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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My son being told to walk to school with another child!

282 replies

SunSeaSand55 · 15/09/2023 15:32

My son is in Yr 9 and walks the 10 - 15 min walk to school with his friend who lives over the road. Coming home today our new neighbour asks to speak to him and says her son has just started in Yr 7 and she's having to pay for a taxi to take him as she's working and doesn't want him walking alone. She then asked if they could walk together. My son barely had chance to speak and she just said thank you so much and walked away! As a working parent myself I totally get where she's coming from but think it's a bit cheeky. My son walked on his own right from the beginning until several weeks in when he made friends. He is now stropping as he doesn't want to have a Yr 7 walking with him! Apparently it's very uncool and Yr 9 do not associate with younger year groups!!
I am not going to tell the other mum my son isn't happy but I do see his point. He shouldn't be responsible for someone else's child. Should he just suck it up?

OP posts:
ZadocPDederick · 15/09/2023 16:01

And why didn’t you shout after her “excuse me! No my son is not babysitting sitting yours to and from school every day”

Because she wasn't there?

Rewis · 15/09/2023 16:01

I am not going to tell the other mum my son isn't happy

Why not? That's exactly what you should do. It's not his responsibility. If they happen to leave at the same time he shouldn't push him on the road. But he might be running late or early and he doesn't need to be in charge of another kid. Also I'd think year 7 is old enough to walk themselves? Is this also after school? Cause that's waaaaay too much.

Alargeoneplease89 · 15/09/2023 16:02

If I was your DS I would charge her 😂

Lindy2 · 15/09/2023 16:03

I think you should just ignore her request.

It's not for her to tell your son he has to do something. It's ok to ask but not to tell.

Your son should just carry on walking to school as he does. I'm assuming the other mum wants him to knock for her son. Once she realises he's not doing that then she can make alternative plans. This is Secondary School now not Primary. It's time for her year 7 to be given some independence and if she can't do that then she sorts out how he gets to school without expecting other people to change their own arrangements.

Rudeface · 15/09/2023 16:04

Ds was walking to school with his friend in year 7. A woman asked friends mum if her daughter could walk with them. It was ok. The girl walked in the front and boys chatted behind her. They didn't really interact too much.

GoryBory · 15/09/2023 16:05

Timeforabiscuit · 15/09/2023 15:37

I think you will need to step in here, and it's a good lesson in assertiveness.

He doesn't want to do it, does the new year 7 kid even feel comfortable with this ?parent is taking liberties, just go over and say your boy isn't in a position to babysit and would rather not have the responsibility.

I agree.

I would tell her that your son doesn’t want that sort of responsibility and it’s unfair to put it on him.

Tell her your son also sometimes gets dropped in and does morning or after school clubs and so can’t guarantee that he’d be there anyway.

Oblomov23 · 15/09/2023 16:05

Good god, ffs step in here and stick up for your son!

Stompythedinosaur · 15/09/2023 16:05

Yes she's cheeky.

I'd have a word with the other mum and be clear your ds is free to walk with his friends.

PinkRoses1245 · 15/09/2023 16:11

just say your DS isn't comfortable being responsible for a younger kid. And the fact she is paying for a taxi for a 10-15 min walk is everything that is wrong with our society, that's appalling. No wonder there's an obesity and climate crisis

DiverseCity · 15/09/2023 16:11

Stop being a doormat and advocate for your child.

amiboverd · 15/09/2023 16:13

Why are you not speaking up for your son OP? She had no problem being pushy. Tell her no!

DrMarshaFieldstone · 15/09/2023 16:15

I cannot believe you considered making your son 'suck it up' even for a moment. Your neighbour was completely inappropriate to approach him in this way.

She cannot expect him to take responsibility for a year 7. Very often even siblings in different year groups pretend not to know each other.

