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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My son being told to walk to school with another child!

282 replies

SunSeaSand55 · 15/09/2023 15:32

My son is in Yr 9 and walks the 10 - 15 min walk to school with his friend who lives over the road. Coming home today our new neighbour asks to speak to him and says her son has just started in Yr 7 and she's having to pay for a taxi to take him as she's working and doesn't want him walking alone. She then asked if they could walk together. My son barely had chance to speak and she just said thank you so much and walked away! As a working parent myself I totally get where she's coming from but think it's a bit cheeky. My son walked on his own right from the beginning until several weeks in when he made friends. He is now stropping as he doesn't want to have a Yr 7 walking with him! Apparently it's very uncool and Yr 9 do not associate with younger year groups!!
I am not going to tell the other mum my son isn't happy but I do see his point. He shouldn't be responsible for someone else's child. Should he just suck it up?

OP posts:
aloris · 15/09/2023 16:34

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 15/09/2023 15:50

You need to tell her that while you're happy for your son to walk to school without an adult, he's not old enough to be responsible for a younger child, and you will not allow it. You need to step in and be the adult in his corner here, he can't be expected to stand up against a random adult at 13, it's too much.

Don't give 'reasons' like he doesn't know him, or sometimes doesn't walk. She'll just come up with ways to 'solve' them. Just say no. Not happening.

If you do nothing, he will either handle it badly with the yr7 and be accused of bullying, abandon the kid and get in the shit for that, or be 'rude' to the neighbour and be berated for that.

This. Also, as another person pointed out, if he takes this task on, and is ever late, or the other child is running late, or your son is sick, or wants to stay late at school for a club, this entitled and presumptuous other mother will likely blame any negative effects experienced by her son, on your son. Don't put your child in that position. You need to stand up for him. I would also say, do not let this happen even once, as the other mother will just take it as "silence implies consent" and will take advantage.

Hairyfairy01 · 15/09/2023 16:35

What is your son meant to do after school, hang around and wait for him? I would just tell the other mum that it doesn't work for your son.

Oioicaptain · 15/09/2023 16:35

Gosh, I must be in a minority here, but I always encourage my kids to look out for younger ones, particularly when starting a new school. I don't think that it's an unreasonable request at all, if it's just short term whilst he settles in. I'm sure that in a days or weeks he will be used to walking to school and his mum will have relaxed and your son will be fine to ditch him. Personally I would encourage it for a few days and then, if it's not working out, speak to the mother.

ittakes2 · 15/09/2023 16:37

No way should you suggest he sucks it up! He needs to learn to set his boundaries and that its important others respect them. Making him do something some stranger insist he does for another stranger is not a good idea.

ManateeFair · 15/09/2023 16:40

Rudeface · 15/09/2023 16:04

Ds was walking to school with his friend in year 7. A woman asked friends mum if her daughter could walk with them. It was ok. The girl walked in the front and boys chatted behind her. They didn't really interact too much.

But if your son was in Y7, presumably they were all the same age, just walking in together. That's quite different to what's happening here, which is the neighbour asking two older kids to keep an eye on a younger one.

hdbs17 · 15/09/2023 16:40

Speak to the other parent for crying out loud!!!

Why are you happy for your 13/14 year old son to be responsible for this younger boy? What's your son going to get out of this arrangement whilst the boys mum is gaining no longer having to pay for a taxi! Why is her problem now your sons problem!

Rudeface · 15/09/2023 16:41

@ManateeFair Ds is now in year 9 and walks with dd year 7 to school.

CherryMaDeara · 15/09/2023 16:42

Never reward people who ambush children like this.

Stand up for your son and tell him he is not take this boy.

hdbs17 · 15/09/2023 16:42

Rudeface · 15/09/2023 16:41

@ManateeFair Ds is now in year 9 and walks with dd year 7 to school.

But they're siblings.....

Beautiful3 · 15/09/2023 16:43

I think he could do it just for the first few days? If they don't get on, he could leave earlier to avoid him?

Undisclosedlocation · 15/09/2023 16:43

Jeez OP, stop being so wet and stand up for your son!
He is in no way obligated to look after random children for CF’s on his way to school. It is your job to prevent grown adult’s bullying him into doing things which make him uncomfortable
Get round there and tell her no!

followmyflow · 15/09/2023 16:44

cant your son just walk him for a week or 2 until he gets used to it? once the year 7 boy knows the way he'll be walking on his own or with other friends no problem. laughing at the younger year comment - in my day that was true too but exceptions were made for occasional walks to school! :D

Spaghettihulahoops · 15/09/2023 16:45

hdbs17 · 15/09/2023 16:42

But they're siblings.....

