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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My son being told to walk to school with another child!

282 replies

SunSeaSand55 · 15/09/2023 15:32

My son is in Yr 9 and walks the 10 - 15 min walk to school with his friend who lives over the road. Coming home today our new neighbour asks to speak to him and says her son has just started in Yr 7 and she's having to pay for a taxi to take him as she's working and doesn't want him walking alone. She then asked if they could walk together. My son barely had chance to speak and she just said thank you so much and walked away! As a working parent myself I totally get where she's coming from but think it's a bit cheeky. My son walked on his own right from the beginning until several weeks in when he made friends. He is now stropping as he doesn't want to have a Yr 7 walking with him! Apparently it's very uncool and Yr 9 do not associate with younger year groups!!
I am not going to tell the other mum my son isn't happy but I do see his point. He shouldn't be responsible for someone else's child. Should he just suck it up?

OP posts:
TurqoiseJasper · 15/09/2023 16:57

Thementalloadisreal · 15/09/2023 16:50

Personally I don’t think it’s great to allow your teen to prioritise being “cool” over being kind.
Yeah it would be an imposition long term, but why not offer to walk with the boy for the first few days until he’s got the hang of it then they can walk separately again.
I imagine an offer like that from an older boy would mean an awful lot to the younger one, in terms of confidence and adjusting to the new school.
I know many people said they prepped their kids for the walk etc which is great but I expect if an older kid had offered the same when your son was just starting it would have been appreciated.

Edited

Why not offer to walk him the first few days???

Because that was her job as his mother, to prepare him, not to expect another teenage boy to do her job for her.

ihadamarveloustime · 15/09/2023 16:57

I would not make my Year 9 do this ... unless they wanted to and were getting paid properly for it.

ihadamarveloustime · 15/09/2023 16:59

Thementalloadisreal · 15/09/2023 16:50

Personally I don’t think it’s great to allow your teen to prioritise being “cool” over being kind.
Yeah it would be an imposition long term, but why not offer to walk with the boy for the first few days until he’s got the hang of it then they can walk separately again.
I imagine an offer like that from an older boy would mean an awful lot to the younger one, in terms of confidence and adjusting to the new school.
I know many people said they prepped their kids for the walk etc which is great but I expect if an older kid had offered the same when your son was just starting it would have been appreciated.

Edited

As someone with 3 teenagers myself, YABU to think it's reasonable to expect a year 9 to walk some random year 7 to school because their parent can't be arsed.

Secondary social scene is hard enough.

ThanksItHasPockets · 15/09/2023 16:59

DragonFly98 · 15/09/2023 16:55

It's a great opportunity to teach your son about putting others before themselves. Yes it may "not be cool" but you will do him a huge favour my teaching him that doesn't matter.

Condemn him to a life of guilt-ridden people-pleasing, you mean.

There’s a reason she approached the child and not the OP. She knew she was out of order and knew she’d be less likely to be told no by a child. Appalling manipulation.

EarthlyNightshade · 15/09/2023 16:59

It's also possible the Y7 wouldn't like it either.
Maybe some would love to walk with the cool older boys, but I would have hated it if my mum had asked two older kids to take me to school.

MatthewsMumFromTikTok · 15/09/2023 17:00

DragonFly98 · 15/09/2023 16:55

It's a great opportunity to teach your son about putting others before themselves. Yes it may "not be cool" but you will do him a huge favour my teaching him that doesn't matter.

Fuck that!

DrMarshaFieldstone · 15/09/2023 17:01

I have one question for the Be Kind crew.

Why do you think the neighbour approached a fourteen year old with this request instead of speaking to his parent?

RedToothBrush · 15/09/2023 17:01

I am not going to tell the other mum my son isn't happy but I do see his point. He shouldn't be responsible for someone else's child. Should he just suck it up?

YABU.

No he shouldn't just suck it up.

YOU as the adult should suck it up and say no this is not ok and you've put your son in a position he is unhappy with and its not his problem to deal with.

Grow a spine.

Topseyt123 · 15/09/2023 17:02

Why the fuck would you NOT go straight round to tell the neighbour that this will NOT be happening??

It is very unfair on your DS, who should not suddenly be made to be responsible for a younger child. That younger child is a year 7 anyway and I would bet that most of the others are already making their own way to and from school. He'll be in the minority.

Stop being so wishy-washy. Stand up for your DS. Now.

