My son being told to walk to school with another child!

[SunSeaSand55]

My son is in Yr 9 and walks the 10 - 15 min walk to school with his friend who lives over the road. Coming home today our new neighbour asks to speak to him and says her son has just started in Yr 7 and she's having to pay for a taxi to take him as she's working and doesn't want him walking alone. She then asked if they could walk together. My son barely had chance to speak and she just said thank you so much and walked away! As a working parent myself I totally get where she's coming from but think it's a bit cheeky. My son walked on his own right from the beginning until several weeks in when he made friends. He is now stropping as he doesn't want to have a Yr 7 walking with him! Apparently it's very uncool and Yr 9 do not associate with younger year groups!!
I am not going to tell the other mum my son isn't happy but I do see his point. He shouldn't be responsible for someone else's child. Should he just suck it up?

Why haven't his parents done that with him, over the summer or last term?

Wow you're all so mean!

So she's a new neighbour, potentially with work and moving she hasn't yet had chance to scope out the route and asked if ops Ds would walk with him, presumably he's nervous about the first time in a new school and area, and doesn't want his mum coming with so she's asked if he'd walk with him, I'd assume just to show him the route for a day. No mention of it being anything more, of him being responsible for him - literally nothing alluding to that and it's telling the op was going to tell her son to suck it up so from that I'd assume it wasn't a big deal or made into one.

And tbh a 13 year old is more than capable of making the decision to walk with someone to school, if I'm asking something of a 13 year old I'd address them not their mum, that's so disrespectful to go over their head when it concerns them doing something.

It's not a bad thing to promote kindness over being 'cool'. Some of these responses are abhorrent!! I've been asked this by a neighbour for our ten yo children, here's everyone walks and has independence early on, it wasn't a problem and the kids don't always walk together but those first couple of days weren't a big ask. FFS what is wrong with people 🤯

My DC would be fuming - it’s social suicide nowadays to associate with kids from younger years 🙄. Crazy but true so no, this is not ok and totally ridiculous of the mum.

Because they've just moved according to op 🙄

@IsItThough i agree the parents should have done it - I certainly did with my dc. Just suggesting something that might resolve the situation and give the dc the independence he needs.

I agree with everyone that it’s not the OP’s responsibility or the son’s: I was just suggesting a small kindness which might make the problem resolve.

I’m in the minority here, with caveats

the neighbour was out of order the way she asked but I would still encourage my DS to help others

Surely he’s old enough to understand that it was clumsy and wrong to approach it like that but he will come out the better person if you and he agree to do it temporarily with a definite end date and you say explicitly to her in his presence that the way she spoke to him was out of order.

also agree that mum and son should be practicing this weekend

we also don’t have lots of details. How new is new neighbour? 3 months, 2 weeks? Maybe she had to move quickly, maybe from a completely different area, and didn’t have the luxury of practicing.

But where are you getting the 2 or 3 days from? It sounds more like the other mum is regarding this as a permanent, unpaid babysitting arrangement. The year 7 child started school 2 weeks ago and the mum has done nothing to prepare him and is just seeing OP's child as a free option to save money.

OP is also doing little to help her own child and seems to be just ignoring him and hoping that her child goes along with this unwanted chore because it means a quieter life for her.

moving she hasn't yet had chance to scope out the route

Evenings weekends - I mean make time for your own child!

I wouldn’t want my children to have that responsibility unless they wanted it. They do get a choice.

This.

No he should not have to do that. Tell him to avoid their house. Leave yours and walk fast out of view. Cheeky lady.

Do you have contact details?

If so, I'd message: 'hi Sarah, we were all in a rush today so I didn't get a chance to clarify, but I definitely can't ask poor Adam to commit to walking with Bobby to school. He's usually hanging out with his y9 mates, & he walked independently from y7. There's all sorts going on afterschool, too, so Bobby would be on his own on the way back anyway.

I'm sure Bobby will find his feet!

All the best,

OP.'

If no obvious way of finding mum & saying this, I might treat my ds to a lift/taxi for the first week.

