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Original poster

My son being told to walk to school with another child!

282 replies

SunSeaSand55 · 15/09/2023 15:32

My son is in Yr 9 and walks the 10 - 15 min walk to school with his friend who lives over the road. Coming home today our new neighbour asks to speak to him and says her son has just started in Yr 7 and she's having to pay for a taxi to take him as she's working and doesn't want him walking alone. She then asked if they could walk together. My son barely had chance to speak and she just said thank you so much and walked away! As a working parent myself I totally get where she's coming from but think it's a bit cheeky. My son walked on his own right from the beginning until several weeks in when he made friends. He is now stropping as he doesn't want to have a Yr 7 walking with him! Apparently it's very uncool and Yr 9 do not associate with younger year groups!!
I am not going to tell the other mum my son isn't happy but I do see his point. He shouldn't be responsible for someone else's child. Should he just suck it up?

OP posts:
MzHz · 15/09/2023 15:36

Why on earth would you NOT tell her that you’re not comfortable forcing anything

explain to her how your dc walked from day 1 and if he has a phone then he can call his mum and talk on the way, but seriously it’s 15mins! Why didn’t she prepare her kid for this rite of passage?

Timeforabiscuit · 15/09/2023 15:37

I think you will need to step in here, and it's a good lesson in assertiveness.

He doesn't want to do it, does the new year 7 kid even feel comfortable with this ?parent is taking liberties, just go over and say your boy isn't in a position to babysit and would rather not have the responsibility.

MidgesGirdle · 15/09/2023 15:37

I am not going to tell the other mum my son isn't happy but I do see his point. He shouldn't be responsible for someone else's child. Should he just suck it up?

I don't understand why you are being so passive here. Year 9 is only 13, or barely 14 at this point. It's your job as parent to step in and deal with things far outside of the scope of a child's ability - this situation counts.

MzHz · 15/09/2023 15:38

And actually, explaining that your son isn’t comfortable being responsible for her ds IS a strong enough reason

your year 9 does have the right to choose what he does and doesn’t do

that woman knew she was bamboozling you.

10HailMarys · 15/09/2023 15:39

Of course he shouldn’t just suck it up. He doesn’t even know the kid.

I strongly doubt the Y7 actually wants to be babysat on the way to school by a boy he’s never met either! The mum is the problem here.

OrigamiOwls · 15/09/2023 15:39

Why aren't you speaking to the other parent? Seems a bit harsh for you to just leave it on your son.

Rinoachicken · 15/09/2023 15:40

You just go round (or drop a note through the door if you must) that simply says

It is not appropriate for my child to be responsible for another younger child he does not know. You will need to make alternative arrangements if you child is unable to walk to school himself.

MzHz · 15/09/2023 15:40

I say this as a parent of a year 12. We did the legwork to make sure ds was able to walk to and from primary school because we knew he’d have to get him on the bus on his own etc

we being me and ds. I was a single parent

SpacePotato · 15/09/2023 15:40

You know your son doesn't feel happy or comfortable doing this yet you refuse to advocate for him?

Go tell the other parent it's not happening.

Most year 7's get themselves to school. Not your fault she wants to baby her son and pay for taxis.

Torontonoob · 15/09/2023 15:41

Ha! Now that's some cheeky fuckery. Stick up for your DS, be his advocate and teach him not to people please!

LemonLight · 15/09/2023 15:43

I think you should stick up for your son.

Saschka · 15/09/2023 15:43

My son barely had chance to speak and she just said thank you so much and walked away!

And why didn’t you shout after her “excuse me! No my son is not babysitting sitting yours to and from school every day”

You are not sticking up for your son here. You are teaching him to be a doormat.

SummerInSun · 15/09/2023 15:45

Agree this isn't a good idea. If the kid is late does she expect your DC to wait and be late? If your DC wants to go early and meet friends or has a club or music rehearsal or something what then? What if your DC is off school sick? But also, is she going to hold your DC responsible for anything that might go wrong with her DC?

