My son being told to walk to school with another child!

[SunSeaSand55]

My son is in Yr 9 and walks the 10 - 15 min walk to school with his friend who lives over the road. Coming home today our new neighbour asks to speak to him and says her son has just started in Yr 7 and she's having to pay for a taxi to take him as she's working and doesn't want him walking alone. She then asked if they could walk together. My son barely had chance to speak and she just said thank you so much and walked away! As a working parent myself I totally get where she's coming from but think it's a bit cheeky. My son walked on his own right from the beginning until several weeks in when he made friends. He is now stropping as he doesn't want to have a Yr 7 walking with him! Apparently it's very uncool and Yr 9 do not associate with younger year groups!!
I am not going to tell the other mum my son isn't happy but I do see his point. He shouldn't be responsible for someone else's child. Should he just suck it up?

Ds is now in yr 9. He is not cool enough for my yr7dd to walk with. I'm not sure she even wants to be associated at school with him.

I would bet that most of the others are already making their own way to and from school. He'll be in the minority.

I wouldn't be so sure. The schools near us have parents walking hand in hand with their yr7 children and then waiting at the gates for them after school. My dc who are a few years older, started before covid, have been incredulous as even if I had to pick them up it was always a few streets away.

she gets a taxi for a ten minute walk -jesus christ what a waste of money

its her fault she hasnt prepared him for this not your sons responsibilty

Me too - it's quite shocking that the year 9 couldn't look out for the younger boy for a few days until he gets used to it. I am guessing this is neighbour's eldest or only and we're all a little bit precious about them to begin with.

Well over 40 years ago, when we had to bus to school from out of town, my bus friend and I noticed a mum getting the bus with her 1st year daughter. She obviously had been 'scoping' to see who she might entrust with helping out her precious only child, and so, after a few days, she asked the pair of us to keep an eye on her and make sure she didn't get on the wrong bus.

We were happy to do it and though she was a few years younger, we stayed friends for the rest of our schooldays.

I think it's mean tbh. Older kids should be encouraged to be kind to the younger ones.

There is some weaponised passive-aggressive guilting on this thread.

A Year 7 who can’t do a ten-minute walk independently either has particular needs or vulnerabilities or very overbearing parents. All of these are the responsibility of the parent and not of a fourteen year old child.

I don’t think they should.
I think they should have some empathy for the younger boy and that spending 15 mins for 2-3 days making his life a little nicer wouldn’t hurt. Especially if he’s going that way anyway. Would probably mean a lot to the boy. We’ve all been nervous year 7s at some point.
For clarification I don’t give 2 hoots about the mum. And I don’t think it should be a long term thing.

Maybe because she had the opportunity to disagree at the time and didn't, even if it was a quick conversation, and now doesn't want to back track despite her DS not wanting to do it.

Jeez what happened to ‘it takes a village’ and all that??

I think if the y7 child actually had additional needs and a care plan the school would be providing a taxi.
Sounds like an anxious parent to me.

Eh? Why aren’t you speaking up for your son? That woman’s child is not his responsibility for heaven’s sake.

This pop a note through the letter box

Dear ?

I’m sorry I know your name or you, or your son or family at all - do we? I am wondering why you thought you would tell my 13 year son that he was going to be babysitting your son walking them to and from school without giving him or me a question asking the above?

Just to clarify - My son is not walking with yours, he has his own friends, schedule, clubs and family events and is not a free babysitter. You can’t tell children they are responsible for other children without even any courtesy to discuss. You are responsible for your son. It’s a no here.

kind regards

the family at number 2

A year 7 kid is only 11 it’s really not unusual to be nervous of a new journey.

It’s really not about the older kid “being responsible” for the younger one but just showing him the way.

I’d hope that parents encourage their children to look out for others if they’re nervous, lost or upset, in or out of school!

You need to tell her she had a fucking nerve talking to your son and effectively telling him what to do.

Then you need to add that he won't be taking any responsibility for walking her kid, that her kid needs to do what all the other kids who walk do, learn some independence. Or she keeps paying for that taxi. Her choice.

Which is why it is the parent’s responsibility to prepare the child by walking the route together at different times of the day during the spring and summer before they start. Why should a fourteen year old compensate for a basic failure of parenting?

That's fine. It's what happens naturally as kids walk to and from school.

But a parent demanding that another kid who isn't in her own or her sons friendship circle is overstepping themself.

This has to be done with consent or it could have all sorts of unintended ramifications. Mostly an older child feeling put upon and resentful...

I work with teenagers as a secondary school teacher. Beneath the bravado they generally are very kind indeed and will help each other in an emergency. You can think it’s important for teens to be kind AND think that OP’s DS shouldn’t have to capitulate to a manipulative parent who isn’t doing her job.

No-one yet seems to have an answer for @DrMarshaFieldstone about why the mother approached the son and not his parent. Obviously it is because she knew the request was unreasonable and knew that a child would be more easily manipulated into saying yes. #BeKind your way out of that.

Surely,at that age, they all walk along or together?

I had to get two buses - it wasn't a drama. Mates travelled together. Others travelled alone.😗

you should say that YOU're not happy and not put it on your son, imo. the other mother will tell her son your son said that. Be the bigger adult and just explain the situation and that she needs to find another way. I also think it's cheeky and also weird she did this. It's nothing to do with being cool/uncool. You son shouldn't feel obliged to sort out their childcare.

Focus on the responsibility. Occasionally children are ill, Covid is still about and your child if unlucky to catch it you would keep off school.

Say no. I'd say no on the grounds of not even giving a chance to consider it and just walking away.

I think that if your son was okay with it, it might be kind to walk the younger kid to school once or twice to ensure he knows the route and where it’s safe to cross. But as with others, my dc walked from age 11, and after the first week were confident doing it alone.

This.

Oh that's not on at all

I appreciate she may have a difficult job but she needs to put the time in now to support her own child's ability to get themself to school.

I would simply say no, your child isn't going to do this.

By about 3 weeks in one of mine was going in randomly early to play football/meet his mates before (another one was habitually late).

There's a big gap between keeping an eye out for a neighbourhood kid and being told by their parent that are now responsible for walking them to school.

To those saying to do it for a week or two/a few days, this is a mother who at present sends her son to school in a taxi, spoke to OP's son not OP and basically told him that her son would be walking with him (as in she didn't give him enough time to say no).

There's not a snowball in hell's chance that this would only be short term. The mother will still be expecting this when her precious child is sitting his GCSEs.

Why haven't his parents done that with him, over the summer or last term?

She should have spoken to you, not to your son. Then you and your son could have dealt with it privately before responding., However ... I think both you and your son are being very unreasonable .
it would be helpful to a younger pupil if your son accompany him to school.
You need to sit down with other parent and draw up some rule - eg:
he can say you agreed it, thereby not being responsible for the deal in the eyes of his peers.
you need to agree with other parent that your son isn't responsible for anything that happens on the journey (he is also a child after all)
if protogee is not at designed pick up points at designated times, your child is free from obligation to wait.
everyone should think of it as a "big brother, little brother" deal. But at the same time, there has to be a reward in this for your child, otherwise it's altruism, and where is that going to get you in the end????