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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are we classed as "poor" or average

341 replies

FutureMrsBourne · 17/09/2023 17:25

Sorry I couldn't think of a better word.
DH earns around £70k.
I only earn £12ph and work 3 days a week as we have 2 children under 5.
Most of my friends are on slightly more than me an hour but not massively, have maybe slightly nicer but similar houses, only really get their hair done in terms of beauty.. but most of DH's friends partners earn £50+.. have big houses with cinema rooms, bars.. have regular Botox, lip fillers etc.
we live in a 3 bed and semi and have saved since 2018 for a new kitchen.
Are we poor.. or average? I feel such a failure compared to DH's friends wives and I worked bloody hard for my qualifications that are rubbish pay!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
nonheme · 19/09/2023 08:51

FutureMrsBourne · 17/09/2023 17:25

Sorry I couldn't think of a better word.
DH earns around £70k.
I only earn £12ph and work 3 days a week as we have 2 children under 5.
Most of my friends are on slightly more than me an hour but not massively, have maybe slightly nicer but similar houses, only really get their hair done in terms of beauty.. but most of DH's friends partners earn £50+.. have big houses with cinema rooms, bars.. have regular Botox, lip fillers etc.
we live in a 3 bed and semi and have saved since 2018 for a new kitchen.
Are we poor.. or average? I feel such a failure compared to DH's friends wives and I worked bloody hard for my qualifications that are rubbish pay!

OP, there appear to be two distinct situations at hand: one related to feeling inferior to your husband's friends' partners due to income disparities, and the other regarding the perception of financial hardship despite your combined income of around £93K annually if you both work full time.

It's worth noting that the affordability of houses with amenities like cinema rooms and home bars can vary significantly depending on your geographical location. Therefore, the perception of wealth or poverty can indeed hinge on where you reside. In any case, it's essential to recognise that with an annual income of £70,000 or £93,000, you are not in the category of low income earners, even though the cost of living can greatly impact your perceived financial standing. You aren't poor even though it feels like it around others with more than you.

Brutalass · 19/09/2023 09:32

Personally I think you need to open your eyes, maybe watch the news and take a long hard think! There are people in the world dealing with natural disasters, people in the UK who are homeless, on the breadline, visiting foodbanks, unable to eat or heat their homes, clothe their children and you're worried about the lack of botox!?*

Please stop being so materialistic - you are clearly comfortably off.

I personally like to measure my wealth in other ways like; love, friendships, health, happiness, children, good marriage, having a roof over my head, etc. Maybe give that a try.

🙄

saffy2 · 19/09/2023 11:08

I think you’re exceptionally well off, and a high earning household.
I would say we are average and we earn less than just one of you earns, as a couple. We live a good life, we own a house in the south east (with mortgage) and we eat well, we have two cars and our kids have nice clothes, and we just holidayed for 2 weeks in Italy in the summer.
I can’t even comprehend how amazing and free our life would be if we had your money. And we are not poor. By any means. We are average earners and we do well.
You are a high earning family.

saffy2 · 19/09/2023 11:11

Our income usually is around 50k from both of us. I am currently low on work, and we are instead around 40k, we have cut back on things in preparation.
but yeah, £85k household 😂 it’s ludicrous that you would even be suggesting that poor or average is any where near what you are living.

saffy2 · 19/09/2023 11:14

anniegun · 17/09/2023 17:36

Op this calculation has put us on £50k as earning higher than 49% of the population of the uk….😂😂😂😂 so you can see that you are exceptionally well off.

anomaly2 · 19/09/2023 12:01

It totally depends on where you live. London and the South East and you be in a totally different situation from Hill or Preston.

saffy2 · 19/09/2023 12:15

hedgehogblanket · 17/09/2023 18:11

I do agree OP should be comfortable but actually one person earning 70k will be taking home less than two people on a combined salary of 70k.

But still very much more than two people earning less than 70k between them! 😂

anomaly2 · 19/09/2023 15:17

@saffy2 But still very much more than two people earning less than 70k between them! 😂
Yes but one or two people earning £70k may have more disposable income depending on where they live. For people in some areas house ownership may be impossible. Rent and commuting takes up the majority of their income. For people in other areas, they may have a tiny mortgage and soon be mortgage free in their late 30s and be able to afford a holiday abroad every year

saffy2 · 19/09/2023 15:33

anomaly2 · 19/09/2023 15:17

@saffy2 But still very much more than two people earning less than 70k between them! 😂
Yes but one or two people earning £70k may have more disposable income depending on where they live. For people in some areas house ownership may be impossible. Rent and commuting takes up the majority of their income. For people in other areas, they may have a tiny mortgage and soon be mortgage free in their late 30s and be able to afford a holiday abroad every year

Yes….I’m talking about people who earn nowhere near £70k. Like myself. One earner earning £70k before tax is still a household earning significantly more than my household is earning. And according to the link above my household earns more than 49% of the households in the uk. Meaning regardless of whether it’s one or two earners getting the household to 70k before tax…they’re earning significantly more than the majority of the people in this country and in fact on this thread.
and it’s insulting and quite frankly deluded to think otherwise.

MagicFarawayTea · 19/09/2023 17:51

If the only thing that differentiates you from these higher earning women is Botox, lip fillers and Turkey teeth then you should be breathing a sigh of relief! I find these women with duck mouths, frozen faces and fluorescent fake teeth look utterly ridiculous!
Seriously though, they are spending money feel better about themselves whereas perhaps you are getting more satisfaction/validation from your job?
Just a thought x

beyourownchampion · 19/09/2023 20:04

Kdubs1981 · 17/09/2023 17:40

Well, you are going to get your arse handed to you here OP 🍿

This! 😂
I’m sorry OP but I think the answer is to stop comparing yourself to other people who choose to waste their money on meaningless stuff !!
You do you… and live to your own means.
If you want to retrain so you can earn more then make a plan! It’s never too late to change your path….

SeahorsesRock · 19/09/2023 21:04

lol I think the average salary in the UK is £27k so I certainly wouldnt be describing you as poor

User5512 · 19/09/2023 21:22

Where on earth do people have huge houses with cinema room, plus disposable income at £50k !!

Lolaandbehold · 22/09/2023 18:29

I'm late to the party but where I live, you'd be poor and your kids would be on bursaries to the school. I imagine that there are areas in which you'd be considered very well off.

Princessfluffy · 29/09/2023 07:18

Quite honestly you'd be classed as lacking intelligence for not knowing the answer to your own question.

Desperatetime · 02/10/2023 12:34

Try living on 33k combined household income

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