Am I too relaxed about my child at soft play? Or are others too uptight ?

[alloverthem]

I recently took my DD and DS to a small soft play that we frequent a lot.

I mean, usually several times a week.

It's small and safe and I really love it and my kids get the interaction with other kids and I actually find it easier being there than just sitting at home with them for example.

It's interesting to watch different parenting styles in there and I've noticed a few things.

There are frequent scuffles between the kids but actually not that often. The kids play well together in general I would say. Often they chase each other around and play fight too and it's nice to watch.

Sometimes there are fights and kids will snatch things from my DD or she will snatch stuff from other kids and make them cry and vice versa. I think this is all normal stuff and there are lots of parents that are ' relaxed ' about it. So will apologise if their child makes my child cry and I always say don't worry it's all good- they all do it. It will be my one that starts on yours next time or something like that.

But then there are some parents who are really precious about everything. They don't give their child any space at all ( it's a tiny soft play ) and hover around them constantly and get involved in every single little thing. The other day my DD was playing with another girl and they were chasing each other around a padded area and getting foam blocks and running into each other with them. It was totally under control and not too rough and they were having a wale of a time. I was watching the entire thing and so was the other mum, who kept telling my DD off for pushing ( which she wasn't ). It was a totally innocent scenario and it really annoyed me. It's not the first time I've seen stuff like this. Another time a mum seemed generally angry that her son was crying because my DD took a block from him- my DD cried too when her son was taking the block from her. It was a normal scuffle, you tell them to behave / remove them and apologise and move on.

Why do some mums feel so aggrieved by normal childhood play? I can't remember my parents getting upset and involved in every tiny interaction at a soft play when I was younger. Can't we let them just be a little bit ? We are there for them when it gets dangerous and comfort them when they're upset, but to actually get huffy and puffy about 3 year olds snatching foam blocks from one another - is that really how precious us millennial parents are ?

I know they'll be people who'll accuse my DD of being a bad child etc. but it's not that. She's just normal and plays normally.

Anyway, it's either that I'm too relaxed or others are way too uptight.

You sound like one of those parents who dumps your child in soft play so you can sit with a coffee and not bother parenting. I’d be interested to hear the perspective of these other parents. Maybe they are hovering because your children are feral and unsupervised. Maybe some of them are worried their older kid will bash your 18 month old who you let roam free so they have to keep a closer eye on their children. You said yourself it’s easier for you then being at home with them where you’d have to play and interact with them - I know the type and like you they are in soft play as much as possible as it’s too much hassle for them to parent or come up with activities to do with their kids. Always the type to excuse bad behaviour as their children ‘just being children’ too

@AprQ I think it's ridiculous to be annoyed about it. That's my opinion and I will judge another parent for acting like that. I will think they're a bit of a dick.

I wouldn't be friendly towards them, as I wouldn't consider us compatible. I will also judge another parent for not stepping in when their child misbehaves and I wouldn't be friendly with them either.

I vote that people shouldn't sweat the small stuff. I get annoyed if a child is running amock and uncontrolled but other than than...whatever is my feeling.

That said. I have one child (my eldest) who I have to helicopter and support in his play and one child (obviously youngest) I can leave to it

I suggest you consider reading your first line there, and think about it a little.

@alloverthem not sure what you’re basing that on? My child has never been to soft play as they’re too young. I’ve seen your lazy type though at friends and family soft play birthday parties. Slovenly sitting there not parenting. I think it’s telling your said if your child comes over crying you send them back in. Do they want to go back in or it’s still mummy’s phone time?

I think when parents hover over their kids in this sort of situation it’s most often because the children of parents who “let them get on with it” often behave badly, repeatedly and nothing is done about it because the mum is too busy chatting or reading on her phone to have a clue what her child is doing. So other parents stay close to their own children to make sure that their child isn’t hurt/bothered by the unsupervised kid.

The parents who don’t bother supervising their kids in these sort of places are also often the ones who take great offence at any other adult stepping in to deal with their child’s behaviour, however mildly.

You’ve said you step in when needed and that’s great but plenty of parents don’t and so I can see why some parents feel the need to stay very close to their child.

I think you're right, OP. The only time I would get annoyed in soft play would be if a child is actually repeatedly hitting my child and the parent does nothing. Just snatching toys I couldn't get worked up about. You have to loosen the reins a bit. I supervise my kids but don't get involved in every little thing.

