bad skin so I would have really struggled with confidence had I not been allowed, and I'd have worn it regardless tbh.

If the lashes make your DD feel more confident and school allows it I'd let her wear them.

DameWhiskers · 18/09/2023 02:26

My DD attends a private school in another country. Wearing makeup is absolutely not permitted. She told me a few weeks back a girl in her class came to school with a full face of makeup - foundation, mascara, lipstick, the works - and thought she might be able to carry it off. Nope. She had to stand at the back of the classroom wiping it all off with wet wipes 😳

I'd advise your DD to leave the fake lashes for other occasions, OP.

GodDammitCecil · 18/09/2023 02:29

Justcallmebebes · 17/09/2023 22:42

Absolutely not. No way. Why does a 13 year old even know about false eyelashes?

What….?

My DD is 13 and although she doesn’t wear them (her school does not allow it, but she also doesn’t wear them outside school), she is alive in the world, so has heard of them.

Do you have children….?

drspouse · 18/09/2023 03:11

No, and if you give her this to be up in arms about hopefully she'll put all her energy into this and not try to push any further boundaries.

julesagainstana · 18/09/2023 03:25

sorry, couldn't @ the right person, ignore

julesagainstana · 18/09/2023 03:27

@TorqueWrench
how is that comparable sorry? awfully fallacious of you, can't stand all these logical fallacies on this site, just want to stir up unrelated controversies... how juvenile, you'd hope middle aged mums could have better arguments but no, always conflated logic

WandaWonder · 18/09/2023 03:39

I don't care if this breaks some weird 'you can't say that' rule they look utterly ridiculous so not for school

Riotact · 18/09/2023 04:21

God leave her alone.

Did you never do something as a teen because your peers were doing it too? Cause I bet you did.
She isn’t doing any harm.
I hate this idea of telling girls not to do things because of beauty standards. If it makes her feel good about herself to have them then let her. I bet you do at least some thing beauty related whether it be painting your nails, wearing lipstick or having your hair coloured etc.

Dunnoburt · 18/09/2023 04:23

No. She's 13.

MotherOfDragonflies · 18/09/2023 04:33

I am 50 now but in the eighties I went to school at 13 with purple eyeliner and mascara, heather shimmer lipstick, earrings and an armful of bangles and perfectly painted nails (often neon pink).

It didn’t distract me from my work (why on earth would it?), it didn’t result in teenage pregnancy (in fact my love of sweet valley high books meant I was holding out for love) and I went on to have a very academic and highly paid career.

let her get on with it.

Skethylita · 18/09/2023 05:13

I wouldn't mind, but I'd make sure I took plenty of pictures of her with eyelashes on to show her again when she's in her mid-20s.

Let's face it, we have all done stupid things to fit in at school; I grew up at the time of the 90s in which we wore bright blue eye shadow and bright pink lips. And we all looked silly as hell and our parents and teachers probably saw it.
False eyelashes are a trend just like hideously thick eyebrows were a few years ago.

The more we as parents try to suppress our teenagers' ways of expressing themselves with the little things, the more likely they will rebel in their later years. Seriously, as the parent of an older teen, I'd pick my battles, and general appearence, as long as it is within the rules of school, is not one I'd choose.

And to PP doubting schools allow it: some do. Not the many academies in which an untucked shirt can get you a detention, but the few schools with enough common sense to see that blue hair or three earrings in one ear really don't hinder a child's progress.

Pinkballoon5 · 18/09/2023 05:25

Mine wore them to school at 13, 15 now and they only rarely put them on and not for school

IAmAnIdiot123 · 18/09/2023 06:15

Yeah I probably would let her. My mum didn't really make an issue about the make up I wore as a teen and as an adult I very rarely wear it. I think of stuff like this on teens as just kids playing with looks, take some pictures and laugh together about the state they looked when they are an adult and fashions have changed.