My son being told to walk to school with another child!

[SunSeaSand55]

My son is in Yr 9 and walks the 10 - 15 min walk to school with his friend who lives over the road. Coming home today our new neighbour asks to speak to him and says her son has just started in Yr 7 and she's having to pay for a taxi to take him as she's working and doesn't want him walking alone. She then asked if they could walk together. My son barely had chance to speak and she just said thank you so much and walked away! As a working parent myself I totally get where she's coming from but think it's a bit cheeky. My son walked on his own right from the beginning until several weeks in when he made friends. He is now stropping as he doesn't want to have a Yr 7 walking with him! Apparently it's very uncool and Yr 9 do not associate with younger year groups!!
I am not going to tell the other mum my son isn't happy but I do see his point. He shouldn't be responsible for someone else's child. Should he just suck it up?

To be honest she as an adult should have approached you not a minor. Tell your son to tell that boy he can only go to the top or around the corner with him then he's on his own. If mum then has a problem. Then he can say, well your son knows part of the way now I was hel

It's too late now, but what she should have really done was to have done the walk with her son several times during the summer holiday so that he was very familiar with it and then he would have been happy to walk alone. Her son and your son and his friend might have naturally become friends over time.

Your son and her son may not be compatible. Forcing a friendship is unlikely to work and your son and his friend might just ignore her son which, would make him even more miserable.

If it really is only 10-15 minute walk then of course he should be able to do it by himself. There might be a main road to cross which might make the mum a little anxious but if she shows him the safe place to cross that should help. She could now walk with him a few times at the weekend and allow friendships to happen (or not) naturally. There may turn out to be others in his year, or even his class, doing the same walk.

The parent needs to sort it out. If he can't be unsupervised in year 7 then she needs to pay for the taxi or, if she hasn't already tried, train him up. I've seen year 7 being collected from the school gate by over anxious parents this year. They are NOT doing their children a good service.

I agree with @Mummyoflittledragon , it was insensitive of you to tell a disabled woman how you prepared your child for school by following her repeatedly when she has just said she is disabled and couldn’t walk her child to school.

The poster has a disability, it’s not a ‘luxury’ for her to rely on someone else to walk her dd, FFS. Give your head a wobble.

So the yr 7 boy didn't turn up this morning! I saw his mum on Saturday and explained my son and his friends would be happy to have him walk with them for 1 - 2 days so he knew where he was going but after then they didn't want to as they meet with others on the way etc.
She said that's fine. Asked again what time they set off then said he might be late! I reiterated the time they leave. My son's friend called 5 minutes earlier than usual for him (the little sods were trying to get out of it!) But I said they had to wait until the agreed time. He still didn't come so they left. Saw mum go past my window about 15 minutes later so she must have been taking him.

SunSeaSand55 Well done. You got it just right.

Where I live, as soon as Myself and a number of the other parents know there's a child in our immediate area starting comprehensive school we make a point of asking that child and their parents if they would like to walk with our children for the first few weeks whilst they figure out their way and find friends of their own to walk with. They walk in a gang of about 7 or 8, ranging all ages where the elder kids keep an eye out on the younger ones, not taking responsibility, they would never be blamed if something bad happened but they all know if you see someone in trouble and theres anything you can do to help, you should.. thats just how not to be a crappy person. When they get closer to the school they all kind of break off as they stumble across there own friends. My son doesn't have a say in the matter, neither do the other children, especially on the back of it not being cool, cool kids don't care what's cool, that's what makes them cool!. Shocked at how many mothers are so unkind.. bet you all share the "be kind" memes on your social media thoughy ay?!. Half of you probably even bought the T-shirt!.
All that's wrong with the world!

How is not giving your own child a say in who he walks to school with being kind?
Kindness should spring from an individual, not be something forced on us by others.

Place123
You're sort of missing the point. It's irrelevant what other parents arrange between themselves for their children.

It's not the act of an older child walking with a younger child to school that makes something cheeky or unreasonable. Likes probably dozens of people have said the mother here could have spoken to OP earlier instead of changing her arm by catching a child to offload the school run onto.

What makes it cheeky and unreasonable is when another parent assumes they can push other children/families into sorting their school transport arrangements out for them.

OP Sounds like you handled it well, made an arrangement with the parent and then they've chosen not to bother.

Well done, no one should force their child to be reasonable for someone else's child. It's down to that child's parent/s, to make sure their own child gets to school safely! And, it has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with being unkind, it's about what's right for your own child!!

Well said!

He has a say in who he walks to school with, he meets up with his friends along the way or they will call for him if they have to pass our area on route and he will call for others that are further along route. And the kids that are walking with him have the choice to either go along with him or break off in there own. The only thing he's not aloud to do is tell the younger kids they're not allowed to walk with him because it's not cool.. that's unkind!

She hadn't asked him to transport the child, there was no mention of a piggy back. She simply asked one of the older boys in the street if her son could walk with him whilst he settles in. She probably grew up in a nice neighbourhood where that kind of behaviour is normal.
The kids mother has probably realised her mistake was to assume that she lived in a nice neighbourhood with nice people trying to raise nice children once confronted and decided she will figure something else out, where her and her child would feel less unwelcome.
Well done for confronting her though and being so obviously unwelcoming to the idea that she relented before her son had to go through the experience of being made to feel a hindrance by your son and his friend on the way to school. All the best to the year 7 kid, hopefully this will make him want to be one of the nicer older boys.

😂😂😂😂

Place123
Yes

place 123 - spot on. Some peoples view of kindness is bizarre

@Place123

very dramatic!
In reality the other mum was just trying to save herself the taxi fare!
I find it very cheeky of her to then say (after op offered for the yr 7 to walk with them the first week or whatever) ‘oh he might be a bit late!’……. No, because if he’s late the boys will go without him!… does she really think her and her son are so entitled to make others late!

I reckon her child didn't even want to walk with yours! She was just being overprotective!

100%.. my daughter would be mortified if I asked older kids to baby sit walk her school

@SunSeaSand55 - now that the kids have been back at school a while, has there been any further requests from CF Mum?

I think your son needs to be paid to walk this kid to school. At least he will be “cool” because he’s earning money and being paid for it.

it’s worth at least £5 a day.

I wouldn't charge for what is simply a favour

@tommyhoundmum why should op"s so do a favour every day for a random neighbour who asked out of the blue?

If you use the "to teach him how to be kind" i. e. To cover everything we want others to do for free card, then do you? Any random person that wants your time 5 days a week of benefit to them but not to you, you are happy to do that?

You must be run off your feet then, free childcare, free lifts, unpaid work, free gardening... everyone round to yours for anything they want!👍👍!!

Ot is it only other's time you are so free with giving away? 🤣@tommyhoundmum@tommyhoundmum

Sorry, didn't mean to @ you so many times!!

PorridgeonToast

My young ward and I read your post with some surprise. She came to me aged one and is now aged 20. I shall be 80 in a couple of years. We help our neighbours when asked, as they help us. We believe in a hand up not a hand out and that has served us well. I don't ask others to do anything I wouldn't do myself. In this part of London being a good neighbour comes with the territory.