Am I too relaxed about my child at soft play? Or are others too uptight ?

[alloverthem]

I recently took my DD and DS to a small soft play that we frequent a lot.

I mean, usually several times a week.

It's small and safe and I really love it and my kids get the interaction with other kids and I actually find it easier being there than just sitting at home with them for example.

It's interesting to watch different parenting styles in there and I've noticed a few things.

There are frequent scuffles between the kids but actually not that often. The kids play well together in general I would say. Often they chase each other around and play fight too and it's nice to watch.

Sometimes there are fights and kids will snatch things from my DD or she will snatch stuff from other kids and make them cry and vice versa. I think this is all normal stuff and there are lots of parents that are ' relaxed ' about it. So will apologise if their child makes my child cry and I always say don't worry it's all good- they all do it. It will be my one that starts on yours next time or something like that.

But then there are some parents who are really precious about everything. They don't give their child any space at all ( it's a tiny soft play ) and hover around them constantly and get involved in every single little thing. The other day my DD was playing with another girl and they were chasing each other around a padded area and getting foam blocks and running into each other with them. It was totally under control and not too rough and they were having a wale of a time. I was watching the entire thing and so was the other mum, who kept telling my DD off for pushing ( which she wasn't ). It was a totally innocent scenario and it really annoyed me. It's not the first time I've seen stuff like this. Another time a mum seemed generally angry that her son was crying because my DD took a block from him- my DD cried too when her son was taking the block from her. It was a normal scuffle, you tell them to behave / remove them and apologise and move on.

Why do some mums feel so aggrieved by normal childhood play? I can't remember my parents getting upset and involved in every tiny interaction at a soft play when I was younger. Can't we let them just be a little bit ? We are there for them when it gets dangerous and comfort them when they're upset, but to actually get huffy and puffy about 3 year olds snatching foam blocks from one another - is that really how precious us millennial parents are ?

I know they'll be people who'll accuse my DD of being a bad child etc. but it's not that. She's just normal and plays normally.

Anyway, it's either that I'm too relaxed or others are way too uptight.

*cater not cater

In soft plays and play parks it is a lucky dip what kind of parents you will meet. My boy is boisterous but has learned now not to snatch, wait his turn etc That said if the other child starts a play fight he is more than happy to participate! I find this normal . What I don’t like is when the other parent will tell my son off for something. It happened once only but I was fuming.

It depends on the child - not just their age, but their personality. I've never witnessed my 3.5yo son snatching something or lashing out at another child (does it to us and his baby bro occasionally but no one else), nor has childminder. He needs support in advocating for himself as he naturally wouldn't. Only in the last few months has he started to stand up for himself. Children need parents to model appropriate social behaviour, so snatching toys, pushing, being unkind MUST be addressed. How else would they know that it's not acceptable?!! I wouldn't be annoyed at another parent unless they were literally watching their child repeatedly do these things and not intervening, OR were annoyed with me for intervening (gently). Many times in the past I have said "ahh sorry - my DS is playing with that. You can have it when he's finished" and I gently take and give it back. IF my son was snatching toys away from other children, I would consistently do the exact same in reverse (we don't snatch from people - that other child was playing with that and we're going to have a turn later).
Surely this is basic modelling of socially acceptable behaviour?! It's not just about correcting poor behaviour, it's also teaching children how to advocate for themselves.

And OP you do sound really judgemental and aggressive. Just saying.

@Slinky89 my DS is almost 4 and is exactly the same, just let's kids snatch off him etc and doesn't stand up for himself which is something I'm trying to teach him.

It really depends on the soft play and parents around I think… unless there was clear visibility throughout, I used to always go in with DD when she was little. You can’t control other people’s kids and I didn’t trust that their parents were always watching. I once witnessed a little boy, out of nowhere, jump onto DD and attempt to dig his nails into her face. Luckily I was right there and managed to remove him straight away. Dad had gone to the toilet and was mortified when he came back. You need to do what feels right to you :)

YANBU. My DS does gymnastics and by his age now (3.5y) all the kids in his class have been doing it a year and the teachers advise letting them do class on their own instead of accompanied to increase independence and confidence, and also because they often listen better without mum or dad there. About half the parents listen to this advice and let the kids (it’s all open and easy to observe) go in alone. But about half totally ignore this advice and continue in the class which ends up often with their kids messing them about, running off or not listening to the demos etc. It’s actually really annoying, the incessant need of some parents to helicopter and “be involved” actually makes the class harder to manage for the instructors. It just feels like performative parenting.

Preschool children teaching one another how to socialise is a good plan? Wrong! The law of the jungle will prevail and, i guess this is what reception teachers are up against.

Parenting is a competition these days. Tbh (without probably realising it) you’re looking for validation yourself just by posting this message.

I think there’s a happy medium.

Parents need to be at least checking in every now and then to make sure they’re child isn’t the one/ one of the ones starting “scuffles” or ruining it for others.

Equally, you can’t helicopter around them constantly as they won’t develop their own skills.

my absolute pet hate is people basically letting their children run wild and ignoring them at soft play.

yes, children need space to learn and play freely. But they also need guidance on how to appropriately interact in varying scenarios.

at soft play it is easy for kids to get carried away and just because it is normal for children to hit, snatch, push, generally be nasty to other children - it absolutely does not make it ok. By these standard they do t need playground supervision at school?

the amount of times I’ve been at soft play and someone’s child has really ruined it for the other when their parent was too busy on their phone or chatting to Linda over a coffee 🙄