One year old and funeral

[Peekabooooooo]

An old school friend died recently and I'd like to go to his funeral. We were close at school but haven't seen each other for years.

I have a just turned one year old baby who's breastfed. Would it be unreasonable to take her to the funeral?

I don't have any local family/friends who could take DD, and the funeral is a decent drive away so would involve leaving her for a while. I haven't managed to cut down breastfeeds yet and she doesn't really have bottles or milk from a cup.

I'd sit at the back and take her out at the first peep, and think she'd be happy in a sling.

I'm not close to the school friend's parents or siblings etc so don't want to bother them at this difficult time by asking directly.

I’ve taken my son to funerals and BF him, probs to 3/4.
No one has ever minded and have enjoyed from what I can tell, smiling at a baby.

I have fed him so he didn’t make a noise which is much better than having a crying baby - id have left the none family ones if baby was crying.

I personally think it's fine and your plan to sit near the back is a good one.

I took my breastfed 1 month old to a funeral, no problem and would have taken her out if she'd fussed. Nobody batted an eye. I'd say go for it.

I took my 1yo to my Great-Aunts funeral, in a church. She raised a fuss and I fed her, I swear the vicar winked at me and a couple of older ladies behind me were very supportive.

She was warmly received at the wake afterwards, especially by my Great-Uncle, bless him.

If you can’t go without her and want to go, go and take her with you.

There is no issue breastfeeding at a funeral unless your anti-breastfeeding.

I can understand not particularly wanting children around depending on the type of funeral (I've never been to a funeral without at least some children though, even if I didn't take my own!) But there is absolutely no issue with the breastfeeding.

Please ask, OP. I can't believe people think it's appropriate to just turn up with a baby at the funeral of someone they've not seen in ages and whose family they don't know without checking it's okay first It's very awkward for someone to say anything once you've turned up, so I imagine that some of the 'it was fine' crew perhaps weren't as welcome as they imagine either.

I really wouldn't. If you've not seen him in years and don't know the family, it's really not fair to risk causing any further distress to them on such a difficult day. They may not welcome children and may even have agreed that family children won't attend. It could therefore be very upsetting for them to see your child there. Plus, even if you sit near the back and are ready to leave, that doesn't stop your baby from being a disruption however briefly if they do scream or cry.

Babies and children are fine at funerals if you know the family are OK with that, but definitely not if you aren't sure.

Just sit at the back of the church if you need to pop out. I wouldn't be asking anyone for permission to take a child. Some of the op relies on here add ridiculous.

There's nothing wrong in feeding a baby at a funeral 🙄

Every funeral I've been to has had babies and young children at it - and I'm as Southern English stereotype as you can get!

My granddaughter was about 11 months when my younger son, her uncle died. She came to the funeral. She sat on the front row with me and her mum and dad, she wasn't completely quiet, although her mum was ready to take her outside if needed. It really helped me get through it, and my memories of that day are not as bleak as they could have been. I know your circumstances are different, but all these people saying babies should not go to funerals are being narrow minded. It is not set in stone, I would contact the family, say you would like to attend and ask their opinion. I would only hesitate if the child was older and could be upset or disturbed by the ceremony and the reason for it. Babies are a wonderful reminder that life continues.

This. I don't see why you shouldn't go. Take your baby, sit at the back, feed if necessary and go outside if he starts crying. Not a problem at all

If it's a family funeral or you're close to the bereaved family that's one thing.

I think it's rude and entitled to assume a baby would be welcome when you don't know these people well and seemingly can't check with them.

Two of my children were walking and 'chatting' at that age so not a chance they'd be sitting quietly at the back

A close friend of mine and DHs died earlier this year. We did take our children to the funeral but they're teenagers and we checked with her husband and mum first to make sure they didn't mind. She was godmother to our eldest so they also had a separate relationship.

I think you have to ask the family, not just turn up with a baby. You could also ask if the funeral will be live-streamed.

There's a big difference between a babe in arms and a 1 year old

You could ask these old school friends if they know of anyone who could meet you outside service and take a baby for a walk for an hour. I think it's far more acceptable to take a baby to the wake than the service. One of your old friends Mum's might be happy to do it. I'd happily push a baby about in pram for an hour in those circumstances. Alternatively ask the family of the deceased if they mind a baby attending. Some people don't like children let alone babies at either weddings or funerals. Personally I'd not mind but I think it's respectful to ask the family.

Yes DD2 was 12mo at the time of my mum's funeral. She had been walking for two months by then and would never have sat for 45 mins let alone quietly! Maybe 15 mins if I shovelled snacks in her face but she would have been screeching to get down and walk around. It would have been much easier as a newborn, I would have taken her then no problem as she would have just fed and slept. But both of mine at 12mo were chatty and mobile.

Is there a crying room?

It's also a long journey for no fun for the child at the end of it. She's still going to be restricted.

Most funerals are live-streamed these days. Ask if that's the case

It is still fine to breastfeed a 1 year old at a funeral tho

It is not rude or entitled to turn up at the funeral of some one who was once a friend, you are part of his life, whether the relatives know you or not, if you happen to have a baby, that you can't really leave behind, no one should object, your late friend may have been happy to have a baby at his funeral. It was gratifying to me to have loads of people at my sons funeral, as it showed how loved he was.

If you aren't close enough to the family to be able to ask them, then the answer should be no. If the family don't know you well then they won't 'miss' you on the day so it's really you putting your needs above theirs.
The only time babies or toddlers have been at funerals I've attended was when they were really close family of the deceased. Casual acquaintances should either sort childcare or not go.

I would go but with a friend who could take your child on a walk / to the park. At one they can eat snacks and they're quite switched on to know if you're not there then milk isn't available. I breastfed til gone 1 too and went back to work. Your breasts and your baby just adapt - my son would just feed when I was back. Assume your child is eating three meals a day and snacks? So a BF is nice to have but not mandatory - they'll be fine and you can actually concentrate during the service and not worry.

Someone upthread rightly pointed out that there is often a hoo-ha about children at weddings which are generally a joyful celebration

Taking children to funerals where everyone is upset and some distraught and is a very solemn occasion usually seems to be ok on here. Just because you don't need an invitation doesn't make it right

I don't get it.