I'm basing it on the bullshit you've written about the type of parent you believe I am. Only that the type of parent of an entitled brat ( or to be brat ) would make those assumptions. You literally know nothing.

This is why I never take DS to soft play.

But yes, I am close by if I do. DS gets bullied easily by other children. We, and his teachers, are trying to teach him resilience but if another child is intentionally nasty to him especially when their parents are no where to be seen, yes I'm going to intervene. It's important to me that DS knows that I always have his back.

My 3 year old granddaughter runs around and has really good time. I don't over supervise but obviously there if the need arises. I'm old school tho so allow her to root around in our garden, pick up worms etc. I may even at times let her eat something without washing her hands first, may MN forgive me 🙏🙈

Why is it ridiculous to be annoyed about the fact that one child has pushed/hit/done whatever to another child?

You’re judging them, they’re judging you. This is soft play, since when are you meant to be friends with other parents anyway?

I'm close by too you know. The soft play is tiny, so you can't help but be close by. Sometimes kids can be nasty to my DD. Recently there was a group of boys who kept blocking the entrance to the tunnel in the soft play and didn't want to let her in. The parents did nothing.

She kept getting upset and I comforted her and tried to use a different slide with her/ build a house with blocks
Eventually the parents did step in. I wasn't annoyed with anyone about it.

Oh dear. Given your lashing out at me it seems I’ve hit a nerve. Try spending more time outside of soft play actually parenting and doing things with your children and you won’t feel so sensitive!

@Untilitsleeps1 yeah of course. Calling me sensitive haha. Gaslighting 101. I can see what sort of person you are.

@alloverthem I'm not making any comments about you at all. I've no idea what the set up is like and where you are. Just, in general, 3 year olds can be pretty mean to other kids and I'm not going to tolerate that when it's directed to my DS.

*I think when parents hover over their kids in this sort of situation it’s most often because the children of parents who “let them get on with it” often behave badly, repeatedly and nothing is done about it because the mum is too busy chatting or reading on her phone to have a clue what her child is doing.

So other parents stay close to their own children to make sure that their child isn’t hurt/bothered by the unsupervised kid.*

1000%. Recently I took my 2 year old and 16 month old to soft play. 16 month old has a rare genetic disorder so is severely disabled. He can’t tolerate soft play too much as it’s way too loud and too many children running about. We stay for 30 mins whilst my 2 year old runs about.

A man came up to me and asked if a certain child was mine. I said nope, one is here with me the other is other there. He asked if I knew who the parent was and I pointed to the child’s dad. Apparently the kid was inside wacking over people so all the parents followed their kid to make sure they were safe.

The more parents that are careless and don’t keep an eye, the more parents that will follow their child and intervene in any little issue as they can’t guarantee the other child’s parents are watching and will step in!

I hate soft play😂

Haha, never leave parents unattended at soft play, it never ends well 😆

Some people are utterly bonkers both ways, i had someone on her tell me i should leave my dgd to it in and not sit with her making sure she didnt get bolwed over or have things taken off her in soft play

Also I should have more confidance in her ability to deal with the situation herself and was doing her a disservice , a not yet crawling 9 month old baby 🙄

Then you have the parents who insist on following their 3 year olds around getting in the way of all the other little kids.

My ds needed his face glued back together after some kid pushed him over in soft play. It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt.

I think balance is required. My 4 year old grandson loves to play with the bigger children. Usually it's fine and I leave him to get on with it while I manage toddler dgs. However a few weeks ago I felt uneasy about a particular boy who was twice the size of my dgs. I watched them for a while then took my eyes off them for a minute. When I looked next, the bigger boy has pinned my dgs on the ground, was lying fully on top of him with his arm across dgs neck. That was not ok in my book. So I'll continue to be vigilant

Got it. I should stop being ridiculous about my ds ending up in a and e with a dislocated limb, just so your kids can enjoy "normal" play. 🙄

I think your responses are showing exactly what type of person you are; defensive, aggressive, judgemental and downright nasty.

Wow ok.

I think it's about balance (like most things) its best to aim for somewhere in the middle of the two extremes

Our local soft play is one of the massive ones where you can't see your child most of the time so I do follow our 3 year old around. She won't go in it by herself yet anyway and I regularly see 2/3 year olds in there bawling their eyes out while their parents are presumably sat somewhere with a coffee.