Gcsunnyside23 · 15/09/2023 17:02

I think key point is she hasn't established what she's expecting, a friendly let him tag along a couple of times or behind them until he's comfortable walking it or there and back waiting on him for the whole year? The first you could convince your son to be friendly and only if he wants to but the second would be a hard no

mcmooberry · 15/09/2023 17:02

Your son is right, it would be very uncool which unfortunately does matter at that age. My son wouldn't go for this and I wouldn't make him either even though I would have every sympathy for the Year 7 boy if he doesn't have someone to walk to school with.

jeaux90 · 15/09/2023 17:04

Personally I'd be really posed off is someone tried to manipulate/guilt trip my Y9 teen into this

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 15/09/2023 17:04

StripeyDeckchair · 15/09/2023 15:50

If something happens to the Y7 on the way to school the parent will hold your son responsible.

I would be round there like a flash. How dare she bully my son into babysitting her child. I would not permit this to happen.
She's a CF if you let this slide she will take more & more advantage of your son / you.

This is an important life lesson for your son. It is OK to stand up for yourself & say no, do not let others take advantage

This.
Its the thin end of the wedge. Walking home? Coming home with your son when she can't get there in time. The holidays.
I had to put up with someone like this and if you give them an inch they take a mile.
That's not to say be unneighbourly, and I'm sure your son would be kind to the boy once he knows him if the boy was having trouble, but I think her entitled approach has marked her card.

1FootInTheRave · 15/09/2023 17:05

My son is in year 9 and I wouldn't be happy with him doing this. It's not his responsibility.

I would be pissed of she'd even asked tbh.

Topseyt123 · 15/09/2023 17:07

DragonFly98 · 15/09/2023 16:55

It's a great opportunity to teach your son about putting others before themselves. Yes it may "not be cool" but you will do him a huge favour my teaching him that doesn't matter.

Bollocks. It will do him no favours at all.

It's a much better opportunity to demonstrate putting in good boundaries rather than encouraging him to be a doormat.

momonpurpose · 15/09/2023 17:12

whatchulookinatwillis · 15/09/2023 16:01

Go and speak to her and say that if she wants your son to babysit hers on the school run then it's £10 per day, so £50 per week, payable in advance every Sunday.

No money, no childcare.

If she tries to claim it's not babysitting/childcare then she must be happy for her son to walk alone and problem solved.

I love this ! This will stop this cf in her tracks

caringcarer · 15/09/2023 17:12

I'd pop by and say your son does not want to walk to school with a Year 7 child. He walks with his Year 9 friend. You are not going to make him. Walk away quickly, don't give her time to argue

HonoriaLucastaDelagardie · 15/09/2023 17:14

Ds is now in year 9 and walks with dd year 7 to school.

My younger sister wouldn't have been seen dead walking to school with me when we were at secondary school!

Severalreasons · 15/09/2023 17:15

@Oioicaptain i completely agree.

I encourage my dc to help others and to always make sure they stand up for people.

I understand your son doesn't want to but it is that difficult to ask him to do it for a week or 2? After that the yr9 boys could ask the yr7 to walk alone or you could speak to the mum.

Kindness goes a long way

thinkfast · 15/09/2023 17:15

Alternatively, does your DS want to charge a babysitting fee for walking to school with him?

followmyflow · 15/09/2023 17:16

boys should look after each other more. most of them are quite selfish

BoohooWoohoo · 15/09/2023 17:17

The neighbour didn't say can he walk with him as a one off- no end date was mentioned so walking indefinitely could be the expectation.
Plus the Be Kind crew are assuming that the year 7 can't walk it rather than the mum not wanting the year 7 to walk alone.

Metatarse · 15/09/2023 17:21

We moved house just before da yr 7. 30 minute walk. Boy next door was going into yr9. Did I fuck go and ask him to walk ds to school! Neither boy would have appreciated it!

MushMonster · 15/09/2023 17:21

Sorry OP, I am going to differ from other posts.
I would tell my DS to walk the younger child, at least till they make friends with someone else or they get used to the walk and are comfortable.
I do get that this may not be "cool", but it is the kind, responsible thing to do. Your DS can learn to mentor/ coach a peer, to be responsible for younger ones, to look out for them. He is in Year 9, so he definitively should have the skills to do this, easy peasy.
The mother was rude, though, if she did not even give you and your son a chance to speak. I bet you she found awkward to talk to a teenager LOL. But she failed to provide an example of good communication and politeness.

Somaliwildass · 15/09/2023 17:22

He's not been told at all. You said 'She then asked if they could walk together.'

He can either say no or just do it. I don't see why he can't really. Kids walk in big groups and if they're leaving the same place and going the same way home, what's the problem.