I'd also say you need to go and see her and say that you understand how nerve wracking it is when you first let them walk to school alone but your son has been doing it X years, never had a problem, very safe neighbourhood, etc.

Might be nice if your DC would walk with him the first day or two though.

ohtowinthelottery · 15/09/2023 15:45

As she didn't give your DS a chance to respond, he can just go and knock on neighbour's door and say "I've thought about your request and I'm sorry but I won't be able to do that. You'll have to make other arrangements" and walk away.

HonoriaLucastaDelagardie · 15/09/2023 15:46

No your son should not just suck it up.

This mother is doing her son no favours. He's being made to look different by rolling up in a taxi each day, and he's being deprived of the opportunity to develop friendships on the way to and from school.

And why on earth can't a Yr 7 walk 10-15 minutes to school each day on his own?

jlpth · 15/09/2023 15:49

If he barely had a chance to speak, then he didn't agree and he can just not do it (without even telling her). What an entitled woman. If she then yaps about him not doing it, you or him just need to say that no agreement was made because she didn't give him a chance to speak.

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 15/09/2023 15:50

You need to tell her that while you're happy for your son to walk to school without an adult, he's not old enough to be responsible for a younger child, and you will not allow it. You need to step in and be the adult in his corner here, he can't be expected to stand up against a random adult at 13, it's too much.

Don't give 'reasons' like he doesn't know him, or sometimes doesn't walk. She'll just come up with ways to 'solve' them. Just say no. Not happening.

If you do nothing, he will either handle it badly with the yr7 and be accused of bullying, abandon the kid and get in the shit for that, or be 'rude' to the neighbour and be berated for that.

StripeyDeckchair · 15/09/2023 15:50

If something happens to the Y7 on the way to school the parent will hold your son responsible.

I would be round there like a flash. How dare she bully my son into babysitting her child. I would not permit this to happen.
She's a CF if you let this slide she will take more & more advantage of your son / you.

This is an important life lesson for your son. It is OK to stand up for yourself & say no, do not let others take advantage

Spaghettihulahoops · 15/09/2023 15:54

I agree with everyone else, you need to step on here and make it clear your ds will not be doing this.

Gymmum82 · 15/09/2023 15:54

Just leave without the other kid. Job done. You shouldn’t have to intervene and she didn’t wait for a reply. If she comes back and asks why he left without him just say his reply was no. But you didn’t wait to hear it.
My ‘friends’ used to regularly leave without me at high school so I had to walk alone. They would just walk past my house without stopping

coxesorangepippin · 15/09/2023 15:58

What everyone said

He's not a babysitter

cheddercherry · 15/09/2023 15:58

I’d just pop a note in saying your child isn’t responsible for other kids. What if he wants to go to friends houses/ clubs/ has detention? He shouldn’t have to wait for a kid he doesn’t even know? And how does she even know he walks to school? Has she just been surveying your street for passing kids to dump her kid on? Really odd.

ZadocPDederick · 15/09/2023 15:59

I am not going to tell the other mum my son isn't happy but I do see his point. He shouldn't be responsible for someone else's child. Should he just suck it up?

Why on earth not? In this situation I would feel totally free to tell the woman concerned that I did not want my son to have to be responsible for a younger child and it is simply not going to happen. If you don't want to speak to her direct, put a polite but very firm note through the door.

Original poster
SunSeaSand55 · 15/09/2023 15:59

I honestly thought you would all say it was mean not to! I was working and didn't have time to chat. I was in the middle of something and had to unlock the door to let him in and neighbour was stood there too! She didn't give me or him chance to speak. I was a bit shocked and felt put on the spot and pressured. I just imagined the Yr 7 boy just following them really and no one speaking to him which does make me sad as it isn't his fault!

OP posts:
whatchulookinatwillis · 15/09/2023 16:01

Go and speak to her and say that if she wants your son to babysit hers on the school run then it's £10 per day, so £50 per week, payable in advance every Sunday.

No money, no childcare.

If she tries to claim it's not babysitting/childcare then she must be happy for her son to walk alone and problem solved.