This puts the onus on her to either accept the situation or find you to discuss it, at which point, response as above.

Obviously you should not have to, but my concern would be that otherwise her y7 just tags on. It's not HIS fault.

& then either you're saddled with the arrangement, or you/ds have to pointedly & explicitly terminate it. Mean to the y7 with a CFer mum, & awkward for your ds.

Why would a Y7 need walking to school?
At that age they all get themselves to school surely

Stand up for your son and tell her that her son is NOT your son's responsibility!! Why on earth wouldn't you ??

But you know I don't suppose they are in witness protection and arrived by surprise, or had no idea that going to school would be a thing?

Its about the level of expectation. If the child had been helped already to learn the route and the parent had asked if OPs son could just keep an eye out for a day or two that is one thing - and perfectly fine. But it appears the poor kids just been shoved in a taxi and his mum wants him babysitting. Of course we don't know what is going on in their lives, but it isn't reasonable of her.

Plenty of what ifs - OP's kid is sick/late/doesn't have to go in/needs to go in early/wants to hang out with mates before going in. Neighbours kid is loose cannon/doesn't know how to cross the road/gets upset and OPs kid has to deal with it.

How is said child going to get home as well?

I think you could agree to maybe 3 days for them to walk together and then the yr 7 should be fine. DS has to take the train to school and we did a couple of practice runs, took him the first day and then left him to it.

So a short walk should be absolutely fine.

I would go around and speak to her and just be honest. Tell her she might not know what teens are like yet but is super uncool at school to hang about with anyone from the younger years so your son does not want to do it.

Perhaps, if you want to be kind and with your sons permission, tell her you son did it alone at first and there are plenty of kids on the same route so it is safe enough but if her son is nervous your son could walk with him for 2-3 days so he knows where he is going etc. Just make sure to be clear and set boundaries. Don't say he can walk with them until he is comfortable say an exact number of days.

My daughter escorted a year 7 girl to school for 2 years when she was in years 10 and 11. It was a tube and bus journey. Not cool but she didn't mind. I hadn't realised it might have been an issue.

If your DS doesn't want to do it, you cannot and should not force him. Even siblings hate walking with their younger ones at secondary! It's not just him it impacts either - it means his friend over the road would have to walk with the younger boy too or he'll have to go separately.

Just drop a note in saying your DS felt put on the spot and doesn't want to do it. These people are not your friends so it makes no odds if they get annoyed.

Also, any parent who doesn't want a Y7 to walk just 10-15 mins by themselves and is so cautious they've been getting them a taxi doesn't sound like they'll be easy to deal. Presuming she expects them to walk home too, what if your DS is running late and her kid is left waiting or yours wants to do an after-school club - will she expect hers to sit on the sidelines waiting for him? Nah, sounds too precious and a no-win situation.

Can they leave 5 minutes early and stay out of view?

would he do it for hard cash? £2 each way

It's the very beginning of the school year so most likely their ages are 11 and 13. I wouldn't expect a 13 year old my child didn't even know to be responsible for escorting him to school. Plus who's to say, if they don't get on, whether they would behave sensibly, especially the younger one? The main thing that would put me off doing this favour, though, is the way the mum "asked" but said thanks before the child could respond, so effectively dumping the task on him rather than genuinely requesting a favour. That sort of person is going to be trouble later on. Bet you find the kid left at your house for hours after school in a scarily short time - "Mum has to work late, she said it was ok to stay at your house" - you know how these things end up. Nip it in the bud, I say!

The uncool thing is a red herring though, I wouldn't encourage that attitude. A truly cool teen doesn't need to hold onto his dignity by ignoring pre-teens; his peers will accept that if he does it, it IS cool.

Was there a reason why a Y8, which presumably she was after 2 years, couldn't manage the journey on her own? Did your DD not do any extra curricular activities in that time?
Did the girl's mum ask her to do it?

So what are you going to do about it for your son’s sake?

Jesus, its just asking kids to be friendly!
No one is asking him to parent the boy!