Show quote history

Plus after they leave the house together you have no idea if they actually do walk all the way together.

BoohooWoohoo · 15/09/2023 16:46

Why wouldn't you stand up for your son? No way should he have to suck it up.
Now is the best time to practice the walk to school as it's not dark, wet and icy yet. The mum needs to spend weekends practicing the walk to school or take him herself.

EarthlyNightshade · 15/09/2023 16:48

followmyflow · 15/09/2023 16:44

cant your son just walk him for a week or 2 until he gets used to it? once the year 7 boy knows the way he'll be walking on his own or with other friends no problem. laughing at the younger year comment - in my day that was true too but exceptions were made for occasional walks to school! :D

Would you practise walking to school with your own Y7 or would you leave it to a Y9 that you don't even know?
(OP Y9 might be lovely, but I know plenty who use the journey for smoking/vaping etc)

GrumpyDIL · 15/09/2023 16:50

Rudeface · 15/09/2023 16:41

@ManateeFair Ds is now in year 9 and walks with dd year 7 to school.

Ahem, can you really not see the difference? 😂

CapEBarra · 15/09/2023 16:50

This is easy. Just go to the woman, ‘I understand you have asked my son to walk your son to school. He doesn’t want to do that so you’ll have to make alternative arrangements’.

saltrocking · 15/09/2023 16:50

I was approached by a couple of parents when my DD was at high school. They asked me if she would walk with their dc till they were more confident to go alone. Well actually it was one stop on the train and then a 15 minute walk. I then asked my DD and she was happy to. But she's being very cheeky to ask your child like that, and very cheeky to just say thanks etc without him agreeing. I'd be round like a shot putting her straight.

Thementalloadisreal · 15/09/2023 16:50

Personally I don’t think it’s great to allow your teen to prioritise being “cool” over being kind.
Yeah it would be an imposition long term, but why not offer to walk with the boy for the first few days until he’s got the hang of it then they can walk separately again.
I imagine an offer like that from an older boy would mean an awful lot to the younger one, in terms of confidence and adjusting to the new school.
I know many people said they prepped their kids for the walk etc which is great but I expect if an older kid had offered the same when your son was just starting it would have been appreciated.

AbsoluteYawns · 15/09/2023 16:51

OP go and set the record straight. Your neighbour is being the ultimate CF

GrumpyDIL · 15/09/2023 16:51

@Thementalloadisreal why should OP and her son reward their demanding and irrational neighbour?

ICanBuyMyOwnBooks · 15/09/2023 16:53

Even if my DS was happy to walk the other DC to school, I'd still be going to the neighbour to work out exactly what she thought she'd asked and what she thought DS was agreeing to ... and to point out she should have come to me first.
And I get on well with my neighbours. Our DCs are all friends. But I wouldn't be leaving a Yr 9 to deal with this.

Goldbar · 15/09/2023 16:55

Just tell your son it's up to him and he doesn't have to turn up.

She's not his parent or an authority figure. She's not paying him and hasn't employed him. He didn't agree to it.

He doesn't have to do as she says but neither does he (or you) owe her an explanation.

DragonFly98 · 15/09/2023 16:55

It's a great opportunity to teach your son about putting others before themselves. Yes it may "not be cool" but you will do him a huge favour my teaching him that doesn't matter.

DrMarshaFieldstone · 15/09/2023 16:56

Thementalloadisreal · 15/09/2023 16:50

Personally I don’t think it’s great to allow your teen to prioritise being “cool” over being kind.
Yeah it would be an imposition long term, but why not offer to walk with the boy for the first few days until he’s got the hang of it then they can walk separately again.
I imagine an offer like that from an older boy would mean an awful lot to the younger one, in terms of confidence and adjusting to the new school.
I know many people said they prepped their kids for the walk etc which is great but I expect if an older kid had offered the same when your son was just starting it would have been appreciated.

Edited

Literally half of AIBU would disappear overnight if the OPs had had someone who stood up for them in their teens and taught them that they didn’t need to sacrifice their own preferences for the sake of someone else’s dereliction of duty.

Are you seriously suggesting that this 14 year old should pick up the pieces for an adult who hasn’t made the proper arrangements for their own child?

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