Are we classed as "poor" or average

[FutureMrsBourne]

Sorry I couldn't think of a better word.
DH earns around £70k.
I only earn £12ph and work 3 days a week as we have 2 children under 5.
Most of my friends are on slightly more than me an hour but not massively, have maybe slightly nicer but similar houses, only really get their hair done in terms of beauty.. but most of DH's friends partners earn £50+.. have big houses with cinema rooms, bars.. have regular Botox, lip fillers etc.
we live in a 3 bed and semi and have saved since 2018 for a new kitchen.
Are we poor.. or average? I feel such a failure compared to DH's friends wives and I worked bloody hard for my qualifications that are rubbish pay!

My DH earns £13,000 pa and I earn £19,500 pa - @FutureMrsBourne are we poor?
I don’t worry myself with what my friends spend their money on.

No you are not poor, but think everyone has covered that off nicely.

I would say though that you just shouldn't compare finances, it's such a mystery what people are on, how big their mortgages are, how much debt they have, if they spend constantly on credit cards, have flashy cars on finance, have no savings but spend all their income on flashy things every month.

I'd absolutely love to have a nose at people's finances, I find it so fascinating!

Surely this is a wind up...

Imagine being on benefits or earning 20k as a Lone parent and reading this.

YABU to take fillers, Turkey teeth and home
bars as the measure of wealth.
Also, the education you mention clearly didn’t teach you that countries, such as Turkey, should be spelled with a capital.
Finally, may be you need better friends or therapy.

Cor dh and I spend 6years having a joint income of 28k. Not once did I feel poor. I'd been a single parent on benefits, I knew what poor was. 28k was comfortable.

82k?? You are having a fucking laugh.

70k, absolute paupers.

With a mindset like that, you will always be poor regardless of income.
I have met financially "poor" people far, far richer than you.

Maybe start making some friends who are on similar or lower incomes, maybe then you won’t feel so bad about things.
Comparing yourself to others is preventing you from seeing how great your life actually is, so many of us would love a household income like yours.
You really need to take stock of your life and your aspirations. Do you really envy women who have Botox and blinding white Turkey teeth?

OP, poor is threadbare clothes and too small shoes, no food in the cupboards, no toys or books, being sent by my parent to scrounge off neighbours, the local shop, and, failing that...bins behind shops, having no electricity, no toilet or bathroom, no water...
That's what I remember what poor looked and felt like in my childhood.
So, being in a run down flat with broken furniture, with my 2 ND kids (I'm also ND and have physical disabilities), I feel pretty bloody blessed and rich in comparison with so many people less fortunate than us. Yeah, we've had to use foodbanks and accept charitable that we have been generously offered, but my children have never had to feel that God awful feeling of the permanent tummy ache and lethargy from malnutrition.

That’s not a good wage. Your husband is on a reasonably good salary, though it won’t go far if you’re in London, but financially you personally are well below average.

Have you considered trying to change career to something that pays more? You say you worked hard to get your qualifications which makes me think you’ve probably gone into a line of work that’s traditionally done by women and poorly valued. So you can probably earn significantly more if you’re prepared to look at more traditionally masculine roles and work patterns and insist your DH supports you in transitioning.

If you have enough money to pay your bills (mortgage/rent, utilities, WiFi, car stuff) and food, and not worry about it, you are not poor.
It's sad, OP, that someone who has Botox can make you feel like a failure - maybe you could have a think about what's really important to you.
You are OK and you are good enough.

What qualifications did you work so hard for that pays just above minimum wage?

Surely you know YABU and quite frankly ridiculous if you honestly think £70k year falls into the poor or average sector 🤔
I hope your qualifications aren't in finance.

I'm sure you've come on here to gloat. Your husband earns 70k and you're asking if we think you're poor or average? 🤦🏼‍♀️

Your husband is on a reasonably good salary, though it won’t go far if you’re in London

We live in london on a similar income and we feel very financially comfortable.

Maybe you need to make friends in different circles. And dont compare yourselves to your friends. Possessions and holidays and botox are not what brings true happiness.

Maybe you need to sit down and go through your finances and see where you can cut back a bit to save more money for the new kitchen. Is the kitchen you want to get high end, if so go for a cheaper one.

You are not poor.

I think maybe you are spending more money than you think on bits and pieces which is easily done and maybe could be trimmed down.

You can't claim you're poor because you only earn £13k (or £20k if you were full time) when your OH earns £70k.

That's like me saying "I'm poor, My part time evening job only earns £80 a week" when I'm also working a full time job earning £35k.

You've been rightly roasted on here OP for being a bit ignorant but I can't help but wonder if this is actually about your qualifications and access to better work prospects. Given that you have young kids at home it may be a while before you're in a position to be able to move forward. I don't think you're poor or even average as a collective household, but you singularly, would probably struggle financially.

Hope things improve for you career wise or at least enough to help you get to where you're aiming for.

Also hope you recover from this post. MN isn't kind when it comes to income related ignorance.

🤣🤣🤣

We probably earn what your husband earns, but we both work FT, live in an expensive area and have a son with SN that we have had to shell out a lot of money on recently. We are fucking knackered due to all the life admin of raising a child with complex needs. I'd love to work 3 days a week!

We both work due to not wanting to be broke - it would be more stressful for me to be broke. I know we aren't rolling in it - our holiday this year was one nights camping, but we are trying to save money and that is a luxury in itself in this day and age. I do know that being able to afford things like school uniform and to eat well is not poor and we are lucky. I grew up pretty poor around friends who were more well off, so don't want the same for my kids.

You are definitely not poor. Probably above average, but not in the 'well off MN' bracket, since two FT wages before tax is 70k. You probably have a lot of childcare expenditure which is why you don't feel well off.

I bet your bottom dollar your friends are in debt. I knew of a few cases of people living above their means and in debt.

You're not allowed to be classed as anything because the person making the decision or suggestion would be very frowned upon while being completely innocent.

That's the danger of classification.

Are you happy? Are your children well? Is your marriage ok? If so your rich beyond measure. Stop fretting about trivia - material things will never satisfy.

OK, slightly other side of it. We've established OP has a good household income, comfortably above average.

But, it OP poor in relation to the circle she's in, or are friends on similar money, but spend it unwisely, and drag themselves in to debt. Thinking they will pay it off at some point. When OP can cope with interest rate rise on mortgage and friends can't?

@FutureMrsBourne I would say for a family of four it’s not the best… I earn slightly more than your DH and it’s only me and one dc. I find it hard, still have to budget etc. It’s average when you split it hypothetically so you both earn 40k.

Its all about outgoings.

£70k is a middle enough income to go either way.

It's enough to live on if your mortgage is less than £2k per month, have no childcare costs and you're not paying off two cars on HP. You won't be throwing money at lip fillers, manicures every few weeks etc.

It vastly depends on the cost of living where you live and what your stage in life is.

Those who are scoffing at you are just being overly simplistic. If you got a house before they shot up in price, say early 2000s, your mortgage might be like all my siblings in the low hundreds of pounds each month.

Earnings after tax on £70k sound a lot less. Maybe £40k.

I earn £250k a year and my DH earns £300k a year.

Does this make us poor or average?

I’m guessing poor, as Kim Kardashian lives in a massive mansion and we only live in a medium sized one 😢