PollyPut · 15/09/2023 16:16

@SunSeaSand55 she should have spoken to you before now

It would be kind if they could go together. But it needs to be agreed in advance. Sometimes it's inconvenient for your child, especially if one is late. You could argue that your son might have early morning clubs some days and so would prefer their freedom to go as and when they need to?

Sugarcoatt · 15/09/2023 16:20

I wouldn’t bother arguing or explaining why. As has been said on here many times, “no” is a complete sentence.

TucSandwich · 15/09/2023 16:22

Rinoachicken · 15/09/2023 15:40

You just go round (or drop a note through the door if you must) that simply says

It is not appropriate for my child to be responsible for another younger child he does not know. You will need to make alternative arrangements if you child is unable to walk to school himself.

This.

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 15/09/2023 16:25

It's totally inappropriate for this parent to put the responsibility for her yr 7 child on yours. I'm very easy going and people pleasing but I would be very assertive about this.

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 15/09/2023 16:26

There's no need to argue anything. You don't need an excuse for this. Everything about the other parent's conduct here is inappropriate.

HonoriaLucastaDelagardie · 15/09/2023 16:26

It would be kind if they could go together.

How would it be kind to the Yr 7? It would hinder his ability to make friends and develop his independence.

It's a 10-15 minute walk. It's nearly two weeks into term. By this time a Yr 7 of average ability should be well able to do it alone, and if given the opportunity might have found friends of his own to walk with by now.

CantThinkOfANameAtAll · 15/09/2023 16:27

So what happens if your son is ill or has a sleep over elsewhere? Surely you need contingency plans for her little darling. If your son can't walk them will you be doing it instead?

Ffs be a grown up and tell your new neighbour it is not practical nor desirable and your son WILL NOT be doing it, and next time she speaks directly to you and not a minor 🙄

whittingtonmum · 15/09/2023 16:27

How has the neighbour not practiced walking the new way to school with the year 7 kid before school started if way to school is an issue? This could have been easily done at weekends if work is an issue. She can still practice it with him several times at the weekend now and then send him by himself from Monday. How did the child ever end up in a taxi in the first place?I would stay well clear of that neighbour. Sounds disorganised and wanting others to compensate for it.

adomizo · 15/09/2023 16:28

Nooooo this isn't going to work.. your year 9 boy isn't really old enough to be responsible for this younger boy. If he did something dangerous or foolish who's responsible? I would imagine this cf mum would be around very quickly if she didn't like something that happened..i have a year 7 and 9 and can see their point...put your foot down this evening and say no way. Your son is not happy with this responsibility and he is not going to do it. The end.

duc748 · 15/09/2023 16:28

I don't understand why a twelve-year-old (is that right?) needs someone to hold his hand to walk to school. And of course the mum is being a massive CF.

LolaSmiles · 15/09/2023 16:30

You need to tell her that while you're happy for your son to walk to school without an adult, he's not old enough to be responsible for a younger child, and you will not allow it. You need to step in and be the adult in his corner here, he can't be expected to stand up against a random adult at 13, it's too much.

Don't give 'reasons' like he doesn't know him, or sometimes doesn't walk. She'll just come up with ways to 'solve' them. Just say no. Not happening

Totally agree with this.
The cheeky mother needs to be told that she doesn't get to decide that another child is responsible for her 11 year old.

Flakey99 · 15/09/2023 16:31

It’s 4:30pm, have you been to speak to the neighbour yet and put her straight?

If you haven’t spoken to her yet and want to soften the blow, point out that she’s got all weekend for him to practice walking the route several times before Monday morning.

Embarrassednamechangeadoddle · 15/09/2023 16:31

I think this is a good opportunity to help your son learn about having boundaries. If I was in your shoes I’d maybe come to come agreement with your son (eg walk for a week with this child to let him get used to the route) then go with him to the neighbour and say “we are happy to talk with for a week but that’s all. It’s time DS uses to chill and relax with his friend and he doesn’t want to be responsible for a younger child”.

Didnt she even offer money?