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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let 13 DS to go paddle boarding with his friends after school?

181 replies

Sparrow7 · 15/09/2023 08:47

DS wants to go to the beach (40 mins away) after school with a group of five other 13 year old boys, one of which is bringing a paddle board. The boys are sensible and all competent at swimming and paddle boarding. However, there will be no adults present, no lifeguards as they have finished for the summer and no life jackets will be worn.
My instinct is to say no but apparently all the other parents are fine with this. Even DH says ok as the sea will be calm later.

Please vote YABU if you would be ok with this.
Or YANBU if you would also say no.

OP posts:
underneaththeash · 15/09/2023 08:58

The sea is dangerous. They need to have an adult on shore. A couple of hundred people drown each year.
Could you or your DH go?

elliejjtiny · 15/09/2023 09:03

I would say no in those conditions. My dc regularly go paddle boarding but they have helmets, life jackets and 3 adult instructors with a group of 8-10 children/teenagers.

Original poster
Sparrow7 · 15/09/2023 09:03

We are working anyway but he definitely would not be happy with one of us going.

OP posts:
BoaBunsAreLovely · 15/09/2023 09:05

There’s just been a man near where I’m from that died paddle boarding in the sea. They couldn’t find his body for a few days. The sea is too unpredictable. So I totally understand you not allowing him to go, because I wouldn’t either x

Ozziedream · 15/09/2023 09:07

I would be happy if he was wearing a life jacket. We bought slim line ones and just make the dc wear them. We are impervious to pleas that “no one else wears them”. No life jacket no paddleboard.

leafinthewind · 15/09/2023 09:08

I don't think I would. I'd let my 14 year old paddle board with friends on our local (small-ish) river. But not in the sea. Perhaps if we were local to it so she was very experienced... but like you we're 40 minutes away.

Original poster
Sparrow7 · 15/09/2023 09:08

DH says he worried that if we say no then he will start lying about where he goes after school as he could of just said they are going to the leisure centre. Whereas I am worried if we say yes then he will drown :(

OP posts:
CurlewKate · 15/09/2023 09:09

Why no life jackets?

PuttingDownRoots · 15/09/2023 09:10

How will they (and the equipment) get there?
Have they even checked the tides, weather, wind etc?

andrainwillmaketheflowersgrow · 15/09/2023 09:10

No. He needs an adult with him.

DH was out on the sea last weekend - the weather changed in minutes - the wind picked up and a storm hit. He was freaked out and he's super experienced/skilled.

It's not safe for kids to play alone in the sea.

Certainlyreally · 15/09/2023 09:13

Sparrow7 · 15/09/2023 09:08

DH says he worried that if we say no then he will start lying about where he goes after school as he could of just said they are going to the leisure centre. Whereas I am worried if we say yes then he will drown :(

Parent him - say no, and tell him what the consequences will be if he does go

(I know you are trying)

LadyofLansallos · 15/09/2023 09:13

How will they and the paddle board be getting there?

Hardbackwriter · 15/09/2023 09:13

For everyone saying he's too young - what is the appropriate age for this?

Original poster
Sparrow7 · 15/09/2023 09:15

CurlewKate · 15/09/2023 09:09

Why no life jackets?

We have life jackets for when we go out on paddleboards and kayaks but 95% of people don't bother. The boys definitely wouldn't take/wear them.

OP posts:
MoorlandWanderer · 15/09/2023 09:16

Not in a million years without a good adult:child ratio, let alone no adults at all. Totally agree with you.

LadyofLansallos · 15/09/2023 09:16

I’m not sure I would say no.

Just thinking about my 11 year old, who does surf life saving etc, if in two years she wanted to do this I think I would trust her. It depends a lot on the children involved, their sense & their abilities I think.

andrainwillmaketheflowersgrow · 15/09/2023 09:16

Hardbackwriter · 15/09/2023 09:13

For everyone saying he's too young - what is the appropriate age for this?

Realistically speaking you probably can't stop them once they hit 16/17 but 13 is way, way too young.

The sea kills grown men - it's not a playground.

andrainwillmaketheflowersgrow · 15/09/2023 09:17

LadyofLansallos · 15/09/2023 09:16

I’m not sure I would say no.

Just thinking about my 11 year old, who does surf life saving etc, if in two years she wanted to do this I think I would trust her. It depends a lot on the children involved, their sense & their abilities I think.

That would be incredibly dangerous.

Original poster
Sparrow7 · 15/09/2023 09:18

PuttingDownRoots · 15/09/2023 09:10

How will they (and the equipment) get there?
Have they even checked the tides, weather, wind etc?

The boy who owns it lives close to that beach and they will carry it down together. I think it is inflatable. The family do not own life jackets. They won't check info, just see what the sea is like when they get down.

OP posts:
waterrat · 15/09/2023 09:18

I live on the coast and think this is a tricky one

At some point teenagers will develop rhe independence and skill for this

Could you ask that one teen stays on shore at all times in case the people on paddle board get in trouble

Have you seen him do this before and would he be sensible

viques · 15/09/2023 09:19

Does he know the normal tide times?

Does he know what a rip tide is? Does he know when they are likely to happen? Does he know how to spot one? Does he know what to do if caught in one?

Does he know how to call the coastguard? Does he know how to give emergency first aid including cpr?

IhearyouClemFandango · 15/09/2023 09:20

I wouldn't. We live 5 mins from the beach and our kids paddle board regularly, the 13 yr old in particular is very proficient. But, no.

We do allow her to meet her friends at the beach and swim, as it is a fairly busy beach with lots of people around. But paddle boarding brings with it mucking around (especially with a group) and the potential to paddle out too far and get caught in a current etc.

waterrat · 15/09/2023 09:21

I think people commenting need to remembee that teenagers growing up spending a lot of time on beaches and being able to go to them with friends do need to develop independence to do it...as it will be part of their life

But i can see the worry on a quiet beach if they dont usually paddleboard

Loopytiles · 15/09/2023 09:22

No and disagree with the other parents’ judgment of risks with open water!

Nemesias · 15/09/2023 09:22

LadyofLansallos · 15/09/2023 09:16

I’m not sure I would say no.

Just thinking about my 11 year old, who does surf life saving etc, if in two years she wanted to do this I think I would trust her. It depends a lot on the children involved, their sense & their abilities I think.

Alright - it’s not just your kid though is it? It’s a group of young teens, not all of them will be competent in the water. There will be mucking about, horseplay, playing about, ducking each other.

your dd can be responsible for the safety of all her friends if she’s had a bit of training - imagine how she would feel if one of her friends drowned and she couldn’t save them.

children that young shouldn’t be in the sea with zero parental supervision whether they like it or not

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